Episode 53 – Caramel Fools



Kris and Mikey are kicking off year two of The Chainsawsuit Podcast: The Show: Now An Hour-Long Podcast in style! (By not being able to agree on what the branding of the show actually is.)

Episode 53 features these highlights:

  • Brand talk
  • The War of 1812, specifically, the stuff that happened in 1814 during the War of 1812
  • Brand talk about how The War of 1812 existed in numerous years other than 1812
  • Dumb 24-hour news programs
  • Kris and Mikey Choose YOUR Topics
  • And Kris gives Mikey a brand new quiz that just might be one of the hardest ever featured on the program

As always we love to chat it up with you all in the comments, and if you have a moment, hop on over to iTunes and leave us a rating.

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59 Responses to Episode 53 – Caramel Fools

  1. Giggleloop says:

    Another stellar cast/show/episode. Starting season two off right!

    I really like the album cover; but then I have a soft spot for crows, ravens, all corvids. They’re the best birds.

    It’s Your Hole! (TM) Yeah, no, suitwhores: not so much. Chainsawsuitors. (Not sure what we ladies should be. Chainsawsuitorettes? That is almost a whole tweet’s worth of characters. We might need to consolidate that down.) I’ve already taken to calling my fellow lady friends Chainsawgals. We need to workshop this, guys. C’mon.

    Guys as in folks, not guys as in men. I fully support any and all future discussion of gender fluidity, pronoun usage, etc. In part because it is relative to my interests, and also because it was an interesting discussion to hear your takes on. You’d be the best damn actress the Oscars could hope for, Mikey :)

    I’ve always heard it called a post hole digger; that’s what my dad calls it anyway. You know, for digging holes, that would then be filled with posts. Pretty self explanatory. Not my favorite tool. In my experience, it requires a ton of effort to use, with not a lot of results. An auger is the new hotness for that kind of job, I think. (Why the HELL am I talking about tools?!)

    Regarding the murder house question, that is precisely why I do not want to know anything about the history of my house. I’m enough of a scaredy cat just in general, and routinely freak myself out over non-existent things – I don’t need concrete knowledge of anything that’s going to fuel my imagination any further.

    Quiz: I also got 5 out of 10. Holy cow, every single one that I thought “that’s too ridiculous to be real”, I got wrong.

    You’ll die in the street. Sorrento’s. I mean, Guy Fieri’s.

    Guys, I figured out the secret to leaving great comments! I took notes while I was listening! Ha HA! Boom! I just hope Kyle Douglas doesn’t feel threatened that I’m coming for his spot now– HSSST! *takes blowgun dart to the neck, collapses*

  2. TheAngryBeard says:

    Well, that's it. Listened to a whole year of the podcast and managed to avoid laughing so hard that I develop painful, body-wracking hiccups…

    And then you guys hit me with "You'll die in the street." Goddamn it. Had to drink two full glasses of water.

  3. Kyle_Douglas says:

    This episode got quite a bit more political than past episodes (I can only recall one other that went that direction and it was a long time ago). Nothing necessarily wrong with that, but it does open the show up to a bit more divisiveness than usual. I grumbled a bit to myself when Mikey said that there should have been a "longer time out for Germany” since the world totally tried that with the Treaty of Versailles after WWI…. it didn't work out so well.

    On top of that there was a lot of misinformation spread about the presidency of Jesus. That was right before the presidency of Benjamin Franklin. Why else do you think that Jesus is on the $7 bill? But hey, whatever. I enjoyed the episode and it was made all the more enjoyable over some Fettuccine Alfredo I made. Or as I prefer to call it: “Sauce-Spangled Noodles”

    Not a bad week for self-indulgence. Mikey took joy in my past failures AND my topic got read.
    Granted my topic got read during the poison commercial. I was really worried that my poison was well past its expiration and unsuitable for application to blowdarts which I use for hunting the most dangerous game Giggleloop rabid animals in the interest of public safety.

    A 6/10 on the quiz. Hardly better than randomly guessing, but technically edged out Mikey I suppose. I missed the Chinatown one for the same reason Kris would have.

    Glanced over the menus Kris used. He's right; no trademark symbols. However there are certain "signature dishes" with Guy's signature next to them. There are 10 of those (including the "Salted Whiskey Caramel Fool" and "Motley Que Ribs").

    Chainsawsuiters has grown on me after Kris' joke about dating the podcast. Though I remain a supporter of the overly earnest "Chainsawsuit Crusaders" in the same vein as the KISS Army.

    • MikeyNeumann says:

      Yeah, I figured that will happen from time to time. Especially since I made all those jokes about Canada burning down the White House — given that it was actually the English sneaking through Canada (though, there were some actual Canadians there).

      Yeah, the time out for Germany comment was probably too far — it was more of a comment about people are still alive that lived through events with other countries. Eh. I guess we'll see what happens!

      • Kyle_Douglas says:

        That was all a really weird bit of synchronicity for me since I was just discussing the War of 1812 two days ago… in other words right around when you were recording the podcast! (I made a joke about the war to a Brit… completely missed the mark since she assumed I was talking about the Peninsular War. I guess even burning down the White House didn't make it a very memorable occasion across the pond).

        Anyway, for getting my biggest laugh of the episode (with the bit about LMcCJ discovering a "format below mono"), I'll pardon you for any political discordance and even give you an extra point on the quiz to tie with me – because that's what's really important here 😉

  4. Daphnetrodon says:

    Starting the new year right! This podcast marks the first time I've ever found a 9/11 joke remotely funny (not because I'm oversensitive but because I've never encountered one that was actually funny). I think taking the joke to such an absurd extreme made it really, really funny because I was both surprised that you went there and surprised that it was actually funny. Like I said that one time before, when you commit, you guys really commit!

    Good batch of topics, too! I missed CAT. I know there's always a risk that it'll feel too constrained or too competitively silly (Kris' objection there is the same one I had) but I think most of us listeners are pretty good about sending in interesting and fun topics. Hearing what you guys think about things is always fun – which I guess is why there's a podcast to begin with! I will forever mourn my long-lost topic that never was, but I am totally racking my brain for something else to submit in the hopes of sating my ever-burning curiosity regarding the opinions of podcastmen.

    As far as choosing a name for chainsawsuit fans goes, I'm a little stuck. I sort of like chainsawsuitors because it is a gender-neutral term, and calling us all lumberjacks or something would just be way too silly. Bladers and bladettes just sounds like something out of an awful sci-fi novel. I guess as long as we don't decide to call ourselves Farthouses I can't complain too much. (That was my favorite sketch after Median Mood Quencher, which I have always found sufficiently amusing and perfectly acceptable on all fronts.)

    • Qmzn says:

      I don't think the right name for the fanbase has landed yet. The response to most suggestions has been pretty ambivalent.

      The secret society within the fanbase did settle on Children of the Chainsaw, though. Time to finally get our cultist robes embroidered.

      • MikeyNeumann says:

        I want a name with a call to arms; something that speaks to a group that likes a podcast, but also solves mysteries.

        How about: Chainsawsleuths?

        • Daphnetrodon says:

          Ooh, or chainsawsnoops! We get the chainsawscoop! <- Now I'm getting a "gang of mystery-solving kids" vibe. (And I already get a lot of Scooby-Doo jokes thanks to my first name, so I dunno how I feel about that.)

          Actually, would calling us "the chainsawtroops" ever work? As in "actually, Kris, word from the chainsawtroops is [word from us]"? Because that's not so bad. I mean, I wouldn't call myself a chainsawtrooper. But saying I was in the chainsawtroop (or chainsawtroupe) wouldn't be so bad.

          • Qmzn says:

            It's not bad, but I'm not sure the military vibe is a good fit, unless it's heavy with irony. The fanbase doesn't feel uniform enough.

            Chainsawmniacs? Chainsquires? Chainstigators? Chainstars? Chainchomps?

            Nope, dissatisfied. Let's brainstorm until our brains turn into Hot Pockets™!

          • Kyle_Douglas says:

            Some groups break away from the core name of the product entirely (Browncoats for Firefly being one that comes to mind).

            My only immediate thought on that front would be "The Fourth Segment" as a play on the Fourth Estate and the 12th Man. Since, you know, the comments come after Segment Three.

            Meh. I'm rather in agreement with what you said above that nothing feels like a solid fit yet. Perhaps some running gag in Year Two will present itself as the basis of a name.

          • Daphnetrodon says:

            Nothing really feels solid to me yet, but I do think Chainstigators is really strong. Maybe that's what we need to workshop: just using 'chain' as the first syllable and not rely so much on the full title. And we might just have to wait a few episodes to see what terms we like. Maybe it's too soon.

          • MikeyNeumann says:

            I don't think it's too early. Think about it this way: Chainsawsuit has run, so far, 42 1/2 hours _longer_ than Firefly ever did, and they have a name.

            In that vein: I sorta like the idea that you guys are all "red lights".

          • Kyle_Douglas says:

            This was one of my suggestions back when the topic came up in the Episode 37 Saga (during which I was declared "Top #1 Member" of the unnamed group :p

            But that means that the collective group of all fans is obviously the "Red Light District" which is… ah… one direction to go, I suppose. I mean, the other series is called On a Bed.

          • Daphnetrodon says:

            I don't know, I like the idea of being a red light/redlighter. I'm fine ignoring the "District" phrase.

          • LMcCJ says:

            Now, we've got some brainstorming going on.

            First, I can actually see Kris squirming from here when we drop the "suit" ending. I don't sense as much disturbance when "sawsuit" is dropped but, we'll see where we land.

            I like "red lights" because it's an inside joke that makes no sense when explained. And, if I was at a con panel, attempting to get the attention of K or M, I'd prefer to scream, "Kris! Mikey! Over here, I'm a red light!" rather than, "Mikey! Kris! Over here, I'm a 'whore!"

          • Ford Dent says:

            I like the red light idea, mostly because like LMcCJ says, it's an inside joke that makes no sense. I am a big fan of inside jokes that make no sense.

          • ThomasG says:

            Red Lights! I like it! Though I'm never going to let go of chainsawsuitor, I really like this Red Lights thang.

          • MikeyNeumann says:

            I like the grass-rootsiness of merch for red light.

            White shirt; red light bulb on the front of it. It says "I'll turn myself on, thank you" or something silly.

          • ThomasG says:


          • Kyle_Douglas says:

            I don't know. I think the kind of crowd that frequents conventions might already be oversaturated with red lights.

            Red lightsabers, the majority of phasers, River Song's sonic screwdriver, HAL 9000 replicas, those little hand gems from Logan's Run (are there any hardcore Logan's Run fans? Is that a thing?), the Eye of Sauron…

            (if I recall correctly, Mikey doesn't like when people play devil's advocate, but I really just want to see how deep this reply chain will go 😉

          • ThomasG says:

            as you might recall, the red light has, at one point, been an entire wall.

            i think this could be presented in a pretty creepy way, and would make it quite unique as compared to the gamut of RL's you mentioned, k-Doug

          • LMcCJ says:

            How many listeners are we? I'd like to know how many silent voices I represent.

            Kyle you're being silly. chainsawsuit RULES the coniverse. Ain't no red like a chainsawsuit red.

          • frostyplum says:

            Brand loyalty, multiple meanings, obscure origins, filthy implications. I like it.

          • Giggleloop says:

            Red lights definitely has solid potential. Browncoat, Redlight, it’s all falling into place now!

          • Giggleloop says:

            Another one that just popped into my head, but isn’t that great: Chain Gang. Although there’s no real positive spin that can be put on it, I don’t think. Just putting it out there.

            We’re basically just throwing everything at the wall to see what sticks now.

          • LMcCJ says:

            We're definitely at flinging the poo stage. Keep throwing! We'll put the shine on it later.

          • Giggleloop says:

            Go ahead and set up a pre order for that shirt, Mikey. I’ll take one. Maybe baseball style with red sleeves and a white torso.

          • frostyplum says:

            That makes me think we're all on an underdog softball team, getting pumped up for that one last big game. We'll show those Nerdist fans who's boss!! *adjusts cap, throws on Technotronic montage music*

          • Giggleloop says:

            Well, if it were Nerdist fans, it'd be a bowling league. Which opens up an entire other realm of shirt possibilities.

  5. @toddef says:

    Great episode as always guys. One little thing about the quiz…

    Sammy Hagar isn't a dummer. He's a singer, and his nickname is actually "The Red Rocker". Known best for taking over as the singer in Van Halen from Diamon David Lee Roth. Oddly enough, he also has a brand of tequila, "Cabo Wabo tequila". The Mojito is what threw me, Sammy Hagar, "the red rocker", known for tequila on a branded mojito, which is neither red nor made with tequila.

    So as Mikey said, "it's wrong, but that doesn't mean it's fake".

  6. LMcCJ says:

    Aw, Mikey, you're an audio 1 percenter. I hope I haven't ruined it for all future chainsawsuiter participation. It was very kind of you to use the piece anyway once you saw what I gave you. In my (unnecessary) defense, some little kid on YouTube showed me what to do. Let's blame him.

    I suggest that if someone can't figure out if Kris is talking about a podcast, a comic, or a video, from the context of his conversation, they probably have bigger issues to deal with. The branding is fine.

    I had a neighbor who fought against the Japanese and could not move past it. His language and views against the entire culture could not be tempered. At least now we, generally, focus our distaste on the leader not the country.

    I like a gender neutral name. chainsawsuitor is preferred. It will be shortened at some point to 'suitors so 'whores doesn't really work here. If I wore that t-shirt, I might earn a little extra money but, it would be exhausting. (It was a consortium and quorum of 1. I thought I made that joke clear. This is why I'm not in the biz.)

    Will be in NYC again in June for Elvis Costello. I'm pretty sure we'll find some other place to drink afterwards than Guy's spot. But, perhaps there will be a photo opportunity….

    I hadn't realized Watchtower was a new release (since you already let us listen to it).

    Buy/Listen to the album everyone. It's da bomb.

  7. ThomasG says:

    5/10. woof.

    chainsawsuitors, sweet.
    for the ladies?: chainsawsuitskirts? (i see confusion coming with this one; the intended reference is the suit skirt, but the result seems more of a callback to callin' 'em dames, skirts, and broads, which isn't really the bee's knees anymore)
    for the kids: chainsawsuieeties

    • Daphnetrodon says:

      Chainsawskirts are definitely a thing I would wear, even if they aren't a thing I want to be called.

  8. Josh Lewis says:

    The poison commercial was my favourite yet. Great show!

    • LMcCJ says:

      The poison was great. I was trying to think of what the equivalent to anti-vaxxers would be but came up empty.

      Oh, and 6/10 on the quiz. I'm pretty proud since I always confuse Guy FIeri with the guy who wears plastic clogs.

      • MikeyNeumann says:


        • LMcCJ says:

          That's it! Don't you think those shoes would be unsanitary? Maybe he just wears them on The Chew.

        • frostyplum says:

          A fan of Salumi, are ye? My foodie ex looooooooves that place.

          On that note, just embrace the foodie label, Mikey. You'll feel better, we'll get to hear you talk about food more, everybody's happy. Except that one guy who said one thing eight years ago, and screw him anyway.

          • krisstraub says:

            yeah, maybe if we use the term "foodie" instead of "food snob." i should have known better. the latter is way too judgmental

          • Giggleloop says:

            Or maybe epicurean? It sounds very worldly. (I think I'm using that word correctly. 99% sure it's food related.)

          • ThomasG says:

            G-loop, you're correct in its common usage; though I personally don't like the term's implicit reduction of Epicurean philosophy, I also have an abnormally strong dislike of reductionism (there's an attempt at a joke in there regarding the ironic reduced use of reductionism but it's just not funny).

            That being said, I like "epicurean" much better than "foodie." I respect a self-identified "food snob" infinitely more than a "foodie." "Foodie" seems too general to me. All people eat food. Some people have strong opinions about food quality. "Food Connoisseur" is classic! "Guy who has strong opinions about food and likes to use those opinions as the basis of some of his jocular banter" would also work. GWHSOAFALTUTOATBOSOHJB is a bit long for an acronym, though.

          • frostyplum says:

            I too prefer "food snob" to "foodie," as long as said snob OWNS that shit.

          • Giggleloop says:

            ep·i·cu·re·an : adj.
            1. Devoted to the pursuit of sensual pleasure, especially to the enjoyment of good food and comfort.

            … just gonna leave that there.

          • ThomasG says:

            I started reading this and couldn't fight the boredom past the first big paragraph http://lesswrong.com/lw/nr/the_argument_from_comm

  9. frostyplum says:

    4 out of 10. WHY WOULD A MOJITO BE RED?!?!
    I got the Chinatown salad right cuz Al's Italian Beef (here in Chicago) used to offer a Chinatown Peanut Chicken Salad, and it was phenomenal. You wouldn't think so, considering their other artery-clogging fare, but dayam. They don't make it anymore, of course. Stupid mob rule.

    I can't complain anymore about never getting my topics picked, can I? :) One from each of yas; I'm honored, even more so if you picked them independently. The Italian schism along the lines of "freedom fries" makes almost too much sense for middle America, though I daresay we'd need some hyperbolic event to make it stick. I'll have to listen to the bad movie reply again; I had too much "holy shit they read ANOTHER of my topics" going through my head the first time.

    Poison commercial was top-notch. I'm sure my coworkers thought I was going to explode. The CNN commercial was downright eerie with headphones on. I take massive issue with chainsawsuitskirts…unless you're willing to go the extra mile and show some gams, ThomasG, I'm putting my foot down.

    Okay, now what do I have to do to make a Neil Peart beer flight (aka Flight by Night) a reality? "2112 Different Combinations, from A to YYZ!"

    • ThomasG says:

      understood, frosty-P. what i like most about "chainsawsuitors" is that it preserves the "suit" part of the word, and i just wanted to throw out an admittedly bad idea that still had that "suit" part. i'm always willing to show some gams; once i get my hands on my kilt i hope to make amends for my crappy suggestion, though i don't know exactly how i'm going to work in the chainsaws yet.

      • Giggleloop says:

        Maybe we could just be chainsawsuits then, all of us. Hell, I enjoy wearing a suit on occasion. Suits are awesome.

  10. The Red Light says:

    I didn't mind when they wrote me out of the show. We had just finished up recording the season and I understood the show had to move on. I had outlasted a lot of other folks, Jake da Jake, Tom, heck, even Mikey's wife! I thought of myself as the unofficial third member of the show. But the joke was old, so we departed on good terms. It's not like other work was hard to get. The radio scene isn't what it used to be, but there are still recording studios, or even the occasional comedy or dance club. I still listened every week of course, just to see how the guys were doing without me. And then this week, when Mikey said I never existed? I had to pull over on my way to a gig and sit there by the side of the road, listening to that part over and over. My stomach dropped out, I felt hot, yet cold. I was just being retconned out of the show? As if I never mattered?

    • MikeyNeumann says:

      I totally forgot about Jake ta Jake! The most hastily named character of all time — knowing I had to come up with something…I just blurted that.

      Ahhh, the trips down memory lane

    • Giggleloop says:

      We're all red lights now… your spirit lives on in the glowing red hearts of us all. *does Hunger Games salute*

  11. LMcCJ says:

    Where'd my comment go? I hate when that happens.

    • krisstraub says:

      i don't know what happens sometimes! the spam filter can get overzealous and i never see where it goes.

      • LMcCJ says:

        It's fine. I was just ragging on Mario Batali again. Mikey probably did it. 😉

        • ThomasG says:

          the spam filter did save me recently; I almost ruined a fantastic comment by k-dougs by replying to it when i was supposed to be dead; thankfully, my attempted linking was thwarted, and the joke was not ruined. until now.

  12. Qmzn says:

    The talk about unintentional comedies and delusional directors really took me back to the first time I saw The Making of '…And God Spoke'. Cramped classroom, rolling A/V cart. Memories.

  13. sheanam says:

    Hmm, Chainers? I'm fine with Suitors, really! It's terrible and awkward enough to 'suit' Chainsawsuit.

    I remember writing a paper about the burning down of the White House during the war of 1812 back in early high school! They ransacked the place a bit, at least one dude even stole the President's underwear and exchanged it for his own right then and there, which is just plain Rude.

    Definitely agree on the whole Actor/Actress thing! If you'd like an additional example of what a useless joke the Oscars are, look up that somewhat recent expose article about how a lot of the Academy approach the animated films & shorts sections. And by 'approach', I mean 'don't even bother to watch that useless kiddie crap or vote at all'.

    What the hell even IS a caramel fool, anyway.

  14. zotmeister says:

    – I'm reminded of trailers for "YTMND: The Soundtrack". Loudest, colon, EVER.
    – Perhaps some wordplay is in order: might I suggest "Hackjackets"?
    – Germany is still in contention for the censorship capital of the planet, apparently convinced that depictions of violence in media is going to cause World War 3.
    – So you're saying 18 Wheeler: American Pro Trucker had a real-life crossover with Emergency Call Ambulance? #ObscureSegaRacingGames
    – Pizza replacement: gourmet Pop-Tarts.
    – "You're Cirque de So Wrong." "NEUMANN! [thumpk]"
    – 3 out of 10 on the quiz. Uuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuugh. #GuyFieriAlwaysCausesThatReaction

  15. Brent says:

    8/10! Woot!!

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