Episode 37 – A Tale of Two Podcasts

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With the stay of execution over, this week’s Chainsawsuit marks the very last one we are legally permitted to do. Unless something happens — a miracle — in the next sixty or so minutes, Chainsawsuit is doomed.

Witness, then, our finest hour.

If — IF — by some incredible circumstance we ever return to podcasting, we’d love your topic suggestions! Send ’em all to krischoosesatopic@chainsawsuit.comย and we’ll talk about them next week on the air. Oh, I mean — never.

Act I: The Lament

Act II: The Flame

Act III: The Rise

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27 Responses to Episode 37 – A Tale of Two Podcasts

  1. krisstraub says:

    From a lowly, sad baby acorn, into a jewel-tone, autotuned Quercus agrifolia, this podcast has grown, and a ton of the water, nitrogen-rich soil and sunlight has been afforded to it by Mikey. He spearheads all the video production and (almost) all the audio, literally, on the tip of a very sharp spear, each week. I am so proud of the first 37 episodes, and the voice that the show has evolved.

    Oh, and on top of that — we couldn't ask for better listeners!! Thank you for being here. It means a lot to us.

    • MikeyNeumann says:

      Awww, thank you for your kind words, buddy. It's icing on the cake that we have such a rad following–I'd probably work just as hard on it if only ten people listened to us every week.

      I think we're just at about 2,000 subs on YouTube now. The next milestone is 2,000,000, right? I feel like we're on the cusp!

      • Kyle_Douglas says:

        2,000,000? That's half of Comedy Dawggz listenership. That's like… one Brad. Aim for the stars, Mikey. Be Brad Brad Brad: 6,000,000 or bust.

        I'm sure I'll say something to the same effect in my (probably much) longer comment below, but thanks again to both of you for being a highlight of my weekends :)

  2. Kyle_Douglas says:

    It's time for another Kyle Dawgglaz comment essay. Settle in, buckle up, and pop those collars.

    First off, I am deeply sorry to hear about Tom “Cornflake" Blake's loss in the senate race to the newly elected Senator Mikey Neumann, who was immediately ushered in as soon as he proved his Congress-worthiness with the statement, “Maybe I'll just tweet naked pictures of myself.”

    Speaking of, I think the last few seconds would have been even funnier if, instead of the picture message joke, Mikey had simply jingled with his belt and started standing up as it cut to black and we heard Kris' “Whoa!” The only thing that would have been funnier than ~that~ is if the real Kim Cattrall had suddenly poked her head into frame on Mikey's feed and Kris' head exploded… along with the entire audience.

    I am glad you threw a Sherlock lampshade on there not really being a blowout fight in 37, which was certainly my expectation. But, at the same time, that was my ONLY expectation since you first offhandedly teased the idea of such a thing back in… Episode 10? To have a little 2 minute mock fight to fulfill that prophecy you'd given yourself.

    Instead, you went whole hog and did a three episode saga which I, for one, have massively enjoyed. I suppose I should say ~at least~ a three episode saga, since Kris is in breach of contract with Comedy Dawggz and Brad Brad strikes me as the type of person that could be vindictive. Especially after Kris said my favorite quote of the episode: "You are not a good human…… Why can't I get more negative about it than this? Brad, I wish death upon you."

    My second favorite quote was also Comedy Dawggz related when Mikey described it as: "Chauvinistic and masochistic. It's all the -istics"

    In Comedy Dawggz itself, It took me over 2 minutes to realize Brad Brad's video frame was gradually eating into Kris Tom's frame. I now believe that myth about slowly boiling a frog in hot water.
    I was relieved when we cut back to the "real show" after ~5 minutes. I was enjoying Dawggz in all its Netscape Navigated, Geocities hosted, RealMedia powered glory… but the joke would have worn thin if it'd run the full 11 minutes of Segment 2.

    Jumping back to the end, as soon as Mikey said, “this is a big comic for you,” I ~knew~ he was going for the F-Chords joke and I loved it. That entire bit was great. I can't wait to start watching F-Chords right after Archer on FX.

    It was a lot of fun seeing the Moffat/Cumberbatch bit on video. The previous times you've done it, when it was audio-only, I was honestly never sure if Kris' was doing Moffat or if Mikey was just talking to himself as both roles. I was disappointed to hear you call him “The Moff” though. Steven Moffat is The Grand Moff.

    Boom, Star Wars reference. Clock wipe to victory.

    • MikeyNeumann says:

      A fantastic recap as always.

      My favorite quote of the episode was something I didn't catch until I was editing it… and then I laughed every time I came across it. I think Kris and I get on such machine gun rolls that we miss a few things here and there. *ahem* "That movie is going straight to the camera it was filmed on."

      Genius.

      • Kyle_Douglas says:

        Well, I'm not sure if it's a ~fantastic~ recap, but it certainly is ~long~.

        I blame Qmzn not showing up in the Episode 36 comments. I must have accidentally Highlander'd his long comments into my own.

  3. Qmzn says:

    Before I begin, I would like to swear that, over the past week, I have not been kidnapped, held against my will, theatened, force-fed cheap microwavable food, or otherwise coerced by "Stouffer's", "Comedy Dawggz Incorporated™", and/or the "Chainsawsuit Hate Consortium" into making the following statements.

    I, and the thousands of others that constitute the "Chainsawsuit Podcast Disenfranchised Listenership", feel this product has misrepresented its quality and reneged on key promises made during the early stages of development.

    First, there is the issue of the podcast only being offered in .mp3 and YouTube streaming formats, when the prevalent content delivery system of today's internet is clearly .rm, the RealMedia™ container. The primary content handler, one Mikey Neumann, has stated on numerous occasions his desire to increase the quality of this product. How can quality ever increase over these inferior delivery mechanisms? It CANNOT.

    Second, numerous prior allusions were made to a dramatic conflict set to take place in Episode 37, between Mr. Straub and Mr. Neumann. The actual event did not meet the standards discussed in previous podcasts. Prerelease dialogue referenced a significantly-violent, friendship-altering, dynamically-lit argument between Straub and Neumann. What we received in the final product was not even CLOSE to what we were promised.

    It is due to these misrepresentations, and other related issues, that my organization will soon be creating an online petition. When the requisite number of signatures are obtained, we will then be filing a class-action lawsuit against the podcast. Our entitled voice will not be silenced.

    I encourage any of you who feel similarly to sign the petition, then transfer your listenership to the stellar Comedy Dawggz Podcast™. Thank you for your time.

    please help I think they are going to kill me after I post th

    • MikeyNeumann says:

      This is the best comment I've ever read on anything ever.

    • Kyle_Douglas says:

      Wait, we can use actual bolding and italics? Why have I been using ~tildes~ to give emphasis like some sort of chump?

      This changes nothing everything.

      Anyway, good luck with that whole problem with closing your online petitions (I may have only read the bolding ๐Ÿ˜‰

  4. LMcCJ says:

    At the beginning of Mikey's Lament I was picturing you in full monk regalia then I went straight to England Dan & John Ford Coley. Not good.

    Brad Brad exhausted me. But, as a unit, there he was looking like he was humping something, as Kris got squished smaller and smaller then, "Somebody is tickling me under my desk." Well, Comedy Dawggz definitely brought the erotica. Scary, blinding erotica, but erotica none the less.

    Sex at the Science Fair? Absolutely–teachers, parents, all those tri-fold displays. The environment is ripe.

    Mikey, I was all ready to endorse your skills on LinkedIn. Glad it is unnecessary. Going forward, I think you could definitely make money selling pics of your nekkid self in the kitchen. Maybe a calendar….

    Straub -> Smaug -> Dawggz Something is going on with the universe.

    —–
    Nick, I thought you were bowing out on us these last few weeks. Nice to see we haven't lost you yet. Unless they've kilt you by now.

    Kyle, looking forward to your richer posts.

  5. ThomasG says:

    Kris, you might think that professional Dog-Fart™ recordings are made by following a dog around and waiting for it to fart, but the reality is likely much more grim (which I hope Mikey understands). Consider, if you will, a dimly-lit basement in an abandoned warehouse, where a mad dogfart scientist keeps an array of dogs fully restrained, with their anuses mic'd and their diets varied not for the nutrition of the animal but to induce and to modify the sonic characteristics of the farts. It's a grim world that we live in, and Dog-Fart™ brand recordings aren't above cutting corners to stay competitive in this dog-fart-on-dog world.

    I mean, seriously, if they tried following a dog around, it would take, like, forever to get a fart sound, as I've only known dogs to be silent farters.

  6. Steve Jolly says:

    I loved F chords, I want to watch that show.

  7. sheanam says:

    Poor F Chords, I'm starting to feel like I was only one of a handful of people that actually liked that comic. Still, if nothing else, it saved the day for everything else in the end!

    • MikeyNeumann says:

      We don't actually dislike F Chords. I personally think it's awesome, but it was the easiest to put on the block this week. Plus, I got to make that awesome FX promo art for a fake show, which was the most fun I had last week.

  8. Danny says:

    Even knowing that this was coming, and a joke, I was still sad at the beginning. Then Kris mentioned bonzi buddy, and I died. I'm currently writing this as a poltergeist.

  9. Thorbie says:

    RIP Comedy Dawggz. I was so looking forward to hearing Dog Farts That Sound Like Dog Barks Vol 1. They're selling them used on Amazon for as low as $87.95 and I wanted to know what they sounded like before purchasing. For some reason my Real Media Player can't play the sample clips.

  10. John Magnum says:

    Hey Mikey, I have a visual film question/topic for you!

    In my experience, I haven't been very sensitive to cruddy CGI, or weird cinematographic choices, or high-FPS filmaking, or what have you. But when I was just now watching Ultraviolet, a lot of the look and feel of the movie was just… really weird. Especially the very beginning action sequences. Is there anything uniquely awful that went into Ultraviolet's visual makeup, or is it just ordinary bad CGI that I happen to notice?

    • MikeyNeumann says:

      OH GOD.

      Haha. Ultraviolet was one of the worst movie experiences I ever saw in a theater. I remember my friends and I were really excited to see it back in the day … we were huge fans of the director's previous effort: Equilibrium (a film that actually looks and sounds like a movie.)

      As for Ultraviolet, you aren't alone in thinking that movie looked weird. It's almost entirely shot on green screen with this really strange, off the shelf, bloom effect on every shot. It's a cheap as hell bloom effect, something you can throw on with even the cheapest video editing software.

      Basically, it's all created in the cheapest and most amateurish way possible–you could replicate the look with an iphone and Final Cut Express–that's how low rent that movie is.

      God. I haven't thought about that movie in YEARS. Thanks for putting a smile on my face tonight ๐Ÿ˜€

      • John Magnum says:

        Haha! I saw Ultraviolet after watching Equilbrium too. And Equilibrium was definitely way better, it had a lot of really cool sets and aesthetics to it. Thanks for your response, it was really interesting!

  11. Ha-HA! Man, that second part was AWFUL. Glad this lasted only a few minutes. How did you do that and not totally break down with laughter? Just curious: Was Kris able see you, uhm I mean BradBrad, the whole time? If so, then kudos for keeping a straight face.
    Well, I fear and predict that this was NOT the last we've heard of Kim's insatiable drive for power over the podcast. *shudder*

    • MikeyNeumann says:

      Yeah, we can see each other. We've gotten pretty good at not busting out with laughter at the madness that spews forth from each others' lips. I think I burst out into laughter more than Kris did, especially trying to get "Ted Nugent is my diiiiick" out–which I totally lost it on.

      To be honest, the hardest part of Brad Brad was keeping the energy up … you can actually see the moment I stop to catch my breath.

      Do they give Oscars for YouTube podcasts? Sign me up. It's time.

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