on 

as a father —

hold on let me say that again.

as a father, i heard a lot about poops and how the first poop, especially, was the most lovecraftian thing the human body could conjure. but let me go on record and say that rumors of this poop have been greatly exaggerated. i mean i don’t know what you expect to find in a diaper anyway. smaug atop his hoard?

i get the feeling that, much like in-n-out burger, the native party wants to lord some kind of spectacle over me when it is unworthy of a jaw-drop