i’m a capricorn myself, but we lame zodiacs have to band together

just for fun, here’s today’s capricorn horoscope:

While this is a good day for finding new insight into old problems, dear Capricorn, particularly revolving around home and family matters, it’s not the best time to begin an entirely new project. Interests can change suddenly over the coming week, and new information can surface that will have you reversing a decision made now.

sigh. really? really

i like to imagine mario’s bloodstream full of tiny marios, ricocheting each tumor against a stair block and jumping on it again

consult your doctor or mechanic right away. sometimes it’s a manufacturing defect, but you can’t be too careful

the sequel to john travolta’s phenomenon should be called phenomena, where you find out that travolta was actually really an alien who only appears to have a tumor (it is an extra for-cool-powers-only brain)