Saw It For You: Jurassic World (2015)

_1392673279Jurassic World (2015)

Synopsis. John Hammond’s dream of a thriving dinosaur amusement park is finally and successfully realized, but a genetic contingency designed to take away the dinosaurs’ legs if they escape backfires, and instead gives the dinosaurs extra legs.

Tagline. They thought they didn’t have a leg to stand on. Now they’re legging it for their lives.

Social media promotion. “Tweet with hashtag #legday for a chance to win Chris Pratt’s 1998 Ford Taurus.”

Trivia

  • Jurassic World is the first film in the Jurassic Park franchise to be written by Fanfiction.net user SnapexMalfoy2039.
  • Chris Pratt’s character’s name, “John Clevergirl,” is a reference to the original Jurassic Park (1993).
  • Animators spent four months under the direction of Phil Tippett to compose the 200+ effects shots of the movie’s villain: a super-intelligent ultrasaurus leg with a knee-mounted surface-to-air missile launcher.
  • This movie perhaps leans the hardest on the franchise’s “man vs. the natural order” subtext, as evidenced by the final line of dialogue, “That settles it. Science can only destroy.”
  • This is director Colin Trevorrow’s first film, not counting his other movie.

Mistakes

  • Continuity. A flashlight changes hands between shots during the scene where scientists discover a dead dilophosaur had been evolving rudimentary helicopter blades.
  • An animal that is just “a wheel of legs” without a brain, digestive tract or internal organs would not be able to commandeer an emergency loudspeaker system.
  • Incorrectly regarded as goof. Donald Gennaro (Martin Ferrero) returns, a lawyer who was torn in half and eaten in the original Jurassic Park. A scene which was cut for time explains his survival — when asked about it, Gennaro replies “That was a long time ago.”
  • Despite the similarity of the words, dinosaurs would not be attracted to dynamite.
  • Chairwoman Beth Lifefindsaway (Bryce Dallas Howard) tells Clevergirl to have a seat across from her. When the camera angle changes, she is clearly the actress who played Victoria from The Twilight Saga: Breaking Dawn.
  • Technical error. When the movie ends, the credits cannot roll past the words “The End” which never fade out and leave the screen. The credits crowd and bunch up beneath, filling the screen with a jumble of white letters. In most theaters, there is an apology, and the credits are then read aloud by an usher.

Callbacks and Homages

  • John Hammond Jr. greets investors by extending his toilet seat from its stall on hydraulic rails (The Lost World)
  • The surface of the water in the toilet bowl ripples from a low bass sound (Jurassic Park)
  • Every time Clevergirl is referred to by his last name (Jurassic Park)
  • All the dinosaurs have sharp teeth (Jurassic Park, The Lost World, Jurassic Park 3)
  • The title Jurassic World contains the word “Jurassic” (Jurassic Park, Jurassic Park 3)
  • Characters refer to elevators as ianmalcolms, as in the line “Hold the ianmalcolm for me, wouldja?” (Jurassic Park)
  • A red vial is labeled “Grimlock DNA” (Transformers: Age of Extinction)

Memorable Quotes

Security system AI. 5-LEGGED VELOCIRAPTOR NOT IDENTIFIED AS DINOSAUR. OPENING GATE.

John Clevergirl. Your T-rex has evolved enough legs to jump into low Earth orbit.
Scientist. My God.

Beth Lifefindsaway. We can escape to the Galaxy, my personal boat. It’s moored in Dock B.
John Clevergirl. If it’s the only way off the island, we might have a fight on our hands. Will the others make it back in time?
Beth Lifefindsaway. We might have to guard the ship until then. We’d have to act as guardians.
John Clevergirl. Guardians of the Galaxy. I like the sound of that.
T-Rex. (shrugs directly into camera)

Saw It For You: Pompeii in 3D (2014)

pompeii
Pompeii in 3D (2014)

An ancient Roman settlement leveled by a volcano in 79 AD holds the key to the rise of Christianity, as a 79-year-old Jesus Christ emerges from exile to stop the subterranean Lavatorg.

Tagline. Get Pomped

Trivia

  • Executives greenlit Pompeii despite focus group concerns that it was “too soon.”
  • Upon viewing the ruins, director Paul W.S. Anderson was disappointed to learn there was no modern-day Pompeii. He remarked that the discovery “would hinder the sequel somewhat.”
  • To deliver realistic lava movement, CGI artists began studying footage of water with red food coloring in it. Anderson grew quite fond of the footage, and it was used instead of CGI. This is why the lava looks ridiculous.
  • Actor Kit Harington was given the lead role after surprising casting directors with a 20-minute, incredibly convincing performance of what it would look and sound like to be burned alive.
  • Further investigation led to Harington’s arrest for a string of arson-related murders in the 1990s.
  • The name of the movie was changed very late in development, from its original title “Magmapocalypse: Rise of the Lava Surfers.”

Mistakes

  • Throughout the movie, characters refer to the settlement as “Pom-PEE-eye-EYE.”
  • The citizens of Pompeii were not “Romulans.”
  • Architectural Accident. Senator Impudius is leaning against a column when he answers his cellphone. The column is of the composite order, borrowing from both Ionic and Corinthian design. This style of column did not exist until 82 AD, three years later.
  • Anachronism. Craxtus is felled by a fast-moving spear, as a rebel hundreds of yards away looks up from a high-powered scope. There were no snipers in 79 AD.
  • “Pompeii” is not plural.
  • Director’s trademark. Looking up from a meal in shock, mouth agape as a single unchewed shrimp tumbles out.
  • Horses in the 1st Century were not much different from modern-day horses. They were not a dozen stories tall, nor were they “commonly used” to hide hundreds of soldiers inside. 
  • Historical oversight. Although lava and ash killed all of the citizens of Pompeii, most of them were already dying of unbridled gonorrhea.
  • In reality, the volcano that destroyed Pompeii was not stalking a corrupt legionnaire.
  • Anachronism. Fashion magazines.
  • Molten lava itself is not technically flammable, and would not be diverted by “fighting fire with fire.”
  • Anachronism. “Beef Wellies.”
  • The senate building did not have graffiti of penises and vaginas all over its walls. It is possible the location scout confused Pompeii’s brothel with the seat of government.
  • There was no senate building in Pompeii. The screenwriter may have confused the small settlement with Rome.
  • Breathing ash does not infect humans with “volcanism, which is causing them to vomit lava.”
  • Anachronism. 540 on vert to varial method air.
  • Anachronism. Fire extinguishers.
  • Anachronism. Leonardo da Vinci.
  • The title card “The End” appears four separate times throughout the movie.
  • After-credits scene. A 21st Century city with skyscrapers and highways. Chyron: “Modern-day Pompeii.” A volcano pushes its way past a mountain range and strides into a bay, the earth shaking. Smash to black on a bloodcurdling volcano shriek.

Memorable Quotes

Craxtus. The people of Rome have lost their decency. The volcanoes are our punishment.
Cramulus Varigulus. The only thing causing volcanoes is your ignorance of the natural world, and Jupiter having sex with mountains.

Senator Impudius. With my power consolidated here in Pompeii, the capital of Rome, I shall send armies to the north to destroy the pharaohs of Egypt. Then… onto America.

Decimus Romulus Chimulus Bimulus. (drowning-in-lava noise)

Saw It For You: Godzilla (2014)


Godzilla (2014)

Synopsis. Nuclear testing awakens an undersea beast that threatens the city of Tokyo, California. The creature is dubbed “Godzilla’s Monster” for its discoverer Dr. Lloyd Godzilla (Bryan Cranston).

Trivia

  • Director Gareth Edwards expressed a lot of enthusiasm in remaking Godzilla, saying “I could make a way better Godzilla movie than those stupid old ones. I mean, the first one wasn’t even in color. I turned it off.”
  • The original screenplay included the twist ending that the monster intended no harm, and just happened to be walking near buildings being demolished for safety reasons.
  • The motion capture for the monster was provided by Greg Waterford, a 500-foot-tall actor.
  • Director trademark. Character looking up and accidentally swallowing their cigarette to indicate awe.
  • To cut costs, many of the destruction shots were recycled from 2013’s Pacific Rim. This is why the university research facility looks exactly like Gipsy Danger.
  • Slide whistle sound effects and comical horn honks were added to each on-screen death to help avoid an R rating.
  • Director trademark. Character quipping “That’s gonna leave a mark” after witnessing the trampling death of 80,000 civilians.
  • The monster’s only spoken line, “What hath God wrought,” was voiced by Anthony Hopkins in an uncredited role.
  • Director trademark. Protagonist’s ability to draw a 140-meter-tall monster’s attention by shouting “Hey, down here!”

Mistakes

  • The University of Phoenix does not offer a Leviathanic Sciences doctorate program.
  • Plot hole. The attempt to explain how a creature of this size could move when out of the ocean is nonsensical: air is not “another kind of water.”
  • Having been in hibernation for “millions of years” and never having encountered homo sapiens before, it seems unlikely that the creature would come to a populated area specifically to eat children’s brains.
  • Remiss ratio. Even with its size, the creature does not possess the arm span necessary to punch the moon from the sky.
  • It would take more flour than currently exists on Earth to bake the giant croissant scientists use to lure the creature onto the booby-trapped ferris wheel.
  • Motivation mistake. In the attack helicopter, Sgt. Griff Maximum (Hugh Jackman) shouts “Looking for me, ugly?” The monster was not looking for him.
  • A 30,000-square-foot rope net would be much too large and heavy to fire from the barrel of an L96A1 sniper rifle.
  • The monster has an impossibly huge stride, as indicated by it standing in London, then taking one step to reach New York. Yet somehow Elle Brody (Elizabeth Olsen) is able to outrun the monster, saying “It’ll never catch up to us, thanks to the 2014 Honda CR-V’s superior traction control.”
  • To ensure racer safety, ESPN would have likely cancelled the motocross event rather than continue the race on the monster’s back after it walked through the X-Games.
  • An animal would have no reason to evolve hit points.
  • Crossover confusion. Dr. Lloyd Godzilla uses an Aperture Science portal gun to safely escape debris from the collapsing hospital. The portal gun is never mentioned again.
  • The scientists never settle on a classification for the creature, based on dialogue like “it’s like a gecko, it’ll just regenerate forever” and “time to show that giant fucking bird who’s boss.”
  • It is never explained how it was possible to stop Godzilla by uploading a computer virus.
  • After-credits scene. It would be physically impossible for Godzilla to mate with a household iguana.

Memorable Quotes

Dr. Lloyd Godzilla. This is like the line from the Bhagavad-Gita, times ten billion. “I am become Ultra-Vishnu, destroyer of giga-worlds.”

Sgt. Griff Maximum. Maybe we can kill that thing from the inside.
Elle Brody. You’re insane. We have no idea of that thing’s internal structure —
Sgt. Griff Maximum. I saw that thing gobble my hometown and fart out my high school. If it can fart… that means it has a butthole. If it has a butthole, then it has a tummy. And if it has a tummy… we can give it a tummyache.
Dr. Lloyd Godzilla. He’s right. By God, he’s right.

Otherling Elder. We call ourselves the Otherlings. We are the Men who came Before. Thousands of years ago, this beast laid waste to our civilization. But our surviving ancestors hid on its back, and built new cities. There, we were able to thrive.
Dr. Lloyd Godzilla. So that’s what happened to the neanderthals.

Elle Brody. There’s enough meat here to feed the world’s population ten times over. And its corpse is full of enough healing compounds to usher in a new age of medicine.
Dr. Lloyd Godzilla. Sounds like it was worth it losing the moon.