peanuts

Donnyfightworld

Scene where Lucy snatches away Charles Shulz's dignity.

PutnamsPuppeteer

Charlie Brown inevitably renames himself "Chad". Jokes about Peppermint Patty being a lesbian abound. Snoopy gets wasted and goes on a drunken rampage to the tune of "Who Let The Dogs Out?" Woodstock talks and he's yo-yoing between being stoned and being on a bad trip. At the end, it cuts to footage of the producers urinating on Schultz's grave while armed goons force his weeping, ball-gagged friends and family to applaud.

mrmoth

Oddly plausible. Especially the finale, which I suspect will be happening even if not filmed.

LMcCJ

When you watch the old movies now, you realize what a bunch of mean bullies most of them were. Let's hope the new wave can improve on the old ideas (except for the voices of the adults!).

EerieNearYe

One day, when I have a child, I will only speak to him with "Wah-wahwahwah-wah-wah-wahhh", and have the other neighborhood kids teach him english.
- Hagrok
  
  That's pretty much what happens anyway.

Kyle_Douglas

Say what you will, I love Snoopr. No where else on the internet can you get psychiatry advice in exchange for a mere 5 cents worth of bitcoins. Thanks, LucyXxYOLOSWAGxX1950!

eksortso

Is there anywhere on the internet where they don't post the psychiatric advice you receive in public?

Elbasunu

"Sparky used to say that if snoopr was downloading a torrent of a happy dance, then he was THINKING (how to monetize) a Happy Dance(tm)"

Jesse

Working title: You're A Human Stain, Charlie Brown

Robert Bobson

Woodstock has a dream/trip sequence where Snoopr's mascot flies their red-painted corporate headquarters back in time and shoots down the World Trade Center terrorist airplanes. Chaz imparts the true meaning of 9-11 in front of a giant split-screen showing Youtube videos of the rest of the cast solemnly twerking.

1415dr

You lost me until 'solemnly twerking'

resneeze

Charlie Brown's smile in that teaser is disturbing. Was Snoopy fellating him?

PutnamsPuppeteer

Shh, shh, shh. Don't give them any ideas.
- SamuelAdamsH
  
  Too late, there's this Tumblr you DO NOT want to see…

Dan H.

I'm particularly worried about the inclusion of Charlie's cousin Chris Brown.

EerieNearYe

In recent years, I've come to realize just how much I hate the Peanuts. I understand that it was more geared towards children, but even so, the jokes weren't really that funny, and the whole premise depresses me. Charlie Brown is a perpetually bald child with no real friends, he is universally hated by his entire town, including his own dog and his dogs pet bird, for chrissakes. Despite the underlying Christian message, the kids treat Charlie Brown like absolute shit, except at the very end of whatever animated holiday special, then they don't even act nice, they just don't outright act like little goblins.

Also, it was pointed out to me that if one watches the end of the Peanuts Thanksgiving special, when all the kids eat together, all the kids are on one side of the table, and Franklin(the only black kid) and that girl that Peppermint Patty is always with (that almost everyone agrees seems like a lesbian sterotype) sit on the other end. The only black kid and the only lesbian kid sit facing the rest of the group. That seems like a strong example of very subtle racism to me. If I'm reading too much into it, I apologize, just felt like it was worth mentioning.

Gimli

It's kinda important to note that Peanuts was never intended to be light; it's just that Schultz's style got comparatively "sweeter" over time. In the early days of the strip, which was originally called "Li'l Folks" (Charles Schultz initially despised the title "Peanuts"), one of the characters states "There goes good ol' Charlie Brown!" as Charlie walks by, and then proclaims "Oh, how I hate him!" the instant that Charlie passes. This was pretty damn dark for the time, and the borderline-Kafkaesque nature of Charlie Brown's existence never really went away.

Charles Schultz, incidentally, didn't identify as a Christian in his later years, noting that he would call himself a secular humanist.

Also (and I can't believe I have to say this) just because Peppermint Patty is athletic and tough doesn't mean she's a lesbian. Women can be tomboys without being lesbians. And of course she hung out with Marcie most of the time. Kids that age tend to make more friends of their own gender. Franklin isn't ostracized to the end with the lesbian stereotype.
- EerieNearYe
  
  Well, it's just that Charlie Brown is actually the nicest guy in the world, he never seems to say anything mean or nasty, and rolls with the punches past the point most kids in high school contemplate suicide. But none of these kids seem to be able to understand that, and they just keep treating him like crap. Even Linus, his only real friend, doesn't stick by him in the Christmas special.
  
  And I actually meant Marcy, Peppermint Patty's assistant that always called him "sir". I then looked on youtube to check, and it's actually Peppermind Patty, not Marcy. And I'm not saying that shes a lesbian, and I'm not implying that all tomboys are also lesbians. That's absurd. I still find it a little odd that the only black child and the tomboy who doesn't quite sync up with the rest of the cast are both on one side of the table.
  - JJJMo
    
    "Charlie Brown is actually the nicest guy in the world…..but none of these kids seem to be able to understand that, and they just keep treating him like crap."
    
    I gotta say, that sounds pretty true-to-life to me….
  - Donnyfightworld
    
    Franklin was introduced to just be another character, not to make any kind of statement about race one way or another. And both Marcie and Peppermint Patty had crushes on Charlie Brown. And in Patty's case, she had one on snoopy too (she thought he was just a big nosed kid). That whole thanksgiving scenario sounds like some social justice styled inventing reasons to be offended/angry about something.
    
    A point people miss about Calvin in Calvin and Hobbes is that Calvin wasn't meant to be a literal child, the intention wasn't to portray him as some kind of misunderstood golden child, a victim of the cold and thoughtless people around him. He was a little shit and people reacted realistically to his behavior. Its the same way with Charlie Brown. He was FRUSTRATING. He was anxious and depressed, and when wasn't wallowing in his own self-described wishy-washiness he was stubbornly taking charge of situations he wasn't qualified to handle to the detriment of himself and his friends (like managing the baseball team). That isn't to say he isn't a sympathetic character, he is. But its not like the reactions he gets from other characters come out of nowhere. And in the case of characters like Lucy, thats just how she is. She treats everyone like that. I don't think Shulz's intent was to portray Charlie Brown as some kind of eternal victim. Its why he's a lovable loser and not just a loser.
    - EerieNearYe
      
      Well now I'm worried I've inadvertently made myself look like someone looking for something to be upset about. Again, I'm not 100% on the gender identity/racism of that special, it was just something I was told I thought was worth mentioning. But what I WILL debate on is the sullenness of the comic. Charlie Brown was often thrust into the position of leadership, against his wishes, and when he messed up everyone berated him. The saddest part is that, of all the Peanuts comics I've seen, there doesn't appear to be a single instance of the cast showing any genuine kindness or thoughtfulness towards Charlie Brown. And even if there was one or two isolated comics I missed showing friggin' Lucy apologizing or whatever, it would need to be a lot of them to excuse the viciousness the kids had shown for years.
    - Donnyfightworld
      
      Linus was a loyal friend who listened to Charlie Brown air his anxieties and gave him advice when he could. Linus would also call Lucy out on her bullshit on a semi-regular basis. Peppermint Patty also went out of her way to include Charlie Brown in her activities and treated him as a (mostly) respected rival in sports. And then there are characters like Pig-pen or Franklin, who never really treated Charlie Brown one way or the other. There are also moments, like the running gag with him failing to kick the football or failing to manage to baseball team where his failure is his own fault, and not some outside force working against him. Not to say there weren't plenty of times he was treated unfairly or meanly, but the focus of the comic wasn't just him getting dumped on. Yeah the kids could be mean, but they're kids. Kids can be more vicious than adults at times.
      
      I'd argue that maybe you should give it another go at giving it a serious read. You're painting a very vague, specific vision of Peanuts that just isn't accurate.
    - JJJMo
      
      Welcome to debating with Donnyfightworld. The first rule of debating with Donnyfightworld is you never talk to Donnyfightworld.
    - Scott
      
      A guy doesn't pick a fight with the entire world unprepared.
      
      You can run, but you'll only die tired.
    - EerieNearYe
      
      Failing to kick the football was Lucy's doing, yanking it away from him. He kept at it though, through his doubts, because there was the slimmest hope that he would finally be able to kick it. That was actually heartwarming, and crushing even more when Lucy re-established her identity as a child bitch. You do raise good points on Linus, he was Charlies closest friend. But even Linus wasn't above laughing at Charlie along with the group, or calling him a blockhead when he fucked something up. And failing to manage the baseball team was also more the fault of everyone else, because they refused to listen to any of his directions or treat him with an ounce of respect.
    - EerieNearYe
      
      I mean, if you watch the Christmas special, the entire time Charlie Brown is disillusioned by the commercialism of Christmas, and is invited by Lucy to be the Christmas play director, but when he gets there and tries to, y'know, DO THAT, everyone just fucks around and dances instead of listening to him. Then everyone yells at him to get a tree, and as he's walking out, one of them says "yeah, do something RIGHT for a change, Charlie Brown!". So he goes with Linus to get a tree, and chooses a small one because he's taking a chance instead of being the insecure character you were ragging on him for being. But then everyone gives him shit, and Linus tries to explain the meaning of Christmas by quoting the Bible, and then Charlie goes home, a completely broken person. Then the shittiest kids on the planet are like "hey, what if we DON'T treat Charlie like shit for like 5 minutes, it's the season of giving after all". So they go and decorate his little tree, he goes outside and they say "Merry Christmas!" and somehow, them wishing him a merry christmas is supposed to excuse the fact they berated Charlie Brown and kicked him while he was down on his luck, and kept at it, until he was genuinely broken-hearted. What is the freaking lesson there?
    - EerieNearYe
      
      Okay, that's about enough. I've made my case, and judging by the amounts of dislikes and my observations at how easy it is to make a likable comment on the chainsawsuit comment section, clearly no one shares my opinion.
    - wykstrad
      
      I would say the earlier description of Peanuts as "borderline-Kafkaesque" is key, here. In fact, I could easily see someone having the same reaction to "The Metamorphosis" that you do to Peanuts. But for many of us who like Peanuts, a major part of the strip's appeal is that Charlie Brown is forced to endure the frequent scorn and disrespect of everyone around him for reasons that are rarely his own fault. I like it for two reasons:
      
      1, there are moments in my life when I feel like Charlie Brown, when nothing is going right for me, when I suspect no one actually likes me, when I don't like myself that much, and seeing this internal experience reflected in early Peanuts strips gives me a way to look at my own situation from a detached perspective and momentarily find it funny. In the times when I feel like Charlie Brown, a version of Peanuts that showed him being liked and respected would only make me feel more alienated and alone. Peanuts needs to be sad because there's always going to be someone, somewhere, who feels sad, and Peanuts will be there for them.
      
      2, Charlie Brown might get sad, but he never gives up, and in the strip's moral universe, this perverse optimism is its own reward. You mentioned how Charlie Brown's willingness to keep running at the football was heartwarming, and I'd agree, but I would also add that if Charlie Brown ever actually kicked the football, it would be a huge blow to the strip: Charlie Brown would have learned that he was right to keep running at the football because he eventually got rewarded for it, where the whole point of the football strip (to me) seems to be that Charlie Brown is full of doubt, has lots of experience telling him it's not going to work out, and yet he runs at the football anyway. Granted, this is a fairly Christian sentiment (especially if you're familiar with Kirkegaard's version of Christian belief), but I think it can be embraced by anyone inclined to sympathize with human suffering.

@ScottCorpany

The thing that makes me most unhappy about this is Schulz's forged signature prominently featured on art he had nothing to do with.

Alec

This movie is the Schulz's family's work, not just Charles Schulz's. Charles provided the comics and the Schulz family have the entire Peanuts series for reference. This series has always been a family project both directly and indirectly.

SamuelAdamsH

Oh internet! How I love you! You can make the most beloved comic strip in the world into a polarized debate about race and gender identity! You're so great!

P.S. Why not get some class commentary going as well. Pig-Pen is obviously a stereotypical representation of a disadvantaged youth and his nickname is just SOOOO offensive!

EerieNearYe

Hey, man, I'm assuming you're talking about my comment that wasn't too well-received. Let me clear the air, here: I'm not talking about race or gender identity. I just personally don't like the Peanuts comic because the premise is depressing.
SamuelAdamsH

Apparently the internet always assumes that anything and everything is about them: blogs, comments, comics, yootoobs, etc.

Sometimes a duck is just a duck, sometimes an enlarged ego is not anybody else's problem, sometimes a comment on a comic isn't anything to get upset about.

Hey, it's Wednesday, now we can read the next Broodhollow/Chainsawsuit! I'm a big fan of Kris Straub!

Mac

Wow, this was a great comic. It's amazing to see just how Kris managed to condense everything that's wrong with 3d adaptations of classic comics in just two single strips…

Chris

Didn't you already do this joke with the Tintin movie and, to a lesser extent, the Boiga Bruddas movie?

JJJ

No.
Jor-El

Its more reminiscent of the strip about the Smurfs movie.

@brockst4r

You had me at the lone word "app" with no punctuation or explanation. I'd say that's a fair assessment.

D, just D

This ain't your grandma's cartoon!

Special guest appearances from Ice Cube, Mark Wahlberg, Snoop Dogg, Pepsi Products, Five Hour Energy, and MacDonald's.

o0o

calm down, "woah lots of comments link", you used to have a certain understated class

ElmoAteMyCookie

During a montage of women chasing after Schroder set to Smashmouth's irreverent new cover of "Daydream Believer," he accidentally opens the door on Sharlie Brown naked, seen from behind. Record scratch, moment of silence, Snoopy breaks in with that "Waaaah" sound.

ElmoAteMyCookie

Sharlie is Charlie's hot cousin voiced by Taylor Swift, not a typo.

Tyler Chase

Pretty sure we need a "saw it for you" for this movie.

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