Episode 34 – Breaking Buzz


So much shade getting thrown in this episode, you’ll think you were in a… baseball camp… apple orchard. But instead of throwing balls, they — it’s. Okay. Kris had surgery on Friday and Mikey had a rough week, and this show slams a lid on:

  • BuzzFeed
  • Memes
  • Your favorite movie — yes, that one
  • Snickerdoodles and Orange Crush – a combo for dopes
  • Stouffer’s French Bread Pizzas hurled to the floor in anguish

I know, right? It gets real right away.

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14 Responses to Episode 34 – Breaking Buzz

  1. Kyle_Douglas says:

    You Won't Believe These 8 Outrageous Statements by Kyle Douglas…

    1. Hm, I had just assumed you guys were taking a holiday break from the podcast and rolling in all that sweet, sweet datayorb moneys. I certainly won't complain about surprise chainsawsuit though!

    2. Glad to hear Kris' recovery is going fine. Though I am slightly concerned that all of his brilliance in the past decade has been fueled by hernia pain rather than anxiety 😉

    3. IUnderstandAndAgreeWithMikeyThat
    TheLordOfTheRingsFilmsAndCGIOrcsSuck @ gmail.com

    4. Here are my favorite moments I've curated from the podcast:
    “David, you've peaked. Next time you go under, don't come back up.”
    “Oh my God, tomato soup is, like, the best thing… and I just [want] to enjoy its company.”
    “I want to be able to do a business proposal with just memes.”

    5. Minor nitpick: Probably no way around it, but the reflection of the screen off Mikey's glasses was a bit distracting at points. Wasn't as noticeable last week since you spent a large portion of the time looking down at the Christmas Carol script.
    On the other hand, it does let us go Tony Stark and play: “Try to catch Mikey playing Galaga during the podcast.”

    6. Eight minutes until the end of the podcast and my youtube stream just died! #TrueTragedy #CattrallSabotage

    7. Brace Yourself. Episode 37 is Coming. /NedStark

    8. Support the democratization of humor and trick me into thinking I've done something. Such upvote. Much reply. So long a comment.

    • Qmzn says:

      Comment gold. Everything is a meme! Pull that tiger's tail as hard as you can.

      On #5, I think his glasses should reflect all the time, like a smooth character in a Japanese cartoon. Then he can push them up with his pinky, followed by a derisive, "hmph." Seriously, though, perhaps a nice soft box is in order, instead of the room lighting.

  2. MrBildango says:

    The best part of The Gift is the end. When there is a near shot by shot homage to the scene in Back to the Future when George McFly saves Lea Thompson, including the music.

  3. Qmzn says:

    It's the Chainsawsuit Post-Show Experience, brought to you by the Dr. Pepper Snapple Group, makers of Orange Crush. Orange Crush: A Fresh-Squeezed Syrupy Illusion.

    The Chainsawbuzzfeed has been rife with rumors carried on the winds of paranoia. First up, Low-key Hiddleston may be a sleeper Agent of S.T.O.U.F.D., sent in to reactivate "the alarm". Second, a cryptic E-mail has been circulating. It states that, "The Chainsawsuit Hate Club has no patience for defensive confrontational elitist snobs who eat during a show. We will make ourselves known when the three strikes the seven." How awful. My feelings of respect and admiration for this show will never, ever change.

    Watched the video version again. I think it's missing some nice 90s low-color clip art. Perhaps some unicorns, or a businessman holding a clipboard. Just slap 'em on, like stickers.

    I haven't seen Desolation of Smaug yet, but I would like to share my favorite excuse for when Peter Jackson's Tolkien adaptations get too silly.

    First, accept that the movies are a visual adaptation of the fictional book There and Back Again and The Lord of the Rings, written by Bilbo, Frodo and Sam. Some of the accounts therein are firsthand from those three, while other stories had to be related to them by friends and acquaintances. These secondhand accounts are bound to be skewed. Stories of combat will be aggrandized, while an event like Gandalf's fall beneath Moria may be inexplicable to a non-wizard.

    Whenever these secondhand accounts come up in the movies, there is usually a stylistic shift in the tone of the dialogue and visuals. The sequence inside the Misty Mountains in The Hobbit: An Unexpected Journey is a good example. A cold palette is chosen for Bilbo's brutal, sad encounter, in which it takes Gollum great effort to bludgeon a single goblin. The dwarves contrast as heroic murder machines, racking up an absurd kill count with bravado in a warm, vibrant cave. It's the most logical progression Bilbo could assemble based on the dwarves' overblown account (and it makes for a decent attack-release A-B cut setup, to boot.)

    I believe Jackson and team are keenly aware of these shifts in narrative reliability, scene by scene, and even use these varying accounts as a way to soften book-to-movie discrepancies. That doesn't excuse pure technical flubs, though. I look forward to seeing some of that bad comp work later this week.

    Well, that's all. Nothing left to say or post. Nothing at all.

  4. TV's Brent says:

    Oh man sleep paralysis. I used to have really bad incidents when I was in college. The worst was a giant demonic face made of green mist appeared on the wall and started chanting in a little kid’s voice. It finally passed and I thought I was going back to sleep, then it started over again.

    I didn’t sleep for days after that.

  5. LMcCJ says:

    Mikey I cannot believe you eat store-bought snickerdoodles. They're an easy cookie and it's a cookie baking time of year. If you're too busy to bake, organize a cookie bake-off at work then bring a ziploc bag with you.

    Kris, I thought you were going to show off your stitch(es). If you want subscribers, you gotta show some skin. Get on that.

    I hope there is a podcast next week. It would be unfortunate if KimCat got 1/2 the podcast equipment in the divorce.

    Hey, look at that! My Broodhollow arrived while I was typing this. Now I can find out what all the fuss is about.

    • Qmzn says:

      I like that, organize a bake-off then collect the uneaten goods. Sounds like a plot you've pulled off before. I imagine it can backfire, though, if no one at work can cook worth a damn.

      I've known some, "Oh, I didn't have any baking powder, so I substituted this other white powdery substance and the cookies came out fine," types. I'm not taking any of those inedible funk bricks home.

  6. I'm tentatively okay with/amused by memes that follow specific phrasing, but within that framework can vary wildly, like the "I think [name of a video game] is a pretty cool guy." going on to describe what the protagonist of said game does and concluding with "and doesn't afraid of anything". Not so much when things like that and dogespeak are constantly being shouted from every inch of the internet, but when the meme is tweaked to apply to a specific context like something my friends did or a scene from a movie, and it actually works, it can be hilarious. The mistake is, like Kris and Mikey said, the perception that we've somehow CREATED the joke rather than put nouns in the appropriate slots and clicked 'post'. When there's a syntax to follow and the humor is derived from the actual situation where the meme is being applied, I get a laugh out of them more often than not.

    I hope you guys don't get a lot of flak for your opinions on comedy/hobbiting. You guys are allowed to have opinions, and I disagree with 'em sometimes but the thing is that you don't just start specifically and intentionally insulting people who like specific things. You just talk about the issues you have with that thing and it hasn't come off as judgmental or mean so far. And I hope somebody actually is cleaning up all these Stouffer's French Bread Pizzas that are getting thrown onto the floor, because when those things solidify it's like trying to move the 'dark matter' blobs from Futurama. Way too heavy for a human to lift.

  7. Benjamin says:

    I think I grew out of my sleep paralysis, but I used to get it once a week or so. I haven't thought about it in a long time but it was good to hear other people's stories about it. Like Kris' experience, mine weren't really dangerous situations as much as just general weirdness. Sometimes I was filled with absolute dread, other times it was just curiosity. Here are my top three:

    The more terror I experienced was one night I woke up and a tree had grown through my bedroom window and covered my entire wall and ceiling with branches. I don't know why this scared me so much (I hadn't even seen Poltergeist yet!), but it took me a good hour after snapping out of it to be able to sleep again.

    There were several occasions where I would wake up with what could only be described as a ghost floating about 3 feet above me. These ghosts were always very well dressed. I always felt curious, usually to the point where I wanted to try to reach out and touch them. When I did get control over my body they rose up through the ceiling (or floated out through a wall)… I like Kris' description of them as dream givers. There's a rad story in there somewhere.

    One of my favorite was waking up with a floating holographic head (much like the Wizard of Oz) speaking in a language that didn't make sense (but I still understood at the time). That experience was very short, and unlike most of the others I went to sleep right away, but I woke up on the floor. Apparently I had stripped my bed of everything, laid it out neatly on the floor, and went to sleep again. I never really knew what to make of that one.

  8. Jeffery McNeil says:

    Guys, I’m worried I have Jeff disease.

    I wish my comment could be half as insightful and funny as the previous commentors, but being a first time commentor I’ll accept my lack of experience and content.

    I love this podcast, and I thinm this one went really well, always love the Stoufers jokes.

    Hope you get well soon, and the pain is permanently ended Mr. Straub.

    I agree with nearly all the points made in this podcast. Memes are very rarely funny, and only in their earliest stages. Buzzfeed is an embarresment, as is 9gag which is truly a blockurator. They copy things from other sites, and have the gall to throw their watermark on it. It’s absolutely rediculous.

    I am fortunate enough to have very lucid dreams. When anything happens I don’t like, I am.able to stop it immediately, and have been fortunate enough to only experience one waking nightmare. Sleep paralysis sounds fucking terrifying.

    I guess the comment wasn’t as short as I worried it would be, but I don’t feel like scrolling back up and deleting my words.

    Keep up the good work fellas! I started listening to this podcast as a Kris Straub fan, but I am now a fan of both, and swear I will get around to reading Mikey’s stories some day….

    • LMcCJ says:

      Welcome new commenter! All we ask is that you comment from the heart. Kris and Mikey like to hear from all of us, even if we all agree. See you back here next week… unless Kris suffers sepsis or Mikey wallows to the depths of inertia. Ya just never know. (Mikey's an amazing storyteller. You'll like it.)

      • Kyle_Douglas says:

        "All we ask is that you comment from the heart"

        The gut is also acceptable.
        Just turn off that brain, flip on some Tyler Perry, and comment away.

  9. Kris one of my favorite jokes from the Blams was in the "Game Men" episode where you and Scott briefly discussed a fictional game called "Wound", which you praised for its "mind-bending puzzles, dark visuals, and the storyline where you help an abused child work backwards through the source of his anger." Scott, however, disliked it for the way it apparently "made him feel uncomfortable about his white privilege."

    Getting back to my point, I loved this bit and thought it was the most striking part of an entire episode poking fun at games journalism, and I would love to see more in that area.

    Is there any chance we might see the return of Wound, either in the podcast or in Chainsawsuit Originals?

  10. @markjhiggs says:

    Greetings, Kris and Mikey. I've been enjoying the podcast over the past few weeks, as I've been catching up on them from the very beginning. I've read Chainsawsuit for years and figured it was time I hit up the podcast–and I have been quite pleased.

    Although I'm late to the party, I'm going to go ahead and comment anyway–as I'm not caught up to the current episodes. I've resisted this long, but no more. You see, I've had some interesting dreams myself, and I die quite often in them…

    One time, however, I had a dream I was being bitten by a spider. I could feel it biting my side! Then, I rolled over and flung one of my arms out, wanting to shift the site of my dream-wound away from the arachnid. I then felt a much more pronounced biting–or stinging–beneath my forearm. The pain brought instant clarity to my sleeping mind. I thought, "This is fucking real," and bolted from my bed, flinging covers and sheets in an attempt to locate my nocturnal attacker. I found a dead wasp–whom I must have smashed when my arm landed on him–beside the bed. It had stung me twice, once on my side and once on my arm. Sometimes… dreams do come true. At least it wasn't a spider.

    Anyway, keep up the good work. Looking forward to catching up with the show!

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