all right, i’m starting to get really really concerned. a couple weeks ago i was reading all this awesome stuff about indiana jones and the kingdom of the crystal of the robot of the magician. now it sounds like the first reviews are in, and indy and his not-son are fighting alligator-men and jumping off hovercrafts onto stop-motion giant crabs.

this is not indiana jones to me. indy is about unearthing some artifact that awes you by still existing. whatever power it may also have is secondary; the rush comes from the thought that we are lucky to be seeing this. that’s why the ark was a great relic to find, and so was the grail. the sankara stones faltered because (1) being raised christian, the ark and the grail resonated with me while some pseudo-hindu lore about three non-existent stones didn’t grab me, and (2) the stones were trapped in a seriously ugly, shrill and cruel indiana jones movie.

here are some better artifacts for indy 4 that they should have gone with:

– excalibur
– king arthur’s round table
– the monkey king’s palace
– noah’s ark
– atlantis
– jewish artifact of your choice

here are some bad choices i hope we never see:

– bigfoot
– the windmill don quixote tilted at
– hitler’s third ball
– the cask of amontillado
– r’lyeh
– a butt