Episode 42 – King For A Week


This time, 42 is the answer to NOTHING. The challenge continues as Kris and Mikey put each other up against all-new quizzes, fraught with all-new dangers!

– Witness the darkest game ever played on this podcast!
– Behold new topics submitted by you and deeply discussed by Mikey and Kris! (Submit one to krischoosesatopic@chainsawsuit.com)
– New commercials! New video! New ditty! Wait, that says “nudity.” Was there nudity??

Happy Valentine’s Day, we guess!

Part 1

Part 2

Part 3


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52 Responses to Episode 42 – King For A Week

  1. Kyle_Douglas says:

    Not cool guys. This is Chris Brown and…
    Wait, that doesn't work if I log in, does it?
    I try to make shorter comments, but there's too much good stuff to talk about! Oh well, have another comment essay:

    Biggest laughs: Shirtless sleeves | "Fan of brown, fan of murder” | “It's a conspiracy!"- "It wasn't supposed to be!" | "Oh no, it's happening again" | "Just enough room in that basket for the good stuff"

    Quizzes: I only missed “Cream Cheese Wheat Bagel & Butterfinger” and the Tongue Teasing Fizz in ITaRL, so I suppose I could have tied Kris. I won't even bother listing which CBT-o-LWoaFMs I got wrong, since my 7/11 is barely better than randomly guessing.

    K-CAT: Dougie's out and K-Doug is back in! My topic ended up feeling a bit like a "Saw it For You", so you're welcome SiFY fans! I'm really hoping Karl Urban ends up using a typewriter at some point on the show now, heh.

    K-Dubs: Just as Dougie's out the door some sort of Bizzaro-K-Doug shows up?!
    Mikey's right. I would never make the mistake of thinking he worked on Assassin's Creed.
    But, this is a good chance for me to complain about the ending to Mass Effect! I mean, what were you thinking when y—- Oh, he didn't have anything to do with that either? Hrum.

    LMcCJ: Not too sure why I was specifically called out as being “mysterious” in her topic. I've been pretty open about my life. My employment with Kim Cattrall (which also involved working at Home Depot briefly), my laser pointer addiction, my expert marksmanship, my failed Haggistador business, and my current work with the “Douglas Institute for the Chronically Long Commented” have all been brought up in comments. Not a single detail has been falsiblied.

    Speaking of the DIftCLC, at the very start of the episode Mikey mentioned being a bit annoyed/confused that despite the episodes getting better (which I definitely agree with: improved pacing, fun effects, good stuff all around!) YouTube viewership has been going down. So I put the Douglas Institute to work on the problem to get more eyeballs on Kris and Mikey on video. They've come up with two solutions.

    The first was brought up by Mikey himself near the end. It may take a bit of effort to keep your mic/camera hooked up with this bold new direction for the show, but we think it'd be worth the effort: http://i.imgur.com/T9yo0wy.png

    The second was based on our metrics for “what's hot” these days. You know, what's gettin' the bisquick on the stove? This is going to require dropping YouTube but we think the viewership increase is well worth it: http://i.imgur.com/pX2Jj5A.png

    The institute tried combining these two rating-boosting ideas, but it was so hot it caused our servers to catch fire.

    • MikeyNeumann says:

      That second piece of crazy art made my day, haha.

      Not to hijack the thread, but do you have any ideas on how to increase our viewership on Youtube for realsies? We're going to need some real grassroots help to draw in viewers. We need all your guys spreading the word if you can!

      • Kyle_Douglas says:

        For realsies? I think you might think about branching out a bit more. Keep the chainsawsuit podcast as the flagship show, but have some shorter one-off's too which can be filmed at the same time. You've done this a bit with the skits like Facetime Apocalypse and 4 Days, but I'm talking about something a bit different:

        I mentioned back in 39 that the Sherlock conversation felt too held back by the fact you avoided spoilers. If you had a separate 5-15 minute video that was titled with a more mundane YouTube-style: "Sherlock Series 3 Rant!" you'd (hopefully) be more likely to pull in random viewers and then by giving a link back to the main show at the end you might convert them to full-time viewers. Plus it lets you be spoiler-rific in an area separate from the main show (during which you can mention/link the side-talks).

        Kevin Smith sort of does the same thing with his flagship SModcast and then other shows that have more specific focuses like "Fatman on Batman"

        You also seem rather open about your personal life, so you might try drawing in your own "Chainsawtards" with some short 3-7 minute personal diary style videos every few days. If that's something that appeals to either of you.

        The only other thing I can think of is to try to do some guest interviews on other podcasts talking about your experiences in game design (for Mikey) or webcomics (for Kris) and make sure they mention/link chainsawsuit originals.

        Conversely, if you managed to get someone like Wil Weaton, Felicia Day, Jonathan Coulton, etc to Skype in for a brief chat during Segment 3 then that's almost certain to generate a Tweet on their feeds to hundreds of thousands of people that they're on the show that week.

        Just a few ideas. Unfortunately, I'm rather bad at "spreading the word" personally so I'll need to leave that to others, but hopefully my little arts and topics continue to "make your day" sometimes and keep the energy up :)

        • Stouffer's Derek says:

          I agree. I’ve been sharing these to my 15 tumblr followers (so popular!) weekly, but I think a segment JUST about Sherlock/ Thor 4: 4 Thors, etc. would really go down well. It’s much easier to watch a 5 minute video, than to be told “skip to five minutes before the end!” The podcast is only getting better, so it’s certainly not your fault.

          Haven’t listened yet, will be back when I have.

      • frostyplum says:

        I really liked the CSS "trailer" with the one cop show segment. That kind of shorter standalone stuff can go a long way to introducing people to the entire show. I like all of Kyle's suggestions…although if you went the personal diary route, you'd have to decide how closely you want your life interwoven with CSS.

        Kyle, I feel you on not being good at spreading the word. It's incredibly frustrating; I just want to sock my Twitter followers in the face and say "WATCH THIS IT'S HILARIOUS" but they don't seem to appreciate my good taste.

    • Qmzn says:

      Detailed analysis, suggestions for improvement, and supplementary image content? You're a clear frontrunner for commenter MVP.

      I am strongly considering just replying to your posts every week with "this" or "he gets it" or "see OP for answer" or "OUR LEADER BEARS THE SINGLE TRUTH, ALL SHALL KNEEL BEFORE HIS MIGHTY TEXT WALL, LEST THE WEIGHT OF OUR BOOTS CRUSH THE AIR FROM THEIR FEEBLE LUNGS." Laziness and apathy, kickin' in.

  2. @giggleloop says:

    I don't know why the YouTube numbers are going down. YouTube must not be counting my repeat viewings… I have a microscopic sphere of influence, but I'll keep trying to bring people in!

    So many great topics, I need to step up my game to compete! Glad that K-Doug emerged victorious.

    The ads just about killed me dead this week. Happy Valentines Day, boys. :)

    • MikeyNeumann says:

      Yeah, I felt REALLY good about the ads this week. I sent Kris both a text and an email that were like, "I think I put out one of, if not the best ad I've ever done." So, of course, Kris stepped up to the plate and killed it with his ad as well. Heh.

      This was a fun week!

      • ThomasG says:

        good show, fantastic ads. the title of the first quiz alone killed me. and i agree, mikey. i think it's the best ad you've made.

        long-form conversational stuff's going to have a tough time getting massive attention on youtube, right? if you want the hits, put a hot lady up there. it'll work. i mean, we haven't seen tiny turtle up-close, right? who knows if there's some brassiere hanging out under there or something. also, maybe make it short. and make there be a shrieking or loud person. i'm available for additional consultation at quite modest rates.

  3. Stouffer's Derek says:

    This podcast just gets better and better. This has been a really great week for me. Very self-affirming. I knew, I *knew* if I hung awkwardly around the party I wasn’t invited to long enough, I’d get noticed! And look at me now! People talk in hushed whispers about me and shoot me angry looks from across the room. The Dick Chooser was quite possibly the best thing I’ve ever heard, and the graphics in Kris’ ad were the best I’ve seen. Well done, guys.

    You’re pretty great.

    And I’m looking forward to hearing your sonnets.

    Things are finally coming up Milhouse!

    Uh… I mean, DEREKhouse.

    *sweats anxiously*

  4. Stouffer's Derek says:

    ALRIGHT, listen. I know I’ve already gushed in the comments twice, but THIS. ‘CAST, MAN. This podcast is quite possibly, the best thing on the internet. Better than Grumpy Cat and the meaningful tirades of Chris Brown. The BEST. THING.

  5. Qmzn says:

    42 was a good little podcast. Who's a good little podcast? You are. You are. Good flow, good commercials, decent K-CAT. The K. Douglas Adams has the minutiae covered pretty well. Always bring a towel.

    If I had any concerns, it would be that the quiz segments, while funny, eat up a lot of time, and leading with one isn't ringing my bell. My podcast kickoff preference is friendly small talk about significant events experienced during the week prior. Voyeuristic, perhaps, but it doesn't have to dig into personal lives. Things like, "I drew," or "I wrote", or "I ate two sandwiches," or "I slept a lot," work for me. The quiz jumps right into the deep end, and I favor a shallower start.

    I'd say YouTube viewership is down from a general lack of exposure. However, if there's a market out there, I'm unfortunately not a part. Brutal honesty here, I like you guys, I like your smiley faces, but the video is rarely engaging enough to keep my eyes from wandering. Perhaps I just have a short attention span, but I'm going audio-only from now on, then scrubbing the video for the highlights.

    On the lighter side, it seems someone may be dumpster diving for commenter tax returns. Here's everything you need to know, Jeffster. I have no friends, a lot of free time, and a walk-in closet for my skeletons. You might not like what you find. Fair warning. However, if you dig up K-Doug's secrets, I'd be interested. There's rumors he's the rich son of a toothpaste magnate, living in island luxury on trust fund money. I'd blackmail that.

    Then there's the issue of all this photoshopping and fan art, and talk of a DeviantArt page. I'm going right for the jugular: fan art is the last act of a desperate individual who lacks ideas of their own, and there's a reason why the word "Deviant" is in the title of that site. You keep encouraging that kind of support, and sooner or later you'll end up with crap like this floating around the internet. Stop promoting such nonsense, you'll thank me later.

    • Stouffer's Derek says:

      Oh, Qmzn. So naiive. I know exactly who you are. You’re the snobby uncle who used to breed lurchers and now runs scams out of his girlfriend’s apartment. Also, you’re so right. Ugh. Fanart. Hate it. By the way, where did you find that little morsel? Something tells me, you didn’t just “happen across” it. Something tells me you’re hiding something. Now is the time. Now is the time to tell us all. Now is the time to rip open the door of that closet, to pull out that *particular* skeleton, and tell us, tell us ALL how he died.

      You say you have nothing to hide. If that’s true, you have nothing to fear.

      If not, well, let’s just say that you’re in for one hell of a ride.

      • Qmzn says:

        *I* killed that guy, and put him in the closet. Clubbed him with an electric iron. There's still PLENTY of room in there, too. More than enough for the mangled corpse of a nosy Stouffer goon. Wink, wink, nudge, nudge, stab, bludgeon.

        And as far as that disgusting fanart, I didn't find it. I designed an advanced artificial intelligence algorithm to become to perfect DeviantArtist. It's a work in progress, but it's already pretty good at the kind of mediocre rendering of anatomy DA is known far. The next milestone is to teach it how to plagiarize commercial works and sell them on T-shirts at conventions.

        • Stouffer's Derek says:

          I have to say, I’m a little shocked right now, and a little fearful for my own life. I’m going to back away slowly now, mumbling apologies, but you can expect me to be back tomorrow, full of bravado and Dutch courage, because you scared my lady friend, and ain’t NO ONE scares ol’ Derek’s lady friend!

          • Qmzn says:

            "I knew those extra attribute points placed in 'Internet Charisma' would pay off!"

            These were the last recorded words of Chainsawsuit commenter Qmzn, shortly before he was mauled by a bear ridden by a mysterious, drunken warrior.

            Some historians, however, believe Qmzn's last words were actually, "NO NO HELP NO HELP A BEAR IS EATING MY FACE".

          • Stouffer's Derek says:

            It was ironic, really, because Qmzn’s half-eaten skeleton ended up in a closet of its own.

    • MikeyNeumann says:

      As always, thanks for the honesty. Not sure how much of it represents a larger whole, though, you know? Some of the stuff you don't seem to like as much is the stuff that a large group of people seem to react to (videos, sharable quiz segments, etc.)

      Shame about skipping the video, man. I'm not sure there's any way to make them more engaging in the weekly timeframe. They take quite a bit of time as it is, but no hard feelings on my end. As long as we get to see your sparkling personality in the comments each week, it doesn't really matter how you experience the show. :)

      • Qmzn says:

        "Not sure how much of it represents a larger whole, though, you know?"

        It absolutely doesn't. Not at all. There is a massive body of evidence to support this. Name a commercially or critically successful project, and there's a good chance I didn't like it. There's a few key ones in particular that have led friends (and ex-friends) to brand me a popularity-hating cynic. I tried lying to myself for a while, focusing on the positives and following the group think, but mendacity rots one from the inside. Luckily, I found out that if you disappoint people enough, they just stop asking for your opinion. There's a strange peace in that.

        With such a skewed preference, I've actually suggested that others listen to my feedback, then do the opposite. With your work experience, I'm sure you've become practiced in identifying a statistical outlier, although sometimes I think you should be worried I enjoy the podcast at all.

        I'll still let the video run on my PC and upvote, and I'll even click on the ads, especially when you finally hit that viewership boom. You deserve them CPMs.

        • Stouffer's Derek says:

          I kind of understand where you’re coming from. Even though I love (and I’ve already made it clear that I LOVE) the direction the show is taking, I’ve been listening back to some old episodes, and I kind of miss the long and rambling conversations. The new version is fresh, quick, energetic, the list goes on, but those old episodes are like overhearing a conversation in a waiting room, and sitting there with the magazine still in your lap, but not reading it because you’ve become so enthralled in eavesdropping on a strangers private conversation. Maybe that’s not what you meant at all.

          I’ll be going now.

          • Qmzn says:

            It's part of what I meant, actually. You're on a similar wavelength.

            I'm ambivalent about some of the changes to the podcast. When I first started listening, I never thought I'd enjoy eavesdropping on a good friendship in action as much as I did. The free-flowing discussions can definitely strike gold, but unfortunately, they don't work very well in the video format.

            I've often wondering what it would be like to split the podcast into 30-60 minutes of unedited discussion, and 45 of edited skits/K-CAT/quiz. Now, with so many directions the format can go, I feel they fight for space in the hour-fifteen or so.

            Sometimes it makes me sad, though… "Saw It For You" being gone. I have to remind myself some segments aren't meant to be caged. Their feathers are just too bright. I guess I just miss my fake movie discussion. ZIHUATANEJO. (Is the reference obvious enough, yet?)

            It's Kris and Mikey's barbecue, though, and to achieve that widespread success, a metered, consistent podcast with recurring fan-favorite segments is a tested, reliable way to go. If it ain't broke…

    • Kyle_Douglas says:

      Comments like this are always a trial. I mean, I'd already upvoted you as early as the K. Douglas Adams quip, then I wanted to give another for sharing my concerns the quizzes may grow stale if they're used too often since they are fairly long time-wise (maybe further reduce the question count from 11 to 5? Probably get a lot of ties then though), and finally I wanted to upvote it to the max for the art that somehow managed to out-weird my Putin/Mikey (Mitten? Pukey?) piece this week. Even more bonuses points for the sparkles and phaser.

      So, my only regret is that I have but one upvote to give for my fellow Chainsawsuit Crusaders.

      • Qmzn says:

        Vladimike Peutmann. Try it with a crappy Russian accent.

        I would like "Chainsawsuit Crusaders", but it has the same number of syllables as another group of… Crusaders… egh… I heard of. Had something to do with how middle-aged Men Like Products designed for young girls. I try not to pay attention to it, no matter how many times YouTube recommends another mediocre fan creation. Click one link out of curiosity, suffer a lifetime of bad recommendations, I swear. Last, regarding bonuses points:

        "Thanks for noticing me." – Eeyore

  6. Sarah Kelly says:

    Hey, it's Sarah Kelly! Long time listener, shorter time watcher, first time commenter!
    I'll be waiting on those sonnets, guys.
    And, just to clarify, I have never, nor will I foreseeably ever again have commented.

  7. LMcCJ says:

    I did terribly in quizzes this week: Brown/Murderer 6; Lunchables 4. I'm a little proud of myself, though.

    Nick–we know you!
    Kyle–you're the one I think is watching from Attica!
    I just think Mikey and Kris could have given us more interesting back stories. It was a great question and in light of Kris's dismissal of it, Mikey, Stouffer's Derek and I might have to ramp up our "encounters". Not to imply we're plotting any kind of take-over or ouster or anything…

    I don't even know where to start with the commericals. Fantastic! Kris and Mikey vinyl wall decals…that could be interesting….

    Growing the YouTube audience–I don't know. It's too bad you guys don't know anyone with Marketing experience. Really too bad….

    From my background, it's all about the tags. You have to tag each segment of these videos with the brand names, celebrities and shows that you talk about. When someone is eagerly anticipating the release of Thor 2 (or is 3 next…?), they'll watch anything, so a YouTube search for "Thor" that turns up "Thor 4" is a win! They might watch once and leave but, we know that won't happen. Also, when you promote the 'cast on Twitter don't talk about the heat, tag specifics.

    While you can invite big-time YouTubers to be guests, you should also offer to guest on other channels. They'll throw the chainsawsuit link in the doobly-doo and you'll be set that way too. Think YouTube not podcast, two different groups of people.

    Go to VidCon! Go to PlayList Live! (Really, do this one, I'll be there in Nov.)

    I think Nick is mistaken, FanArt is for fans, like an inside joke. I like it (particularly Nick's). Maybe collect them on tumblr 'cause I don't have a deviant art account.

    • MikeyNeumann says:

      Funny you mention the other channels. I recently did some acting in an extremely popular youtube cartoon series and I think there's a link back to the CSS channel at the end of the video.

      Might be a while before it comes out, though…

    • Qmzn says:

      "We know you?" DO you, now? I could be a shared hallucination brought on by a glitch in the fabric of space-time, or an account shared by members of an extra-terrestrial marketing firm, looking to bring hairless monkey entertainment to the rest of the galaxy on a budget!

      Maybe I'm a robot from another planet! Transform and roll out! choo-wing-ack-ka-chunk-clank

      • LMcCJ says:

        I knew you would say that. 😉

        I should have said you're "knowable." Outside the cozy warmth of the chainsawsuit you have a presence. Kyle, though, he flies under the radar. It's like he has PRIVACY. Who does that? Hence, he must be in prison. He writes well and has wit, perhaps a blck-listed writer from the McCarthy era left to rot in Sing-Sing? All the pieces fit. Now, we just have to break him.

  8. frostyplum says:

    Another solid 'cast. Great editing touches; awesome kinetic typography. The commercials were a little…distracting for a red-blooded, mostly hetero female like myself. "Lilac python" was particularly inspired. Guys, you really don't want to test how far we'll go on that second commercial. Plans can be made; money can be pooled.

    Tidbits: I like the idea of the entire police car being a tank for the fish, but I like the idea of carrying around a police officer in a little water-filled baggy even better. As much as I like the quizzes, and appreciate you guys challenging each other, I'm kinda with Qmzn. They do take up a lot of time, and aren't…forced, exactly, but they could get old really quick. I don't want the podcast to turn into nothing but quizzes. I'm a little miffed that you threw in a fake topic when there was a perfectly viable topic just sitting there *coff*. But like giggleloop said, I guess I gotta step up my game. Or, this was just an elaborate setup for Mikey to hear about Kris peeing his pants. I'll leave that one alone.

    I'm fascinated by the concept of the death row last meal. I've read that even if a future French fry requests an unbelievably specific meal from a certain restaurant, like Gino's East deep dish pizza (quite possibly my choice), that instead of sending out for whatever the killer wants, the cook just makes whatever on-site. So it probably ends up not tasting that different from regular prison food. My fantasy is that the cook just cannot _wait_ for people to get put down, so he can finally put all of his culinary genius on display.

    Quite frankly, I don't understand why you'd need more commenters than we happy few. We're simply the best. Better than all the rest! Better than anyone…anyone in Chicagoland. (Sorry, kiped that from a local used car dealership commercial that, in turn, kiped that song.) Seriously, both the podcast and the comic have the best commenters I've ever seen. Not that I want this to be an impenetrable clique! That doesn't do anyone any good. Join us, chainsawsuit lovers, fans, friends! I don't know…funnily, for me it's harder to get people interested in something I've got a vested interest in, instead of something I just think is kind of neat. I get a little evangelical. Or I would, if I wasn't constantly afraid of chasing off potential viewers.

    • Qmzn says:

      Yeah, that commercial went bolder and saucier than I thought it would. Definitely one of my favorites. I think it's one that would really benefit from being animated, since it's ambiguous enough to let the artist add layers of unexpected visual humor.

  9. Ford Dent says:

    I don't know why, but for whatever reason the soundtrack during the quizzes killed me, especially the Lunchables quiz. Great soundtrackin' skills. It's the little things.

    I have no idea why your YouTube viewership is going down–it rapidly became my preferred method of consuming the podcast (I put it up next to whatever spreadsheet/document I have open at work, because I am a POWERHOUSE OF PRODUCTIVITY).


  10. thehess2 says:

    Wait…podcast #42 + "King for a Day" == Mark King, from the band Level 42? 80's soft-rock reference, or unfortunate coincidence? I must know.

    – The Hess (backed BroodHollow; missing Blams)

  11. Liz says:

    So, I accidentally came across the whole "Shaytard" youtube thing and was a little weirded out. I, however, thought Shaytard was the last name of the family. Now that Mikey has revealed the truth I'm just so angry and disgusted I don't know what to do with myself.

    Otherwise, another great episode. Really loving the new quiz segments.

  12. LMcCJ says:

    If you watch the episodes here at css.com you can't easily subscribe. You have to click over to YouTube, login, pull up css original, then hit subscribe. That's quite a hurdle, even for dedicated fans. You could force that for a week or two. Just include the link here, no Comments, throw it all to YouTube.

    There's also a way to put the subscribe link right in the screen. I have no idea how or how much work that is.

  13. @giggleloop says:

    I talked my coworker into checking out the podcast today! She noticed my Night Vale wallpaper & I asked her what she listens to. Turns out, only Night Vale so far! But she's into webcomics, so I gave her the hard sell. I think she took the bait.

    (I also mentioned the video podcasts, and threw in an aside about the attractiveness of its hosts, because yep… Right, ladies?!)

    • LMcCJ says:

      The JoCo Cruise should result in a fair amount of skin shots. In the meantime we could use International Male bodies PhotoShopped with css screen shots to create interim allure for the lowest common denominator. It's either that or giraffe sex.

  14. sheanam says:

    I just don't get the ongoing mass obsession with deformed cats over the past few years. I mean, they're sweeties and I'm glad they're well-cared for and loved and all, but there's just something about the whole thing that rubs me wrong. Like a repackaged freak show for the modern era.

    And the awful truth comes out….I'm pretty much solidly an audio-only listener to the show, with only very rare glimpses at the video version. The big reason being that I specifically listen to the 'saw on my iPod at the office to help fill my workday! And even at home I really enjoy just listening to podcasts in a traditional radio broadcast style, taking in the chatter and various thoughts while doing other things. When it comes to the video, my terrible attention span has a really hard time multitasking, and sparing said attention for a show that's *mostly* two dudes talking at their desks. For me, the perfect situation would be a traditional audio-based podcast, with separate, shorter videos for other discussions and ideas and skits on the side.

  15. ltkessler says:

    I'm a dad!

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