Episode 40 – Nobody Shall Sleep


Pour a 40 oz. into a Thirsty-Two Ounce Big Gulp from am/pm for our most fortieth podcast ever! This week has something for everyone:

  • Opera!
  • Childhood!
  • Family!
  • Acting!
  • Kris choosing a topic! (Submit yours to krischoosesatopic@chainsawsuit.com!)
  • Hot browns!
  • Call waiting!
  • Commercials galore!
  • Chili!
  • The Ending! Not the ending of the podcast but Mikey’s ongoing novel you can read online.

We made it this far and you’re the best listeners — and watchers. The video edition of the podcast steps up its game with a lot of extra goodies, so be sure to check it out if you’re not driving!

And we appreciate every link, retweet, comment, e-mail and review we get. THANK YOU!

Part 1: A Surprise from Mikey

Part 2: Kris Chooses a Lovecraft

Part 3: Business Friends

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40 Responses to Episode 40 – Nobody Shall Sleep

  1. @giggleloop says:

    We <3 you Kyle Douglas, better luck next week.

    Seriously, this episode is amazing so far (watching now). So much music! I love you guys.

  2. Kyle_Douglas says:

    Ouch, an arrow through my heart. I was already anticipating not having my topic this week chosen since Mikey mentioned it in the Episode 39 comments, but I wasn't even accepted?
    It's alright, I get it. There's not room for Kyle Douglas and Dougie from Business Friends. It's too much Doug.
    I guess it's time for Ol' K-Doug to be put out to pasture at /r/TheBigFarmWhereYourChildhoodDogTotallyIs, where all the other has-been commentors get to run and play and upvote to their heart's content.

    Alternatively: Welp, Kris and Mikey sang about me. Only one option now.

    Other Thoughts:
    I recall Qmzn recommending keeping an empty video frame whenever someone had to get some chili or such. Turning off the frame entirely worked even better I'd say.

    We actually did call zombie movies Romer-ian before Daikatana came out and ruined Romeros across the board. True story.

    I had to Google "Carphone Warehouse" to verify whether it was a "true story" or an actually true story, since it sounded like a chainsawsuit commercial parody setup.

    Speaking of, the directly correlated commercials was also something I think worked well.

    I'm proud to announce that in addition to Now That's What I Call Music Kris Likes, Volume 40 you can also pick up a copy of The Chainsawsuit Podcast Soundtrack, Volume 40 from iTunes. You'll get all your favorites:
    1. Nessun Dorma (2:54)
    2. Nessun Dorma Kris Version (0:03)
    3. Kentucky Hot Brown Kris Jingle (0:05)
    4. Kentucky Hot Brown Mikey Jingle (0:09)
    5. Kyle, Get Off My Dick (0:30)
    Bonus Track 1: Kyle, Scendere I Miei Genitali (0:30)
    Bonus Track 2: Electronic Treason Confessions, Club Remix (3:52)

    Here's the breakdown of where your generous purchase goes:
    35% to Business Friends' Legal Advisement and Forensics
    30% to Apple
    15% to Kim Cattrall's Cougar Foundation (she assures me this goes to non-metaphorical cougars).
    10% to Money Transfer Fees
    5% to The Douglas Research Facility for the Chronically Long-Commented
    5% to Plácido Domingo
    CANNOT-DIVIDE-BY-ZERO-ERROR-33122222221 To Kris and Mikey

    We asked for Mikey's opinion on this totally-fair modern day digital business arrangement: http://i.imgur.com/cUJ7LTw.png

    • Qmzn says:

      "There is no escape. Don't make me put you on hold again. You do not yet realize the importance of the Chainsawsuit brand. Join Business Friends. With our combined strength, we can put the entire internet on hold, and force them to listen to an endless stream of advertisements."

      "I'll never join you!"

      "If you only knew the power of strategic marketing arrangements. Tiny Turtle never told you what happened to your satellite radio licensing deal."

      "He told me enough! He told me YOU tore it up."

      "No. *I* gave the deal to Comedy Dawggz.

      "No. No. That's not true. That's IMPOSSIBLE!"

      "Search your feelings, you KNOW it to be true!"


    • MikeyNeumann says:

      From what little I've learned of Italian, Bonus Track 1 translates to:

      "Kyle, remove yourself from my genitals."

      You, sir, are most clever.

      (Disclaimer: I almost never cut anything out of podcasts; it's incredibly rare and for good reasons.) I almost cut the Kyle, get off my dick song out. I'm always so scared that stuff like that will be construed as offensive. The only thing that kept it in was my belief that you would totally be both, in on, and down with the joke there.

      You guys are such a big part of the podcast now. It's incredibly rewarding to have such a dedicated fan base. If even to call us out when we don't deliver to our best. There is quite a lot that I still like about 39, but I understand trepidation about it's retreading of familiar ground. Next to 40, it's obviously less magnificent.

  3. Qmzn says:

    Hot bubbly Kentucky hot brown damn. You really did it. Thank you for:

    – Laughs. I knew from the setup that Mikey would be channeling truth-based comedy after his banking fiasco, but Kris killed it with the Business Friends ads. Solid commercials and banter throughout primed me to completely lose it at dicktornado.com, and I did. Real, honest laughing out loud.

    – Giving me the illusion that my Advanced Screenwriting classes (and the associated crippling student loan debt) were not another complete waste of time in a string of complete wastes of time. I will cling to this miniscule validation like a light of Eärendil, as it pushes back a dark void of crippling depression. Yeah, I could have fattened the text–after all, I'm not known for comment brevity–but stripping it down to the bones was, as guessed, about creating a blank slate for the real creative talent. The result was, however, like nothing I could have imagined. I may never submit a K-CAT again, like that guy that doesn't wash his hands after touching a rock star, or the old man that wistfully lives in the fog of his past accomplishments.

    – Flying in the face of the "commenter whine in thirty-nine". Mikey, you say you can't bring even a fraction of the energy of episode 19 into the weeklies, and I respectfully say you're full of crap, because episode 40 proves that wrong. The segment flow was riveting, like water flowing between cups, with no fear of letting a good conversation tangent run its course. Way to kick ass.

    Final thought. The sudden infusion of opera is bringing some serious culture to the show. If Comedy Dawggz is the bastion of the imbecile, then perhaps, in a not-too-distant future, this podcast will become Comedy Snobs?

    Comedy Snah-OOOOBS!

    • MikeyNeumann says:

      It wasn't easy, but I'll accept that we made last week look really bad with this weeks effort.

      I'll be dead honest. Last week was a wake up call. I knew we had to bring the heat this week to prove that we can keep this whole thing fresh — not just retreading old ground.

      We agreed to surprise each other, and I can't imagine the results being any more far apart.

      You'll note that I _also_ lost it at dicktornado.com because I had no idea what I was getting into when that segment started. That kept everything fresh and lively — we planned to surprise ourselves. I was just trying to keep from falling out of my chair during part 3.

      I feel invigorated.

    • Stouffer's Derek says:

      Comedy Snah-OOBS


    • Ford Dent says:

      The on hold ads were absolute gold. I too completely lost it (and earned a strange look from a co-worker) at dicktornado.com. You brought the HEAT this week, or the FIRE, or uh… what are we calling it?

      You brought the flaky goodness of a Kentucky Hot Brown this week.

  4. @giggleloop says:

    What a positively resplendent episode, effulgent even. I have no words that can accurately convey the depths of my feelings.

    Also, Kris's clapping reminded me of this: http://m.imgur.com/uvFkpkz?tags

  5. Stouffer's Derek says:

    Lovely, lovely episode. I think we should hear from Dougy more often, to be honest. I got chills when you brought up the Wendy’s MeatMonster, though. Positively Lovecraftian, isn’t she?

    Aptly named, I think, since I stayed up ’till after one last night waiting. (After I officially announced my resignation on twitter, I decided to hold on for you guys)

    Really thought there was an awesome twist coming there, a Catrallian twist. But, you know what?

    I’m glad she’s gone.

    You deserve better. You deserve a Brit with pronounced cheekbones and a tendency to stalk.

    I will be needing Put ‘Em Up Now as a single at some stage however. It’s a cash cow worth milking, guys.

  6. Stouffer's Derek says:

    Also; loving the new layout of this page! The face beside “COMIC” has *shading* now.

  7. zwolfpunkt says:

    Chainsawsuit presents: The Wire, featuring Mikey Neumann as Jimmy McNulty and Kris Straub as Blind Butchie.

  8. @giggleloop says:

    Mikey's head super-imposed over Placido Domingo, as suggested by Kris: http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v355/beckyscrap

  9. Stouffer's Derek says:

    A little Episode 40 fan art. http://imgur.com/d1gfX9k

  10. @jack_fenner says:

    Great episode guys. Kris, I was genuinely curious curious about your Lovecraft preference, since it can be seen most especially in Broodhollow, along with your other works. Do you favor the stories more in the line with Shadow over Innsmouth? Broodhollow seems to share the same kind of gradual unsettling horror than something like any of the Cthulhu mythos.

    • @giggleloop says:

      I swear Kris used to have a video on YouTube about Lovecraft, talking about his works, but I can't find it anymore, he may have deleted it. It was an older one.

      • frostyplum says:

        You're not going crazy; I remember that one, too. Gist of the video: Lovecraft mythos is overrated, too many people "claim" it without knowing all it entails.

        My surprise moment was when Kris said Lovecraft is a good writer, and I was like "…Really?" He has enjoyable styles, certainly, but calling him a good writer might be a stretch.

  11. ChrisW says:

    Ahahaha wow, you guys got way more leverage out of that topic than I expected. Gotta make me one of those sandwiches now to celebrate.

  12. @Teangeolai says:

    I think this was your best episode yet. Awesome commercials and the third segment was hilarious!

  13. LMcCJ says:

    Last line. Best line.

  14. TV's Brent says:

    Some writers reach a point where you can’t separate their political views from their work. Terry Goodkind became intolerable by the time he was writing chapters-long screeds about libertarianism and I had to bail out on the series.

    It’s like reading Glenn Beck with a very occasional sword fight.

  15. ThomasG says:

    I quite enjoyed this episode. I wish y'all would name everything. From obscure websites to big mechs that fight giant monsters, chainsawsuit.com names are tops and make me laugh my ass off.

    It was interesting to see where the "gross aliens" topic went. I assumed that all would share my presumption that some minority of people would be OK with or even really into whatever gross stuff aliens would offer, so kris' vision of complete incompatibility was a surprise. I figured it would be a question of whether dispassionate folk (Ben Stein types) or weird fetishists (people really into kris' dick-headed aliens, for instance) would dominate our discourse with aliens, and i wondered what kind of weird future would ensue (would the ambassadors be mega-prosperous from dealing with the aliens, greatly multiply, and then wage a strange earth-war against the former "normals" who couldn't help but laugh at the dickheads?)

    Mikey, I bought into the Star Trek-style rubberheaded alien idea for quite some time until i read about slime molds and their reproductive cycle and my mental molds started breaking. How could we relate to a "starfish alien" that doesn't have anything even close to our lifecycle or definition of an individual? what if they didn't understand what it meant to kill, or what if they thought us monsters for allowing some of our cells to die and slough off of our bodies every day? and what if they liked the smell of our farts? how weird would it be to have them sneaking up under everyone's seat, hoping to take a whiff? What does it say about me that I have asked this? Oh dear

    Perhaps the unmentioned reason most aliens in our sci-fi are so humanoid (besides it being hard to write interesting plots with completely strange characters) is that a writer basically broadcasts that he or she is a complete weirdo when they write about the implications of the truly odd.

    phew. well. i finally got my wall of text up. i feel quite accomplished. Thanks for the great podcast, guys.

  16. LMcCJ says:

    The answer to the $64,000 question is, Mikey woke up one morning, reached across the bed and whispered, "Babe, what's Kris's favorite aria?" The Senior Mrs. Straub purred, "Nessun Dorma, darling."

    What? It's an open-secret. Wait…it isn't? Kris doesn't know? CALLED! Mikey woke up, CALLED The Senior Mrs. Straub and asked. What a thoughtful thing to do for one of your best friends. Moving on.

    A special css award to Chris Welch for providing such a fruitful seed.

    Loved that Mikey wrote that very long number on his arm and still got it wrong. Imagine if Dougie had asked him to fax it!

    My daughter's birthday is 4/13/02. Nearly 20 years apart.

    You were hitting on all 6's this week Pcastmen and as a bonus you have an audition reel for your future careers as Spokespersons. Well done.

  17. sheanam says:

    Fun fact, Joel Hodgson once caught Gallagher rifling through his box of props backstage, looking for ideas.

    It was interesting to listen to this episode, and then put on some older ones to kill time at work, and listen to y'all talk excitedly about Sherlock and stuff. I feel like I accidentally ruined everything Moffat-related for you guys forever, heh. Sorry about that!

    Speaking of whether or not to separate an artist from their work….Lovecraft, phew. I could never quite get into his stuff, even putting all the horrifying racism aside. I tried very hard to read a lot and get into it, but the man was more about ideas than execution, and other people have done far better taking his idea and running with it. I just always found myself kind of bored for most of the stories, with nothing much happening outside of droning explanation, with a sudden BUT THEN twist in the last page or two. Basically what I'm saying is that Lovecraft was the M. Night Shyamalan of his day.

  18. Willie says:

    OK I really Mikey Sees this, I think I found the actual real life Comedy Dawgzzz. Peruse thus site at your own risk. It’s like 9gag and Buzzfeed had a sexist brotard baby and it made a podcast.

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