Episode 38 – The Other Side


Kris and Mikey have broken the Episode 37 Curse, and with that triumph comes a boatload of responsibilities.

  • More of your topics enter the deathmatch of Kris Chooses a Topic, and you sent us some really good ones this week, including some serious ones that almost throw us for a loop. You can always send your topic ideas to krischoosesatopic@chainsawsuit.com!
  • Kris is excited to join a secret podcast society… a secret society that contains almost every other podcaster ever.
  • More commercials! Hope they pay someday. We invoiced everyone net 3000.

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Part 2:

Part 3:

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65 Responses to Episode 38 – The Other Side

  1. 469MA says:

    It's "Gaym'n" not "Guy-man."

    Yeah, that's right. I'm totally being that guy… Sorry.

    Sweet ep though!

  2. Kyle_Douglas says:

    "I had a really fun topic on deck and you guys… alright, okay."
    – Kris Straub's Kyle "Top #1 Member" Douglas

    Nah, but seriously, I'm highly appreciative of Kris going out target shooting with me. It was a lot of fun.
    I was less appreciative of Mikey failing to capture the essence of my (obviously brilliant) dial-up modem onomatopoeia. It should have sounded like this.

    It's alright though, I'm quite certain Mikey understood the depth of his semi-automatic failure by segment three. And, on the bright side, the visual distortion effect on the topic was pretty nifty.

    Moving along to less self-indulgent topics: I don't really know why Kris was covering up for other webcomic artists' hiatuses. We all know Dave Kellett has an intermittent schedule for Drive because it's all based on his true stories as an intergalactic peacekeeper. It's pretty much an open secret by now.

    Taco Lab's commercial gave me flashbacks to an episode of Mappy from a couple weeks ago, since it used the same action theme as when Kris' Dig-Dug character was making a tunnel. Not really a problem, since it was a fun scene to flash back to, heh.

    Crossfade's "I did the opening credits in word art." is probably my favorite quote of the week.

    I'm a big fan of doing the higher energy endings. I think the show might also benefit from always opening with "Hey everybody, welcome to the chainsawsuit podcast!", "It's episode ###, (comedic intro variant)!" and then cutting to the song rather than doing a cold open to it. Just to make new viewers less immediately thrown into the deep end.

    While we're on the suggestion bandwagon, here's my thought on putting the older podcasts on YouTube:
    Have Kris draw a little caricature of you both in a way that represents the "meat" of each episode, then just lay its audio on top of that (e.g. The Episode with 4Thors would have you dressed up as Thor and Loki, Hunter Green Cadillac would have you sitting in one, etc.) This seperates their thumbnails visually when uploaded to YouTube and wouldn't take very much effort, I'd think. I'd also probably put a note in the corner of each image or a YouTube annotation that specifically notes "We didn't start recording video until Episode 33"

    Which gives a nice segue into my final note in this comment behemoth. I saw Mikey mention on his Twitter feed earlier this week that he was "mad excited" for fanart of the podcast, so I whipped this together. Our resident podcastsmen getting their Jedi on: http://i.imgur.com/1bBTGEa.jpg

    Kris is wearing "The Angstrom" from the Broodhollow Winter Catalog.
    Mikey is wearing a vintage 2002 coat that's kind of a brownish color (Na' wa'm referring to?)
    The Lightsawbers were obtained as prizes from the "Stouff' You Up" promotion for 5,000 french bread pizza proof of purchases each.

    • LMcCJ says:

      I *love* the fan art! Gosh I wish this were one of my talents.

    • Qmzn says:

      Maybe everyone should get in on the "mad excitement". MS your paint, and all that. I'm no Picassangelo, but if everyone else is doing it, I'll lemming it up.

      I wanted to post my sweet wall of clever text today as well (actually, mine's just pseudo-clever), but once again, I did something too long, or too hot for TV, and can't figure out how to slip it past the admin auto-block. 😛

      • LMcCJ says:

        Put it in a blog post and just put the link here? Break it up into, oh, I don't know, 3 posts? The Podcastmen keep the Commenters on a pretty short leash.

      • MikeyNeumann says:

        Yeah, you could always post it in parts. Just leave the latter section in the replies to yourself…

        • Qmzn says:

          Or, throw words at the electric fence until finding the one that triggers the spam filter.

          The word is… *drum roll*… the first word in the title of Ian Fleming's first James Bond novel. I guess it's detected as spam for online gambling sites.

          No discussion about the Royale. Ever.

          • MikeyNeumann says:

            We shall codify it from here on out! Henceforth, when entering discussions of Daniel Craig's first James Bond outing, it will be known as:

            "Cats See No Roy Al."

            Poor, Roy Al. All his life, cats have been unable to see him. A blessing and a curse.

          • Qmzn says:

            Good hook. I'll Shia that idea, and make my first billion. Boom, art.

    • MikeyNeumann says:

      Yes! More fan art! I should start editing stuff like this into the videos.

      Glad you noticed that I did a fun treatment on the video of your question; figured you'd enjoy that. Also weaving you into the actual narrative while talking about not weaving you into the narrative, I thought, was a nice touch :)

      • Kyle_Douglas says:

        Wait, hold up, narrative?

        Are you saying I should be concerned that Tom Hiddleston keeps leaving a number of pop-tarts in my mailbox every Saturday morning that directly corresponds to how many upvotes my commments got the previous week?

        Huh. Good to know.

      • LMcCJ says:

        Use a fan art montage for the audio only 'casts. *Or* do a slow motion montage of you and Kris on the boat frolicking. Any ports of call? Running on a beach? Sipping fruity drinks? Something right out of Love Story, except without the chick and the death.

  3. @giggleloop says:

    My humble submission for a Thirty Seveners Club logo. Could be used for their Green Lantern rings. :)

  4. Jeff says:


  5. @giggleloop says:

    The 2nd podcast will be hosted by Chris Hardwick, and will be called Talking 'Suit (Chainsawsuit).

  6. Qmzn says:

    I'm back, battered, but alive. If you'd like to read how that happened, check below in the replies. I was kidnapped, almost died, and got rescued by some kind of immortal celebrity demi-god, but it's not that important.

    Episode 38 was pleasant, very… pleasant. Oops, perhaps I'm a bit low on steam, after my captivity. Maybe I need a Steam Machine? Topical! I'm sure K-DUG's got me covered. He's got us all covered. At gunpoint.

    I've cruised. We NPCs take vanilla no-JoCo RC cruises, then spend the savings on single-player videogames. Islands of rock crave not the social muchness.

    Pertaining to processes of porting past podcasts to picture shows, I suggest Mikey cram the very best backstory into an hour-thirty, mate with graphics/text, simmer on the back burner until refined, and please, dress up as Alistair Cooke and unify it with a Masterpiece Theatre theme.

    My star fades, and I depart. Chainsawsuit Hate Consortium, please take the word cloud below, vocode it, and shove it up your collective asses. Carrier and modulator, all up in your bum. Jerks.

    junk bornies and don't it feel good cruise snobs Tick big spoon Arthur little spoon Gaimans before Straubs cold cold polar heart Gizmonic Institute Kickstarter reacharound Kris choosezzz macks headrum offends me apologize Joe Cocker mustardy dawggz in your hair YOU COULD JUST ASK HOW IT'S PRONOUNCED QUIT BUTCHERING THE PERFECT CONSONANTS YOU HURTFUL FOP

    • Qmzn says:

      Sit right down, and I'll tell a tale, of the Great Escape, in Thirty-Eight.

      A couple weeks ago, while typing Ep.36 comments at Starbucks to uke tunes, I'm flanked by burly G-men that reek of tomato sauce. They escort me to a black sedan, chuck me in the boot, inject me with drugs, and I'm out like a red light after the break.

      I wake up in a dim warehouse, tied to a replica of the butt-less chair Daniel Craig's 007 was tortured in. After a week of Stouffer's gruel and other abuse, the thugs plant me in front of an old, yellowed desktop computer, and an obese guy in a My Little Pony shirt (80s designs, not the new ones) waddles in. He brags about getting the PC for free at a garage sale, in detail, for at least 30 minutes. Packard Bell 386, Win 95, RealVideo encoder, Dennis Nedry system sounds, etc. His breath is as bad as a knotted rope to the nuts.

      Then he unties my hands, and dictates my comments for Ep.37. I post them with a tacked-on cry for help, log out to deny edits, and get stomped senseless for my disobedience. Tubby's last words in my ringing ears are, "Whoa, go easy, Brad Brad."

      When I come to, my captors are absent, and my bonds loosened. I find the hired muscle perforated to death at my feet, then get my first swollen-eyed look at the man responsible. My rescuer, I shit you not, is two-parts Snake Plissken and one-part Dean Proffitt, resplendent in impossibly youthful Kurtness. A hallucination, I think.

      He helps me limp to a big rig parked outside. I black out climbing into the cab. When I regain consciousness, I'm propped against my front door. A scrawled note, stapled to my shirt, reads:

      "Tell Mikey that women like Kim are big trouble. Next time, ditch her at the restaurant."

      That's pretty much it. My first visit to a mirror was a surprise, though. Besides getting tuned up, some basterd carved "CHC" into my forehead. Surgery's outside my price range, so I'm weighing alternatives. Maybe a tattoo artist can cover up the first C with a T shaped like a cannabis leaf. That's slightly less awful.

      • Kyle_Douglas says:

        A harrowing tale to be sure and I'm certainly glad you came out of it mostly no worse for wear.
        However, I was sort of hoping you'd cut this off early with:

        Sorry, I ran out of time.
        You'll find out how I didn't die.
        In thirty-nine.

  7. MrBildango says:

    I have to say I’m a bit disappointed by Mikey’s choice of sitcom theme som (song). It’s a real song made outside in the world! Might as well have chosen Wonderful World by Louis Armstrong as featured in the first few episodes of the first season of Family Matters! Actually that’s a good one. That’s my choice so don’t steal it thanks. I’m doing a 540 on this one. Good choice Mikey.

  8. LMcCJ says:

    I burst out laughing at Brad Brad–mostly because of the excessive facial hair.

    Cruise ships have notoriously small cabins. You'll be lucky if you have space for spooning. You might have to stack up like cord wood. I hope you can podcast from there. (Maybe this time Scalzi will acknowledge MIkey as if he's met him before.)

    Chris Van Allsburg! You're playing in my favorite sandbox now. Most kidlit author/illustrators (even the super famous ones) do not collaborate the way you're thinking. The writer writes, turns the file over to the publisher, then the publisher selects the illustrator. The illustrator determines page breaks, rhythm, everything from that point on. It's astounding. I could talk about this for weeks. I'll stop.

    Loved seeing the genesis of Sorry I Ran Out of Time. Related, Mikey I would totally watch an episode of Recorded it For You, where you show us what you do to make the songs the whole world sings. (I have got to get that song out of my head.)

    Taco Lab! Did you see that little woman who ate the 72 oz steak in less than 3 minutes last week? Sick.

    Now that we've passed the 37 mark, in spite of the prophecy, do we go back to the planchette again or just screw it?

    Spankula! Get that twitter giggle girl to draw some art for that, oh yeah.

    Kyle, Nick, the Executive Council of the 37 will meet in two weeks. We need names, guys. If that cruise ship goes down chainsawsuit podcast must go on. We want to start vetting by Groundhog Day.

    • Kyle_Douglas says:

      "We need names, guys."
      I can't think of anything particularly stellar. Especially something that would sound natural when spoken aloud. For that reason I think something simple like "Chainsaw Devotees" or "Chainsaw Zealots" or "Those People Who Leave Really Long Comments Because It's a One-Hour Show With a Lot Worth Commenting On" is really the best way to go.

      But, of course, none of those sound overly much like clubs, which is the current joke… so….

      The Comic Reference: The League of Chainsawsuit Gentlemen
      The Podcast Reference: The Red Light District (er… wait, hold on)
      The Meta: (Those Who) Comment It For You
      The Simpsons Reference: The Woodcutters
      The Trying Too Hard Reference: The Chainsawinati
      Maximum Pretentiousness: Catena-serra Vestimentum (best Latin translation I can get for "chainsawsuit")

      • LMcCJ says:

        Ha ha, very nice. What I meant was we need to come up with names of people to replace Kris and Mikey with after they die in a tragic cruise ship explosion/fire/capsizing. We have to protect our interests here. Do you have any in with Steve Martin? How's your Brad Brad impersonation coming?

        • Kyle_Douglas says:

          Steve Martin? Dude's 68, dawgg. Get on up in the 20th Century Fox, haHA!

          I'm thinkin' I hook up the show with some hip, fresh faces. Get that dude who did Gangnam Style, ye-ah! Doesn't speak English? DOESN'T MATTER! Dancin' 24/7, yo. Never gets old!

          Bring on my girl Miley Cyrus too. Just turned 21, ya know? Can finally get her doin' shots on air without haters gettin' all up in your face! For reals.

          Gonna be hot, get HYPE!

          • LMcCJ says:

            Your Brad Brad is coming along nicely.

            You had me till Miley–she's a bornie, she's out. I didn't want it to come to this but, dawg, as an agent of the chainsawsuit Corporation I am obliged to ascertain, Are you, in fact, a bornie?

          • LMcCJ says:

            Wait, wait. I retract my question. It would be ageist of me to reject out of hand a bornie. All chainsawsuitsketeers (we really gotta work on that) are welcome…even those born later.

          • Kyle_Douglas says:

            I was mostly concerned by the fact a mock-club existed for all of ~36 hours before it descended into an era of McCarthyism (McCannerism?). This is why fans can't be trusted with nice things :p

          • LMcCJ says:

            *whispers* the podcastmen are borners to me. while the joke was funny, I think it's best we nip this labeling in the bud.

    • @giggleloop says:

      Verily, my mind is reeling with art possibilities for the Spankula Challenge (as it shall henceforth be known [nawmareferinto?]). I'll see what I can come up with in the next few days.

      Also, in case anyone didn't know, I'm the Rebecca Graves of the theme song question (as logging in with Twitter doesn't show that). :)

      • LMcCJ says:

        Apologies. I thought you had drawn naked Mikey which is why I suggested you for Spankula. Frostyplum actually did it. I don't want you to think I randomly put pressure on you to create something. Eventually I'll learn all the names.

  9. Stouffer's Derek says:

    Hey, you guys. I rarely leave long comments because I listen to this podcast while walking, and don’t have internet connection. But, can I join your club? I’ve been here all along, in the shadows. Listening. Laughing. Crying. Reading. Will you take me under your wing? What with the fanart and GIFable video, we, The Generous Smattering of Those Who On Occasion Listen to the Comedic Stylings of Mikey Neumann and Kris Straub (T.W.O.O.L.T.T.C.S.O.M.N.A.K.S), could make this a regular fandom jobby, if we put our minds to it!

    Thank you for listening, and I’ll be retreating to the shade of your long and accomplished commenting careers now. I like your shadow. It’s nice and cool.

    S. D

    • LMcCJ says:

      Of course, of course! We aren't all Family Size Lasagna. Some of us are Five Cheese, others Italiano, and we don't want to forget the Meat & Saucers. Everyone has a place at this table–even the leftovers. As long as you listen for more than 10 seconds, you're in the club.

      Submit ring size and a jpg of your 37 ring will arrive in 6-8 weeks.

    • Kyle_Douglas says:

      "We Should Make Our Own Club. For Everyone, You Know?"
      – Mikey, a statement made freely while not under coercion of any kind.

      As a member, you get a lovely club sash wherein you can sew your various chainsawsuit merit badges:
      "Chainsawsuited" (Finished an Episode)
      "F&*k it, We'll Do It Live!" (Listened to Episode 19)
      "Historical Perspective" (Listened to Episodes 1-32)
      "Do You Feel Like a Neumann?" (Comment Replied to By Mikey)
      "It's Exactly What I Want" (Comment Replied to By Kris)
      "Laconic" (Made a Worthwhile Comment Shorter Than 5 Words)
      "Windbag" (Made a Comment Longer Than 500 Words)
      "Participation" (Submitted To KrisChoosesATopic)
      "Fish and Wildlife Management" (May have slipped in from another merit badge manual)
      "Welcome To Thunderdome" (Accepted for KrisChoosesATopic)
      "Death Pit Victor" (Chosen in KrisChoosesATopic)
      "Mystery Chainsaw Theater" (Completed a Saw It With You)

      • LMcCJ says:

        Excellent! More badges: For cosplaying either of them. For submitting fanart (some of these narratives from you and Nick count!).

  10. MikeyNeumann says:

    This is far and away the largest party we've ever had in a comments section. Truly, we are blessed.

    Just had the best idea for Kris and I on the boat! We can get our friends to join us in a new segment: On a bed with Kris and Mikey.

    Basically, we all pile onto a bed together. It's gonna be greaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa

    *connection lost at sea*

  11. ThomasG says:

    I found the commercials in this episode to be top-notch.

    This is a boring but positive comment.

    • MikeyNeumann says:

      Yeah, there was definitely a feeling of inspiration in the air this week when it came to commercials. I've wanted to tackle the Crossfade thing since we talked about it originally.

  12. @giggleloop says:

    I'm sorry I don't come bearing Spankula related goodness. My computer decided to go tits up, in the parlance of our times, on Thursday and I'm still attempting to fix it. :( but hey, at least YouTube is keeping me sane. I found a video of Mikey saying "healing bullets" on loop, so that was nice.

  13. noshus says:

    I don't know if the bit about Mikey being good at music was a joke or not, but in case it wasn't please allow me to voice my opinion that Mikey's songs are really awful and the worst part of every episode. I always skip them whenever possible.

    Keep up the good work otherwise.

    • MikeyNeumann says:

      Well, it wasn't a joke. Opinion voiced and heard.

      • Stouffer's Derek says:


        I actually really love your songs. I know you already know people love them but, you know.

        Suckup mode was activated.

        I couldn’t help it.

      • Love you songs, especially the ones with a good, strong beat. Look forward to hearing "Put Em Up Now" every week! Also, respect your willingness to play around with some more experimental compositions.
        Keep it up!

        And where is episode 39?!? I'm jonesing!

  14. @MMT_megan says:

    I'm catching up on some past chainsawcasts, so enjoy this untimely comment: Mikey, your Bon Iver-esque song also reminded me (content-wise) of "Where Do We Go From Here?" from Once More With Feeling. I've been thinking that for days while it floated around in my head. I've enjoyed all the songs so far, so good work guys.

    Also, if it hasn't already been requested as a future commercial animation: Lincoln-Douglas Debate Zipline.

    • Stouffer's Derek says:

      “Why is the path unclear, when we know home is near”

      You’re right, it does fit.

      I like the way you comment, Megan.

      Are you, too, a Mikey’s hair fan?

      Join our alliance!

      Now I gotta run, see you all… IN HAAAAAAAYYYYYLLLL (HELL)

  15. Stouffer's Derek says:

    She’s not even half the girl she….ow

    Ok I’ll leave you alone now.

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