Episode 57 – See You In Health


Everyone’s back and firing on most cylinders this week! It’s a V7. The episode beckons thus:

  • A quiz right in front which obliterates Kris. Try your hand and comment with your results!
  • Mikey’s a little under the weather, but an inspiring — and surprising — symposium of the heart and mind, makes him whole and one with the universe.
  • Topics get chosen on Choose a Topic! Submit yours to choose@chainsawsuit.com and we will make a choice out of them and talk about your ideas on the show.
  • More commercials to embolden the spirit and lift the soul.

Allons-y? More like allons-you! Don’t correct me, I know what it means.

This entry was posted in Podcast. Bookmark the permalink.

35 Responses to Episode 57 – See You In Health

  1. Giggleloop says:

    Quiz: 4/6. Totally guessed on the Entourage one, but I knew the others as they’re shows I watch/have watched.

    Wait, what?! What is happening on True Blood? That show got too ridiculous even for me, but I might have to go check out that ASkaars. Because, woof. He definitely falls into the My Type category.

    I’ve been playing Border-lllllllands ™ like crazy. You’ve made a FPS convert out of me. So much effing fun.

    What if my inner self help authoress is She-Hulk? Does that work?

    No! This is what I was afraid of – this whole podcast was a ruse to spread the infection to the listeners! *coughs* Sonuva…

    Parent stories! Let’s see… The one with my dad that immediately comes to mind is seeing him being dropped off from a night of bowling with his buddies. I was in my bedroom upstairs and I heard the ruckus outside & went to the window. He was getting out of their car & was clearly wasted. Rather than climbing up the steps to our front door, he instead attempted to climb our steeply pitched front lawn for a moment, then laid down on the grass and started rolling around. He may have also horked into the bushes, I can’t remember. Good times. Don’t really know if I have a similar mom story, nothing springs to mind.

    Good lord, Kris’s dad kicking down that door startled me. Phew!

    Spaghetti and meatballs sound seriously amazing right now. Pros & cons of food talk on the cast: love hearing y’all talking about food; but then I want to eat all of it. And it’s not here. Dang it all.

    Ah, those strawberry candies! I had forgotten those existed until this moment. So good.

    Thanks for toughing it out and bringing us a podcast this weekend, guys. Go stuff those craws with celebratory yards-o-beef and heal up. *mwah* Seriously, feel better. Love ya.

    • Qmzn says:

      I wouldn't play Border-lllllllands™. If you watched the E3 trailer from 1987, you could see volumetric fog, dynamic lighting, and physics effects that are missing in the final release. The technical game industry term for this shysterism is either "vertical slice" or "black forest ham sandwich".

      I was stupid and bought a copy at launch. I hate that I wasted a hard-earned $60 on such an unfinished mess, but I still play it regularly, mostly out of spite. Not to brag, but my clan is rank 9 on the leaderboards. No, you can't join. Signups are closed, plus most people can't handle the training schedule.

      • Giggleloop says:

        Well, I’ve unlocked my true inner sniper siren goddess potential through Dr. Craig’s How To Pwn Like A Pro self-help webisodes, so that’s your loss I guess. *brushes shoulders off*


        • Qmzn says:

          Our crew "p4n[)0r4-h34[)$h07zz" is all-Gunzerker. I got mad respect for the Craig system, but we don't take Sirens.

          You might want to try out for "p4n[)0r4_h34[)$h07z", though (one Z, underscore). They are clutch pwnerz that thrash us in scrims, and they use mixed classes. They've been around a long time too, since Laugh-Life: Opposing Farce DM on the TRS-80.

  2. Kyle_Douglas says:

    What a nice surprise after I expected "56?" to be the only audio chainsaw infusion this week.
    As per usual, take a rope if you're going to descend this wall of text.

    “There's an elevator in my bathtub” – Mikey reconfirmed for being Matt Smith's Doctor.

    This is the second time that "we've never missed a podcast" has been mentioned. The first time back in 52 it sounded like a deliberate denial jokey banter, but since this time it sounded serious I suppose it should be pointed out that's… wrong.
    The week after “Gravity” while you were on the JoCo Cruise there wasn't a podcast until two weeks later. It's the reason Episode 52 fell almost exactly on the anniversary of Episode 1. If you hadn't missed one then Episode 53 would have been what fell on the anniversary (because you'd have had 52 unique episodes to fill a full year without date overlap).
    If it is deliberate denial, then ahhh… what a wonderful running gag that I totally got!

    On the quiz I was able to say “fake” on Game of Thrones since I actually watch that show, but I just guessed real on everything else since it all sounded plausible: which garnered me a 4 out of 6.
    That's 4 quizzes in a row that I've edged out our hosts by one point. Hopefully that's the last time since I'm getting tired of the phrase “edged out”

    Kris: “What does Wolfenstein look like in Germany?” Mikey gave the right answer, but here's a visual if you want to see it: http://i.imgur.com/d6JgZgh.jpg

    I really liked Mikey's “Question Everything” commercial, the style reminded me a lot of one of my favorite Simpsons gags.

    I attempted to apply the amazing self-help advice delivered in segment two to my own life, but creating a tiny “Kaylee Douglas” in my mind just made me think about Firefly… and there's probably already disturbing fanfics about miniature Jewel Staite out there anyway, so why would I bother?

    The Dragon of Illiteracy is definitely a character worthy of incorporation in the chainsawsuit canon.

    Short Circuit was certainly not an answer I was expecting to my topic! It's a shame there was a deep schism in the Church of Johnny Five in 2008 over disputes of whether WALL-E was gospel or not.

    Another very solid episode, even if I was sort of hoping an extra Kris from 56 would stick around to rebrand the show as “Two Krises, a Mikey, and a Podcast”

    Wishing a continued speedy recovery to Mikey,
    Kyle McDouglason

  3. You are so interesting! I don’t believe I’ve truly read through anything like this before. So wonderful to discover another person with some genuine thoughts on this subject. Really.. thanks for starting this up. This site is something that’s needed on the internet, someone with a little originality.

    • MikeyNeumann says:

      Wow … at first I'm upset that there's only 4 comments this morning only to BE MORE UPSET THAT there's only 3.

      Not that ol' Azzie is a spambot, no sir. You, Azzie Pothoven, are a class act with just the perfect amount of effervescent nondescript joy! No, I think YOU'RE so interesting!

      • LMcCJ says:

        I wish Azzie had a website so we could learn more about him/her.

        (Usually the bots wait a few weeks before they show up. Points for promptness on this bot.)

        • Giggleloop says:

          Apparently Azzie is into fungal diseases (which I learned by hovering over his/her name). Hey, everybody's got their something.

  4. LMcCJ says:

    I remember when AIDS was the 4-H disease (hemophiliacs, homosexuals, heroin addicts, Haitians). Having coworkers tell you their partner was just diagnosed and you knew that meant your coworker was going to die. People who wouldn't admit to what they had but, you watched them waste away day after day until they stopped coming around. Ugh, it's still so vivid.

    Happier topic. 10/10 on the quiz! Pro Tip: Ace the HBO quiz by never having subscribed to HBO (although, I will admit I watched some Entourage DVDs from the library).

    You know, MIkey, you say A. Saars was shaved but, if he was really smooth, he must have waxed. Imagine that trip to the aesthetician.

    I imagined the Frustram Walker book was something like Mikey's mind this past week.

    I suspected Dr. Craig of impure motives when he mentioned the pencil skirt. And, I wouldn't take advice from anyone whose read 100s of self-help books.

    Kris, you give good hurl. I could not listen to you.

    Road Trip Suggestion: Denton, TX to visit the World's Largest Ball of Barbed Wire because, Who does that? How much blood has been dripped on that wire? Does it smell? People need answers. I'm sure it's on the way.

    I hope both of you are restored to health soon and that you're building up all the immunities you'll need to ride out the summer.

  5. Mikey, it's 57 varieties*, not 57 ingredients!

    *"57 varieties" is also bullshit advertising fluff and not an actual fact

  6. so now I'm a tiny, sexy authoress… but I was already a star horse…

    I'm not sure where this is going, but I'm surprisingly okay with it.

  7. ThomasG says:

    2/6 woof
    i was quite glad to see the self-help stuff taken to another level. thanks guys. glad to have you back, mikey

  8. sheanam says:

    I can't stand FPS games in general, they generally blend together into a boring, gory soup to me. Heck, I'll admit it, the first Borderlands didn't grab my attention very much. But Borderlands 2? One I've sunk maaaaany hours into and will sink yet more, one of my favorite games of all time, let alone FPS ones. Still working through the DLC and excited for all future entries in the series as well. Heck, I'd even play Border-llllllllands™ at this point. Ya did good, Mikey.

    Kris, if you're in the market for 'dry' cottage cheese, it's called farmer cheese! It's pretty much exactly the same as cottage cheese in terms of flavor and texture, only it comes in nice firm, dry blocks. It's used in things like lazy pierogis (simple cheese dumplings), blintz filling, various other toppings and dishes, can be used as a spread. Very popular with us Eastern Europeans, who are particularly gaga over the Friendship brand.

    • frostyplum says:

      I went to a Bosnian restaurant one time. They made a delightful feta on-site (I think) that wasn't too salty or spicy.. very fresh and solid, much like you describe. Unfortunately, the otherwise meat-based Bosnian diet was a bit too much for me.

  9. LMcCJ says:

    So, do the senior Misters Neumann and Straub read the Comments? Just wondering.

    "Hey there Mr. Straub, Mr. Neumann! Fine boys you've raised." *thumbs up*

    /Seriously, do you think they're reading?/

  10. krisstraub says:


    Dad: I made you watch Step by Step. What did you learn? What did you learn?
    Kris: I learned nothing because the actor Sasha Mitchell beat his wife and I didn't appreciate the show after that.
    Dad: He beat his wife off set. Not his character.

  11. LMcCJ says:

    The way I see it, Mr. Straub went to the trouble of giving Kris beer as a child then undid all his hard work by revealing the joy of good booze. Later, after he sobered up, Mr. S also realized he had overreacted and forever resented his children as the reason he wasted a bottle of the good stuff. (Father's Day is coming, Kris. Time to make up for it.)

    How is Mr. Neumann even Mikey's dad? Summer sausage?!! I wouldn't want to cast aspersions on the sainted Mrs. Neumann but, it might be time for a talk.

  12. frostyplum says:

    The audio mix screwed me up this week. I'm used to Kris in my right ear and Mikey in my left (I could swear). Other than that, fantastic job; I expected you guys to lay low with Mikey on the mend. Fat chance.

    Ever make your own noodles, Mikey? Always curious; never tried. I *do* have a cheesemaking kit I have yet to delve into, however. Apologizing for dragging down Guy Fieri's real name? Pure class.

    I for one am very interested to see how your guys' road trip would go.

    Mikey: "I brought a bigass cooler, a travel grill, some burgers, some steaks, a cheese plate, homemade meatballs, homemade pesto, homemade hummus, homemade salsa, homemade guac, tortilla chips, condiments and IBC Black Cherry."
    Kris: "I brought a bag of Combos. And I think I see a dead squirrel up ahead."

  13. frostyplum says:

    Who needs sleep when you can draw a Dragon of Illiteracy instead?

    • Qmzn says:

      D'aww, he's a dragon and he can't read. Can he even read Dragonish? If not, that's really sad.

      "I'd probably remember my Dragon Shouts better if I could even keep a journal…"

  14. Hilfram Shirson says:

    Summer Sausage, Colby Cheese, and Ritz crackers is somewhere on the top 10 list of things I want to be eating at any given moment.

    Does this mean I have failed?

Comments are closed.