hey guys, ever since i heard of desert bus for hope i wanted to get “onboard the bus” to help raise money for child’s play, a charity that donates entertainment systems to kids enduring long hospital stays
but what i didn’t realize is, the children’s charity “drive” doesn’t really take place in canada, but an ice-blighted, storm-razed island called victoria that god in his wisdom separated from the rest of his kingdom. this trackless frostscape is only reachable by the kind of aircraft that you usually see almost killing indiana jones.
at the time of this posting, i haven’t actually arrived in victoria yet. my flight was cancelled due to the air carrier only using a style of plane incapable of piercing the endless typhonic bulwark which surrounds its destination. “we’re as shocked as you are,” they told me as they offered me the opportunity to try again the next day — in the same airplane that they just told me would have been destroyed by winds. instead i have chartered a seat aboard a form of seafaring vessel which may possess the much-needed mass coefficient to remain upright amid victoria’s all-repelling frozen nightmare.
and though the sum of money in the comic strip is sheer exaggeration, i did think, if i just donate the money it will cost to procure these new flights and voyages — so close to our earth holiday thanksgiving, driving the price even higher — maybe that’s better than showing up on camera for 90 minutes. however i was informed that the potential for my presence to drive even more eyes and monies to the aid of bed-ridden children was much greater than the cost of transit.
i take up this charge. i will go to desert bus. i will raise money for the children to spite thee, victoria; you sunless abyss; you bat-winged glacial demon; you wretched, shivering, drift-buried cocytus
i mean, just look at this hellpit:
i’m scheduled to appear 1:30 PM to 3:00 PM, but by god i will fight to remain on camera. i’m not almost dying of exposure for a lousy hour-and-a-half of kid-helping