Episode 50 – A PAX Live Show Spectacular


A milestone. A legend. An anniversary. A podcast.

The Chainsawsuit show turns 50 with a show recorded with an audience of over 600 people. There’s almost too much show to contain, but we contained it even though the PKE readings were off the charts.

  • Kris and Mikey discuss the multitude of other shows that almost made them miss PAX East this year
  • We choose topics live with a studio audience you can almost hear, kinda, well … maybe a little bit
  • #thatscamels
  • #LAUGH
  • Sponsored by Heinz
  • Correction: It’s not sponsored in any way by Heinz
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69 Responses to Episode 50 – A PAX Live Show Spectacular

  1. @AndruC says:

    I am the fool who asked the first question. Let me come clean. I've never listened to the podcast before, so I didn't really know what to expect.

    What I SHOULD have asked was, "What would be your hip-hop name, single, and debut album title?"

    • MikeyNeumann says:

      You were great, man. Don't even worry about it. Thank you SO MUCH for coming to the show. That is so awesome that we had a ton of people that have never listened to the show come out and see us.

      But to answer you question from the show, Kris and I have a hot rap hit called "Put 'em Up." I think his verse will satisfy exactly what you wanted when you asked the question.

      I can only imagine the amount of pressure I put on you in that room. We really didn't know who knew the show we did or not. But I think you're great!

    • Qmzn says:

      Getting up in front of people at a panel or show is bold. You didn't sound like a fool to me.

      Also, it could be worse. I know someone who was laughed at by hundreds of people for asking an ignorant question during a keynote while cameras were filming. He was crazy embarrassed. I'm surprised he doesn't just deny it happened.

      Furthermore, you wouldn't be the first to meet Kris's unexpected wrath during a Choose-a-Topic session. It's never happened to me, but I know someone… someone… ugh… headache… where's my Scarenol…?

  2. Qmzn says:

    Ah, PAX, where the soda's cold, the microphones are hot, and a stranger can walk up to you and say, hey, if you were a Super Mario, what kind of Hedgehog would you be?

    Speaking of video games, I believe this is the first time the podcast has heavily referenced Space Bandit Country by Manual Transmission Softworks. I'm a pure TV and movie man myself, so the jokes were lost on me. Light guns, paddles, kids are all up in that stuff. The PAX crowd seemed to love it, though.

    Congratulations on the successful live performance. You brought much laughter to the room, and really showed off the best of the podcast, with the strong sampler of prewritten humor, Choose-a-Topic and then, riskiest of all, free-form banter. Here's to the next fifty.

    So, last thing. Mikey has often touched on the topic of his what-the-hell-why-not amateur musicianship, and back in Episode 44, near the end, he sang a little bit of a melancholy "Put 'em Up" slow jam. Well, I decided to join in the fun. I clipped out a bit of that audio, and scrambled it up in a digital pan until it wasn't totally ear-rending. In the what-the-hell-why-not spirit, here you go, it's "Chainsaws 4 Life".

    • Kyle_Douglas says:

      The remix definitely still has a melancholic feel to me. Perhaps due to Dragonball being mentioned on the podcast last week my mind envisioned it being played during this classic anime scene, except with it being Mikey and him flashing back to images of Kim Cattrall, Stouffer's French Bread Pizza, and various moments of camaraderie with Kris.
      You know, before Kris threw him out a window.

      • Qmzn says:

        It's a "classic", now? Oh man, I feel old.

        See, I would have reversed the roles. I think Mikey could sell a sword-toting Vicious, and Kris has a bit of Spike's brooding personality. So brooding, you might even call it hollow. Either way, the friendship-gone-sour theme works well.

        Still, no matter how you cast it, there's not a strong match in physical appearance. However, there's something about those characters in Episode 22… Mikey does own a cowboy hat. Maybe Kris harbors a deep-seated frustration with irresponsible capitalism?

        Kanno really killed it on the Cowboy Bebop stuff, TV and movie. Unfortunately, I haven't found her other work nearly as engaging. Well, except for Magnetic Rose, but only if you're already tripping on Scarenol. Not exactly casual listening material.

        • frostyplum says:

          Magnetic Rose!! Something anime I recognize! That was some good stuff, though I feel I need to see it again. Loved blending a sci-fi environment with old European opera settings. And a beautiful siren luring men to their deaths always gets a thumbs-up from me. ( o_o)-b

    • Giggleloop says:

      That remix is great, well done!

    • MikeyNeumann says:

      I am moved by this song. That is FOR SURE going on the end of the next podcast. WOW WOW WOW. Seriously. Thank you. My birthday is actually tomorrow, so this is quite the birthday present. It's some Phil Collins level jam right there.

      Best part: That snap *right* in the middle, where it kinda goes quiet, NOPE, here's a snap.

      This is so rad!

      • Qmzn says:

        Wow, lucky timing. Glad you liked it.

        Thanks for the motivation to make it, and for providing the audio. I cut my teeth on a lot of unfamiliar tools in the process, so taking this from start to finish was probably the best learning experience I could hope for.

        I'm looking forward to the next idea, for a chance to twist the virtual knobs again, and greatly outdo my freshman efforts. I <3 multiband compressors. Do they make that bumper sticker?

        • Giggleloop says:

          It’s just a matter of time before we musically inclined Chainsawsuitskateers form a supergroup, or at the very least, release a sick collab (collaboration). I’ve been training for this my whole life!

          • Stouffer's Derek says:

            I’ll be your manager! I’ll call you at 2am and scream “YOU’VE GOT TALENT, KID!” and hang up. I’ll organise a concert at Heckler Con. because I think you’re getting a big ego.

            So what, if I never went to manager school. I’ll tell this big-head posh-ass educational managers what for and you’re my ticket outta this dump!


          • ThomasG says:

            Band name proposal: Chainsawsuitors

      • frostyplum says:

        "It's some Phil Collins level jam right there" – a sentence I never expected to read, ever.

  3. Kyle_Douglas says:

    From my comment last week:
    "Anyone attending PAX for 50 and wants to put ol' K-Doug there in spirit be sure that if there's an audience participation segment to be the first or second one to speak and take a reallllly long time with your question/comment – at least 500 words. People are sure to love you for it.
    (Don't do this. Oh dear lord, don't do this. It's a joke. It's always jokes.)"

    The first guy talked a bit too long (sorry Andrew) and the second one was named Doug.

    Favorite Bits: The Bumblebee Bathroom Theater seating "four or five comfortably, depending on what you're doing in there" | Commode Commander with Donkey Kong expansion pack | Kris' Scooter impression | Nachos under every chair courtesy of Oprah | The Egyptian Magician | "We Got Food in Here" Red Laughster | Kris nearly announcing a completed panel

    Didn't particularly like the couple of times the conversation turned more vulgar than usual. Certainly didn't offend me at all, but I just didn't think it was a good fit for the show. Mikey already seemed self-aware of that when it came (zing!) up though.

    Cross-branding shoutout to Gearbox for being terribly clever with their technically correct (the best kind of correct) responses to interviews and such in the past few months saying that a sequel to Borderlands 2 wasn't under development.

    Here's to 50 more, respects to Ultimate Warrior, all glory to K&M-Choose-A-Topic, etc. etc.
    Bit shorter than my usual comment monstrosities, but I'm getting near the front of the line for a post-pipe-burst sale on "PwnMeal Extreme Gaming Oatmeal". That stuff is literally congealing as I type, so I gotta get in on that.

    • MikeyNeumann says:

      Can't say I'm ready to apologize for the live show being more vulgar than the podcast. It's a live environment and there's a bit of back-and-forth with an audience where you find the temperature of the room.

      I *will* say that obviously the podcast isn't going in that direction, and even in the show, we both acknowledge more than once. I still went through and bleeped it, haha. I see where you're coming from… maybe it isn't the episode you send to your mother.

      It was actually something I thought about all that night and even until now. That I somehow went from my Thursday to being on stage on Saturday is some kind of birthday miracle. I was still kind of a wreck, and I think some of that energy–angry and frustrated energy–was still leaking out of me on stage. I don't possess the ability to not try and entertain people. so I think it became a bit of a combative, vulgar energy; like I was trying on someone else's comedy shoes for a bit. If that makes sense…

      I just want to entertain, and I know in that room, we surely did :)

      All my love, KYLE DOUGLAS (why am I shouting your name? I can't go back now. Just think this out, Mikey. He can't see your thoughts. Think of a good ending.)

      (Oh my god. My thoughts are actually parenthetical. Don't think bad things about Kyle.)

      (I want to open a salad-washing business with him.)

      (Well, that's not too bad. Let's get his thoughts on proper tomato-washing processes.)

      • Kyle_Douglas says:

        "I still went through and bleeped it, haha."
        Er, hm? Are you talking about this episode? Because I don't think I heard any bleeps when listening. If they'd been there I'm not sure if The Power of the Bleep would have altered my feedback. Maybe it would have? EDIT: Went in and checked and there are some. So I guess it does affect my opinion since those weren't the moments I was thinking of!

        (Honestly, the only right way to “clean” tomatoes is to fully process them into a product that can be enjoyed in 57 distinct and delicious varieties.
        This section of my thoughts has been sponsored by Heinz)

        You're totally right about feeling out a live audience. However, this felt a lot more like a regular episode of the podcast than Episode 19 with its cavalcade of guests clearly separating it from the show's normal format. On the up side, I judged it as a regular episode and my only complaint was about some off-color jokes. Overall you both managed to keep the pacing and tone dead-on despite the environment shift and your ah… recent personal distress.

        (Now as to salad in general, I'm a big fan of salad spinners for lettuce and such. But I keep breaking the darn things. I should honestly invest in a nice steel one instead of the cheapo plastic ones, but the podcast has given me an intense fear of being labeled a food snob)

        Regardless, you're totally on the same page as me, just as I thought you were. I just wanted to affirm that in my feedback in case there are/were a ton of people saying that hint of extra spice was their favorite part of the episode.

        (Simple spinners may not be viable for what you're thinking though. Are we washing salads for pre-packaged wide-scale distribution? Or is this a little shop on a corner that we offer to professionally wash produce people bring in to us?)

        Just to cover the bases, I also have these opinions you likely share:
        Going forward, the Choose-A-Topic segment shouldn't have its audio recorded through a conch-shell filter despite its aesthetic appeal.
        A laugh track wouldn't be a welcome addition to “liven up” the regular episodes.
        “Borderlands: The Pre-Sequel, Coming Exclusively to Commode Commander” is a bad idea.

        (I was really worried about the fact I only commented about 200 words this week and how it might affect my reputation as a windbag. Thanks for giving me the chance to push it up to 600 with this exciting business venture opportunity. I didn't make you a song, but Happy Birthday-Eve regardless, Mikey)

        (Meow Meow Meow Meow Meow Meow Meow)

        • MikeyNeumann says:

          The entire episode was recorded on a phone because the venue wasn't set up to record our mics. I then went back and did some for cereal audio-surgery on the episode so that it _sounded_ like it was recorded from the live mics. If you heard the original recording, you would think I am lying to you right now. I kinda felt like a rock star when no one realized it was originally phone audio. I even added the music on the ends in post as _if_ it were playing live in the room.

          Same with the bleeps actually. I thought it would be funny if those sounded like they were in the room as if we painstakingly scripted that entire thing and then bleeped it live.

          I'm a sucker for a well thought-out soundscape.

          • Kyle_Douglas says:

            Wait, you did audio-surgery? I just went out and bought a new phone based on that amazing recording quality! 😉
            I was definitely none the wiser on the fact the music wasn't played on-location.
            And yes, except for the topic segment it was all very clear audio. Better than 19, even.
            I say "even", but now you're going to reveal 19 was recorded on a potato.

            And with that, this page has hit its legally mandated maximum Douglas comment limit. So long and thanks for all the Shining Salad, everyone!

          • Giggleloop says:

            After seeing Kris’s tweets about needing recording equipment for the panel, I was really pleasantly surprised at the audio quality of this episode. My ears were smiling, which was a bit disconcerting to be honest.

          • frostyplum says:

            You added the music *in post*?! I felt like it was walking me out of the room after panel's end. Dynamite stuff.

        • Giggleloop says:

          Look, KDoug, while we appreciate your verbosity, we aren’t gonna get this thread up to 50 comments+ if you use all your words on these long posts. Spread the love around a bit!

  4. fauxben says:

    This was fantastic to see live, and the audio turned out great! Also, I'm never going to be able to eat at Red Lobster with a straight face again. Not that I ever was before.

    #RedLaughster #CheddarBay

  5. Jay Dee says:

    i’’m not convinced that this wasn’t pre-recorded and you didn’t just edit in sound effects to make it sound like you were at the convention

  6. stise says:

    DK64 is also where my brain went as soon as memory expansion was brought up, Mikey.

  7. Cheddar Bay Biscuits are made in house, everything except for Live Maine Lobsters, Oysters and the Fresh Fish menu comes in frozen and is essentially reheated for you. That Salmon New Orleans tho. Let me know if you have any other RL queries, I'm a server there.

    • MikeyNeumann says:

      This is one of the most informative posts we've ever had.

      I said the cheddar bay biscuits were made there, but my intuition tells me that the dough itself comes in frozen and they then make fresh biscuits out of it.

      • megan_made_this says:

        Nah, @McLaughlinDM is right. It's a bisquick like baking mix. It's mixed with ice water and shredded cheddar then slathered in a thick, yellow butter-like substance (maybe it contains some actual butter? it's a thick yellow liquid at room temperature with the parsley type stuff mixed in already), and then baked. There's a person in every evening shift whose sole job is to make biscuits. And lemme tell you, servers will straight up riot if that person gets behind (No offense to McLaughlin).

        (I was what they called an "Alley Coordinator" during college. I put ramekins of cocktail sauce and drawn butter on plates. I also always found it depressing that every other item served was frozen. ALL side items are microwaved except the french fries.)

        Enjoy this knowledge and share it with others that you may spare them. Also, HAPPY BIRTHTIMES! But don't go to Red Lobster, 'cause the only thing they'll give you free on your birthday anymore is a scoop of boring ol' vanilla ice cream and your server's humiliation in the form of public singing.

        • Yeah we mix the cheddar in on our own. The yellow butter like substance is "Garlic Butter Sauce" commonly referred to as "scampi butter" cause, you know, we cook scampi in the same shit. Also we don't give a damn thing for free at my branch, hope you like whipped cream in a ramekin and off key happy birthday, because that's what I have to offer.

          I think AC's are typically my favorite people in the restaurant. Also I deeply appreciate the correct capitalization of my surname Megan.

      • Thanks. As someone who very rarely interacts with the creators of the media he enjoys, it is a little bizarre to have you respond like a real guy, rather than a voice that sometimes decides to play through my car speakers. You guys rock. What of your writing would you suggest starting with? (other than borderlands)

        • megan_made_this says:

          My two cents: I have just started The Ending and cannot recommend it enough. Though I will take this opportunity to say that I'm roughly a third of the way in and so far:
          – A person has complained about peanut butter
          – A person has complained about bananas
          – A person has made a hilariously snide comment about tapas
          – A person has waxed poetic about the wonder that is salsa, and also general love for Tex-Mex.

          Dear Mikey, there is a body of evidence that would suggest you are in fact a food snob. But it's totally ok! We're not dissing you at all. We love you for it. Just keep bein' you, man.

          (And @McLaughlinDM, you're totes welcome for the capitalization. As a McClellan, I am sympathetic to your plight. As a former AC, I am also sympathetic to your serving plight.)

          Edited to add links:
          The Ending: http://bozpublishing.com/read.php?b=1016201&c
          Kris' current awesome comic: http://broodhollow.chainsawsuit.com/page/2012/10/
          I've also gone back and started reading Starslip recently, and it's delightful: http://starslip.chainsawsuit.com/

          • Stouffer's Derek says:

            I wouldn’t notice it usually, but all the lemon squares and Tex Mex and quiche and Bagel Bites in Mikey’s stuff make me laugh. Because there is clearly a LOVE for the chemistry of food there. I’d call it a food enthusiast.

          • megan_made_this says:

            That's fair. I think I mostly latched onto the "food snob" descriptor 'cause Mikey bandies it about so much. Which I'm sure is the fault of someone in these comments from before I was gettin' up in the comments (unless it's the fault of Scarenol overuse). But seriously, it's one of my joys in the podcast. I was fully sold on the show in the episode where Mikey tells Ruth's Chris stories.

            And I'm still laughing at The Ending's tapas line two days later.

          • Jon_F says:

            Pretty sure it was me who started it all. I'll never live it down! I even groveled in person to Kris with video evidence.

          • LMcCJ says:

            I remember that. All is forgiven but forgotten takes so much longer!

          • Stouffer's Derek says:

            Definitely. I wasn’t criticizing you! “Food snob” can be worn like a badge of honour.

  8. LMcCJ says:

    Totes camels!

    Wish I had been there for some of the laughs that we're clearly related to visual cues.

    This sounds fantastic. Dare I say, without relistening, better than the 2ITT live show.

    Mikey, you eat what you want the way you want but, maybe not in front of Mrs. Straub. Or, maybe…. (so wrong).

    Raising a glass to 50 more!

  9. frostyplum says:

    Augh. AuuughhHHHH you GUYS. You guys are too good. What a fabulous 50. I wasn't too hyped about PAX East (Prime is my jam) until the 'cast was about to start; wish I'd been there. The energy (and the chemistry!) sounded great. I'm probably going to be strung up for asking this, but you paused for commercials and then sent the 'cast out toute suite…will there eventually be commercials, or do we just suck it up 'till next time? Or maybe…we create the commercials in our own minds? There's certainly enough material.

    Things I Learned™:
    Chain restaurants = evergreen comedy
    Next time I'm in a restaurant, try to order anything "scampi" and see what happens
    Gatorade Ranch is finally here, delivering key electrolytes, necessary fats and taste-bud killing matrices (now in the new wide-mouth slam can)
    "Beef sludge" is actually one of the less filthy things to come out of Mikey's mouth (I'm kidding, I thought the bluer stuff was hilarious)
    Mikey is a freakin' audio wizard (duh)
    Oxygynecologists are surprisingly rude (doesn't do their PR any favors)
    Kris actually visualized Emeril LaGasse in a Real Sex episode (I hope that prompted a return of your nightmares, Kris)

    In all seriousness, congrats on your 50th, guys; it was a thing of pure joy. I love this podcast so much, I want to shout it across the rooftops at anyone with the slightest sense of humor. Thanks for the incredibleness you give us, week after week. And happy birthday, Mikey!

    • Giggleloop says:

      A return of Kris's nightmares….? THEY NEVER ENDED. We're still in them. (Ok, well maybe not RIGHT NOW. But soooooooon.)

      "I wanna go up on the roof and shout 'I love my best friend!' "
      "We should go up on my roof!"

  10. ThomasG says:

    i was impressed with how well the live situation worked out, how you rolled with the challenges that came up (i.e. they had no jack on the pa? i believe it, but damn), and how there weren't any commercials but it was still a kick-awesome show. here's to another 50!

  11. sheanam says:

    I don't think I've gone to Red Lobster since I found a decent Cheddar Bay Biscuit recipe I could make at home. Quite a lot of my restaurant-eating, especially of the chain restaurant variety, lessened dramatically when I realized I could just make it at home better and cheaper.

    Dang, 50 podcasts! The bit about Kris living on an Ultrasaurus killed me, and I quite enjoyed Mikey losing it at all the ridiculous cards he had to read out. I also got a fair amount of second-hand enjoyment out of the fact that the audience really seemed to dig it all a whole bunch!

    On a more general podcast sidenote, in wake of the announcement of The Pre-Sequel, it's quite interesting to go back and listen to old podcasts where Mikey spends a lot of time discussing prequels and sequels. :)

  12. Alligator Pool Toy says:

    I love listening to podcasts before bed because I always get thoroughly satisfying dreams.

    After the last podcast, I had a weird dream where Kris, Mikey and I accidentally opened a treasure chest in my basement, in our greed unleashing a horror known as The Last Sleep.

    This time after the podcast, I finally confessed to Mikey that I thought he looked "really hot. like distractingly hot." My dream self thought I was very smooth. Dream Mikey whisked me into the sunset on his motorcycle and we had a romantic dinner of lunchables together.

    Real life is so disappointing. Mikey senpai will never notice me :C

  13. Alligator Pool Toy says:

    Oh my dear Stouffer[escapecharacter]s Derek, you've rekindled the hope in my heart :')

    Perhaps I did not leave the best of me back there within the jaws of The Last Sleep, and all sweet dreams are not yet dead!

    • Stouffer's Derek says:

      Pry those stiff jaws open! Fill it’s head with rainbows and lobsters, dream your dreams and draw The Last Sleep to insanity! All is not lost! It will sleep eternally, tormented by your human joys! And when eternity has given up on itself, find your blonde bike monkey, and live those dreams anew!

  14. Giggleloop says:

    @LMcCJ everybody be cool! (can’t reply up there)

    Yeah after hitting Post Comment, I realized my error. Can’t correct it now!

    Pretend I’m not here. O__O

    • LMcCJ says:

      I hate when that happens. I've had to Report my own comment a time or two when I've crossed the line (oh yes, I do have A Line, all evidence to the contrary).

      I'm hoping when I listen to the pcast off the laptop (not through my iPod) I can hear more of it. I really missed all the Chooses stuff.

  15. LMcCJ says:

    It has not gone unnoticed that Mikey posted this 'cast. I was going to allege a trust or control issue but, I've settled on practice for paternity leave. It will be interesting to se how you handle that. (It would make for an interesting On a Bed episode, as well, just sayin'.)

    • MikeyNeumann says:

      Kris was on a plane. He set it up so I could post them months ago, but we never had a reason to take advantage until recently. ITS A WHOLE NEW WORLD

  16. Giggleloop says:

    So, how's everyone's weekend shaping up? I plan to play a ton of Diablo III and Borderlands 2, for as long as my wrist holds out.

    (ok i'm just trying to keep the thread alive at this point, til we get a new 'cast.)

    • Alligator Pool Toy says:

      It's lookin' up! And yourself?

      On weekends shaping up: my friend stayed over at my place last night and while they were falling asleep I played Episode 49 for them. The next morning he said all he remembered was that he was stuck in that place in half-dreaming where he couldn't access true logic. But yet he felt compelled to figure out the structure of dreams and subdreams between segments anyway and he swore it made sense in the dream. So I thought a little more about it.

      Am I wrong in thinking it was Kris's dream since his character seemed to be directing the action? What do you think? Dream-logic right?

      Also, MIKEY SENPAI noticed me so how could it be a bad weekend? 😀

      • Stouffer's Derek says:


        Is your friend a convert, or did you drive them insane with wondering? Not even that long in the comments, and you’re already shaping up to be a valuable asset. If we had some weird Podcast-Skull-and-Shovels, you would be invited to join. Expect your registration pack in the post. Don’t ask how we know your address, just expect it.

    • Stouffer's Derek says:

      Right there with ya, sister. I’m going to be painting my bedroom, and eating a shitload of chocolate to celebrate Easter.

      CONFESSION: I do not play video games, but I may start soon.

  17. LMcCJ says:

    I just got a Mack Weldon ad. I went to the site; it does not look candy proof. They clearly don't know the bar is set much higher over here. Moving along.

  18. Giggleloop says:

    Good news! I beat Diablo III today, so I can devote tomorrow to Borderlands! :)

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