i bet you didn’t know lincoln left the presidency to his dog in his spoken last will and testament. what were they supposed to do, ignore his dying wish and give it to his vice president?

the fido administration was marked by etc etc, add more jokes here later

NEWS FLASH with Capitalization

We’ve announced our guest list for the Chainsawsuit Live shows August 29 and 30th at the Triple Door in Seattle! Check out this handy landing site I made for more info! Abby Howard! John T. Drake! Nika Harper! Bobak Ferdowsi! Brad Muir! Ashly Burch! Possibly others whose schedules were up in the air last time we asked! Sponsored attentively, like a generous lover, by Card Kingdom.

Side note: I’m very nervous to talk to Bobak as I did not get accepted to Caltech, and JPL was my childhood dream job. We took a field trip there as 3rd or 4th graders and saw a mainframe they called “Hypercube” which cemented my love of computer science and higher-dimension-facilitated time travel.

Anyway I’m just saying I may throw up on him, and you can get tickets to that. The wonders of modern science.