on 

you know what’s the worst thing about this? this was inspired by that kickstarter for a horrible pick-up artist book, and here’s the thing — i’m not sure this tip isn’t actually in the book.

pick-up artist stuff is funny when there’s an absurdist endpoint to aim for, but i don’t know that that endpoint really exists. maybe there is a section on what resolution to print your dick out at for optimum fidelity in low-light environments. there very well could be. i just don’t know anymore.