Episode 51 – Hot Pouches

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The episode between all the super-episodes of Chainsawsuit: The big 5-1; a normal episode for a couple of normal guys who publish esoteric comedy on the ‘nets (internet[s]).

  • Kris and Mikey talk reality TV as only they can: by making it a competish.
  • Kris shows his charitable side.
  • Mikey fawns over Hannibal some more because somebody put a bird on it.
  • A super-special sneak preview of this television off-season’s greatest new police procedural.

If you wanna help us out, don’t forget to hop on over to iTunes and rate/review our show HERE. This helps increase our reach so that Chainsawsuit can become the 14th most-listened to comedy podcast east of the west bank of the Mississippi (the coveted ‘in-river’ podcast demographic).

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36 Responses to Episode 51 – Hot Pouches

  1. MikeyNeumann says:

    Try new Lean Pouches too.

  2. LuDux says:

    I’d legitimately buy a CD of music from you guys, especially if it had something like bonus stickers. Or just the stickers, with bonus music CD.

    • Giggleloop says:

      Yes, a thousand times this. I've enjoyed your music so much, I'd like to throw money at you for it please. :)

  3. Alligator Pool Toy says:

    Impressed yet again by the quality of games here on Chainsawsuit: The Podcast.
    I got a 4 D:

    It being 4/20 I found it very appropriate that y'all discussed brownies: a recursive bad idea. It's weeds all the way down.

    Spittin ideas for for Merch on the Taaaaaaaable (invoking Tom Haverford voice)

    1) I'd love to nab me some of them stickers as well. Kris and Mikey stick figures, or that chainsawsuit guy, maybe several little chainsaws to stick everywhere? A rainbow unicorn with a chainsaw for a horn??? THE POSSIBILITIES ARE GO. 3D glitter holographic action optional.
    2) PINS! I love me some pins.
    3) A hoodie with chainsaws for hands. Okay maybe just a tanktop/tee with stick figure yous stamped on the front.
    4) Tiny turtle plushie. When you squeeze his tummy, he recites Shakespeare.
    5) Fake advertisement poster/merch based on one of the commercials
    6) A coloring book of some sort
    7) I much agree, LuDux. ChainsawSongs: the album, would be very welcome.
    8) Wristbands with little chainsaws stickin out. I'm imagining something like this: http://tinyurl.com/lxzv3ru

    I would purchase any and all of these items

    Another amazing 'cast! 😀

  4. fauxben says:

    I'd buy the hell out of some official Comedy Dawggz™ merchandise at the next PAX.

    Also, for posterity: http://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=Pi

    • Giggleloop says:

      Oh my good sweet lord. I don't know why I'm surprised that was already defined. And that's it's completely gross. Something called the Pirate Master should be infinitely sexier than that. (Leave it to a man… smh)

      Okay ladies, currently accepting alternate definitions.

    • Qmzn says:

      Aw, I think the name, "Treasure Island" would have been a funnier name for that one.

      "Pirate Master" should be when you keelhaul your partner, painfully scraping them across the bottom of the bed frame, then verbally abuse them while they mop the kitchen floor.

  5. Kyle_Douglas says:

    Through an innovative process of guessing "Not Real" on almost everything, I scored a 7/10 on the reality show game. I'm still having difficulty coming to terms with a reality show utilizing a laugh track being something that happened.

    Mikey mentioned "The Best Memes From This Week" being a ridiculous premise for a show… isn't that only one step away from Tosh.0?

    Liked the IMDb Cop segment but felt it was at its best when little flubs were made ("Like Psych!… No, they like each other… they like each other"). I think the character could be funnier if he constantly took quotes and movie synopsis out of context because he hadn't actually watched anything due to being so busy memorizing the database.

    Your discussion of Mads Mikkelsen looking like a human version of a Boba Fett zip-up hoodie answered your own question at the start about merch: Kris and Mikey zip-up hoodies! Having zippers through the middle of your stylized cartoon faces wouldn't be creepy at all!
    (Okay, they'd be really, really creepy… I suppose a Broodhollow Harker one would be fitting though)

    Anyway, everyone be sure to check out my new show on TLC3 "Sensory Deprivation Wars"! Our contestants may be competing to get their heart rate and brain activity as low as possible, but you'll be on the edge of your seat! Will Donny nearly drown in his tank? What'll happen when we make Sandra and Vince share a single tank? How will everyone react when we introduce a new contestant who is blind, deaf, and anosmic? Find out on TLC3 this summer!

  6. Qmzn says:

    This week was a nice little chat. I listened while I played Innerspace: The Pre-Back-Story. I'm pretty blown away at how detailed the Meg Ryan player model is, and the new villain, Attractive Andy, is serviceable. It's actually the first game I've ever bought for my Atari Jaguar, but I already had a big collection of video-on-cartridge before this, because as set-top boxes go, it

    Sorry, I was thinking about breasts. Sweet, succulent breasts of white meat chicken, that you can find on top of any of three premium salads, now on sale at your local

    Sorry, I was thinking about Chainsawsuit merchandise. Perhaps a cuddly stuffed chainsaw? It could include an adjustable cloth band covered in the "hook" part of a "hook and loop" fastener (AKA Velcro). Then, you make the handle portion of the chainsaw plush out of "loop" fabric. You wear the band on your arm or wrist, then fasten the plush chainsaw at whatever angle you choose. You could sell them at conventions, before panels, so that everyone in the audience could "Put 'em Up" on command. Or, if you wore an entire suit of hook fasteners, and had enough plush chainsaws, you could have a

    Sorry, I was thinking about breasts again.

  7. Giggleloop says:

    For the special IMDB:PD episode where the internet goes down, Jameson has to carry around a massive paperback tome of Leonard Maltin or Roger Elbert movie guides. Lots of opportunity for exciting page-turning montages.

  8. megan_made_this says:

    I would absolutely watch Celebrity Storage Wars: Dubai. I would have considered watching for Alex Mack, but then you threw in Coach Taylor (or as I will also always remember him, Early Edition's Gary Hobson) and I got super stoked.

    • MikeyNeumann says:

      Ohhhh, points for bringing up Early Edition! Kyle Chandler really has been around forever.

      • megan_made_this says:

        Indeed. I thought about it for a while before posting and came to the conclusion that having a one-day-in-the-future edition of a Chicago-based newspaper probably wouldn't give him any kind of unfair advantage in CSW: Dubai. But the Gary Hobson version would have a cat, and you know how the people go crazy for cats. Alex Mack, on the other hand, could totally liquify and slip under those storage locker doors to figure out which ones had the choice items.

  9. LMcCJ says:

    *uproarious applause*

    7/10 on the quiz. I like to think I know less about reality shows but am more in tune with Mikey's sense of humor, so let's go with that.

    I think we all need to slow down and take the time to enjoy a cocktail or each other's company while the world's water is boiling. Rush, rush, rush is getting you exactly nowhere.

    Pax merch? I seriously want to see a tatoo of Kris & Mikey's heads sticking out of someone's pants but, I digress. You'd probably do better to suggest several likely items and have us each cast just one vote.

    Now I have to figure out my iTunes password so I can leave a review (although I did a long time ago but I don't know where). Maybe smarter listeners would help your numbers. /speaking for myself, not slamming any of you guys/

  10. @Mank429 says:

    So the Camelot movie was quite possibly the worst movie I had ever seen, despite being a fan of the movie-musical, however, I laughed myself silly at the scene of Lancelot traveling to Camelot. You see him traveling far and wide as he slowly makes his way to the city, singing his merry heart out the entire time, all the while his poor, poor squire was riding along with him. I could only imagine a scene where the squire is pleading for Lancelot to cease his incessant singing, or else he would throw himself to his death. I found that scenario particularly funny. Perhaps it's just me though. Otherwise, terrible movie.

  11. sheanam says:

    Time to be a complete pedantic butt about Harry Potter! The reason they keep sending Harry back to the Dursleys despite knowing how bad they are is because the magic his mom performed when she died included a sort of protective spell that kept Harry safe so long as he lived with another of her blood, i.e. her sister/his aunt, through the end of his childhood. And the whole points thing sort of fading into the background…well, things were getting kind of busy and unpleasant, folks had other things on their minds. :) It's kinda symbolic that when the shit hits the fan, the big ornate containers that house the point-tracking gems for the houses get smashed to bits and spill out everywhere.

    I think stickers and patches would be a good bet for chainsawsuit merch! Various characters, the chainsawsuit cartoon avatars of Kris and Mikey, that sort of thing. And I would be all over a Tiny Turtle figurine of some sort as well. It'd be tiny so it'd be cheap to make, right? Right?

    Hannibal…Hannibal is something I absolutely can't get into. Partly my squeamish & emotional nature, partly my being fed up with the Everything Is Xtreme Detectives And Murder Always Forever state of modern TV, partly my being disgusted with the weirdly loving portrayals of screwed up serial killer types in entertainment. This show has soooo many people, quite a lot of them impressionable teens mostly of the gal variety, sighing over dreamy Hannibal and obsessing over gore and murder and why no I'm not a puritan grandma why do you ask. Gonna be That Person and link another article, too. http://www.kissmywonderwoman.com/2014/04/stop-usi

    I wanna end on a lighter less grumpy note though, so congrats again to Kris on the future Straubling!

  12. Stouffer's Derek says:

    YUUUUP!

    I’m not ashamed to admit that I watch an incredible amount of Storage Wars.

    And Tudor Farm. That I have watched. Also Victorian Farm, Edwardian Farm, Victorian Farm at Christmas, and let’s not forget War Time Farm.

    I didn’t make any of these up. And they’re all just terrible.I was anticipating that Se7en reference since the start of IMDB:PD. That is just such an amazing idea, and I would certainly love to see it again. I preferred it to Ghost Snake Murder Squad, and that’s a tough act to follow.

    Kris, in about 10 years time I’m going to find your child and play them the clip of you wondering if they dream about wetness.

  13. Stouffer's Derek says:

    Also; are hot pockets breadcrumbed pouches filled with curry or pie filling? I had those before, but they took them off the market after they realised they contained large quantities of horse meat. I miss them so much.

  14. Stouffer's Derek says:

    ALSO: Do you actually *watch* A Touch of Frost? I always thought it was a bit too old fashioned.

  15. WillieG says:

    Are you guys planning anything for PAX Prime? Because I will totes be there.

    Merch Ideas (ie things I would buy):
    – A USB of all of your commercials (I would DEFINITELY buy that)
    – A CD/USB drive of the music from the show
    – While logo’s aren’t uber popular, I’d buy like, a t-shirt or decal if it had some clever inside joke from the podcast in addition to the chainsaw suit guy.

    Fun Episode. You guys should definitely do more of the gameshows, it’s one of my favorite segments you do 😀

  16. WillieG says:

    Mikey, salt also makes the water boil hotter so your noodles will cook faster.

    Cool Facts!

    • MikeyNeumann says:

      I said it boils faster and seasons the noodles. I dropped this knowledge, sir!

      • WillieG says:

        Yeah, I was adding an additional tidbit. It boils faster, and raises the boiling temperature. So it’s boiling point is higher and it reaches that point faster. AND it seasons the noodles! Salt is magical.

  17. @markjhiggs says:

    Mikey's Storage Wars Bane/Richard Harris voice kind of reminds me of Red Mantle from The Venture Bros. (link for reference: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wVX43X8NpUg)

    I haven't laughed as hard as I did at IMDB PD since Ghost Snake Hunters.

    Great episode.

    • MikeyNeumann says:

      I really love doing those improv'd cutaways to other shows. Those are the most fun to put together and building a soundscape for

      • Giggleloop says:

        That answers the question I had yet to ask: if the "shows" are scripted out in advance at all, or all improved. I'm gobsmacked that you both can improve things like that. Mad props.

  18. frostyplum says:

    4/10 on the quiz; those reality shows were brutal. You guys are indeed murdering it right now. Looking back from the peak of episode 51, one can see the lengthy sprawl of podcast corpses. Mikey, never stop doing accents.

    Kris, I have a theory about your baby's dreams. Some déjà vu I've had comes very close to dream-like experiences; it feels like I can remember dreaming it, but can't put my finger on when. What if your kid is going through all its déjà vu in the womb? Orrrr…what if it's dreaming everything that will happen in its future life, and déjà vu is the only meager stuff it remembers?

  19. gristle says:

    look, guys, it was 12 episodes ago and I still don't get the Movie Man commercial. It's driving me crazy. Corn cob hammers crazy.

  20. zotmeister says:

    I'd never heard of chainsawsuit (uncapitalized, right?) before I attended the live episode at PAX East. I only went there because a friend was attending. (If you're asking if I'm referring to the episode or to PAX, the answer is 'both'.) However, it definitely didn't suck. Apparently, I'm listening to new ones now. Enough history lesson, on to remarks (written while I listened, natch):

    – I got 6/10 on the quiz, which given the topic kind of pains me that it's better than half.
    – I was a big fan of Gordon Ramsay before Hell's Kitchen – he appeared on an episode of a British show called Faking It. That's my excuse and I'm sticking to it.
    – I WILL SO TOTALLY TAKE YOU ON IN CONNECT 4 YOU HAVE NO IDEA WHAT YOU'RE IN FOR
    – Welcome to Hogwart's, where everything's made up and the points don't matter.
    – I do a Richard Harris as well, but it's the younger, "MacArthur Park" version.
    – I would totally watch IMDBPD. I'm in the IMDB, can I guest star? I can hold a fistful of quarters…
    – [baby punches its way out] LIQUID METAL!
    – "You not hungry for crime scene – you hungry for Hot Pockets!" "You mean Haat Paackets?" "Uh… yeah."
    – Cops talking about Kevin Spacey and no mention of The Negotiator?
    – "Winners don't use drugs" – William S. Sessions, Director, FBI, back in the arcade days

    This one also definitely didn't suck. Guess you can call me a listener now, or something. – ZM

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