footprints in the sand, part 2

Aug09

on August 9, 2012

jesus was a blue ghost in rotj, but they later swapped him out for hayden christensen

also! check out my blog for special guest info about the scott and kris show, live in seattle at the end of this month!! or just watch this video, which explains it all:

└ Tags: aunt beru, blastpoints, carried, christ, footprints, god, jesus, lord, sand, sandpeople, single file, something you'd find on grandma's wall, star wars, trial, uncle owen, wow a two parter

@geeksthenewcool

hahahahahahahahaha
Huntyr Chase

I got your blastpoint right here. ZAP.
- First McFirsterson
  
  Missed you, buddy.
Duncan

http://verydemotivational.files.wordpress.com/201…

:(
- YTMND
  
  This comic plagiarized at best, and stale at worst.
@shegeekshow

this is the same jesus that sold us artoo and threepio
yingmin

I never really thought about it until I saw this strip, but Ben's comment that "only Imperial Stormtroopers are so precise" must be one of the most ridiculous lies ever told to advance a movie plot.
- Bill
  
  As we all learned in science class, there's a big difference between precision and accuracy. It applies here.
  - bjnlong
    
    As it turns out, the manufacturer of the sights on their blasters was on Alderaan. Now their shots are neatly grouped about 10 degrees to the left, thanks to second-hand parts bought from Outer Rim Hutts.
- r4v5
  
  One of the retcon explanations I've seen for this is that they're pretty good shots except when in the death star itself, because they were under orders to let Luke et al escape to track them back to their Secret Rebel Base.
- TheInsaneWombat
  
  Actually, I figured it out. The Stormtroopers ARE elite marksmen, but nobody would dare shoot at Harrison Ford or any of his friends. Which is why Aunt and Uncle Owen died. They weren't friends with Ford.
- Barril
  
  Ben was being sarcastic, IMO.
- @WriterRyan
  
  The explanation I read somewhere once explained a bunch of theory about how it's harder for the Stormtroopers to shoot Luke et. al. than vice-versa because Luke and the funky bunch are clearly distinct people while the Stormtroopers all wear helmets.
  
  Apparently, a lot of people have a hard time shooting other people and will, given the chance, purposely (or subconsciously) miss in hopes that someone else will do the actual dirty deed for them. It makes sense to me. After all, that's why firing squads have some guns loaded with blanks: allows the shooters to believe there's a chance they themselves didn't shoot the prisoner.
  - targetbuddy
    
    http://www.cracked.com/article_18858_the-biggest-…
    Was it this?
  - Adrian
    
    I'm just gonna throw this out here…
    
    Since they're both children of Vader…they have some sort of affinity with the Force, even if it isn't brought up to significant levels. I'm saying that on top of the Stormtroopers not being ordered to kill them, that the Force had something to do with reflexes/aim since well it seems pretty likely it would have some influence in a life on the line situation.
- Capt. Amazing
  
  Or, you know, they just had an easy time shooting a precise spot on a non-moving disabled transport that they could et as close as they wanted to before firing.
tradertimm

"But I was going into Tosche Station to pick up some Jesus converters!"
- CWRudy
  
  You mean converts?
  - tradertimm
    
    I guess people don't know that line. I'm surprised.
    - CWRudy
      
      After seeing it 14 times in the the theaters back in 1977, I'd be surprised that I don't know that line too. 'Jesus converters' sounds like another name for missionaries – try their famous position today!
      - tradertimm
        
        Well, I would've said "Power converters", but then the comic Jesus was staring at me so sternly I flubbed it.
AllHallowsSteve

Don't be offended, Christians. That's just Qui-Gon.
- eldiran
  
  I'm still offended. Qui-Gon is lame, Obi-Wan is where it's at
  - B. Phoenix
    
    Please, guys, don't worry about it. Just let Qui-Gons be Qui-Gons.
    
    *shot*
    - CWRudy
      
      *spent shell casings 'tink' as they hit the ground*
@SeaPhoam

and when there were no footprints we took the landspeeder
Dolphin6

Where is Jar Jar?
- Graveyard Duck
  
  He shows up when you walk on the beach with Asmodeus.
Pedro del Taco

Nope, I still got nothing for a "Jesus is my copilot" joke, dammit…
- MagFlare
  
  Jesus is my astromech droid?
- wykstrad
  
  You got too close to a bogey, got caught in the jetwash, and couldn't regain control of the plane or reach the eject button because of the G-forces. Jesus reached forward to pull the backup eject cord, but this misbalanced his chair, causing him to eject at an odd angle and strike the canopy glass, breaking his neck. In the end, Jesus died for your need… your need for speed.
derp

And then later in the movie, he dies to save us, and comes back later as a ghost.
- JJJ
  
  "Strike me down and I shall become more powerful than you can possibly imagine!"
Nathan Lawson

Obi Won used Force Rogaine.

It's super eff-

damn that's some nice hair.
bonjovifriday

And he fired the sixth proton torpedo, and behold there was a great moonquake. And Ben of Tattoine said "That art no moon.".
- RoboGoofers
  
  And the Ewoks did raise up their Golden Idol. And they made offerings on the Idol and celebrated. And they did prepare a feast of Human. But this sacrifice angered the Idol, who did rise up and fly around a bit. And the Ewoks scattered and hid.
  Later the golden Idol gave onto them ears the gospel according to C-3PO.
thejudomadonna

my local drive-time radio show called, they want their bumper back (the single file joke)

more like Kris Mencia, amirite?
- thirdmike
  
  No. You are not right. Tell us again how Candle Cove was written on a real forum, please.
  - apLundell
    
    Are you berating a guy for not being aware of every blog post Kris Straub has ever made?
    - wykstrad
      
      yes.
- thirdmike
  
  P.S. http://krisstraub.com/2010/09/12/but-lord-during-…
- krisstraub
  
  he's right. i stole this joke. this joke got a lot of recognition a couple months ago, after george takei linked to a poster version of it. the poster version was from tumblr. it appeared immediately after i had posted it to tumblr in late 2010. (of course, the attribution was removed.)
  
  honestly i can't get too mad, because it is just a pop culture mash-up, and i don't actually own either concept that went into making the joke. but i can still be upset when someone says "ha ha, this thing i read on tumblr is funny, i'll just tell everyone i made it up instead." on tumblr it doesn't matter who did something first — the person who shared it the furthest gets credit for its creation.
  
  anyway i'm taking my joke back today
  - SwiftAusterity
    
    We should organize a march.
    
    Take the joke back!
  - oobgarm
    
    You need a shirt like Randal from Clerks II!
  - thejudomadonna
    
    i was using a technique referred to in the industry as "feigning outrage".
    
    my local radio does have a bumper that mentions it, but i don't really give a shit. i'm pretty sure jerry seinfeld isn't the only person who has asked a rhetorical question about airplane peanuts.
    
    the 8th was my 30th birthday, and I woke up in a bad mood and i just wanted to shit on something.
    
    i love you kris.
    - JJJ
      
      You were in a bad mood and wanted to #$% on something? If you were going for your 'thumbs up' average, than success is yours, my friend.
      - thejudomadonna
        
        yeah, i base my self-esteem on my "thumbs up" average. thanks for editing your quote of me to random characters, too. Curse words offend my delicate sensibilities.
        
        i don't even have a clue how i'm going to handle this turn of events.
        
        make sure you upvote the Gawker article about my suicide tomorrow!
      - JJJ
        
        Actually I was just worried Jesus might read it.
    - o0o
      
      you think turning 30 sucked, wait til you try 31, it's somehow much worse.
- eracurrent
  
  Who is Kris Mencia? Am I supposed to know all these things?
  - Sir_Fragsalot
    
    It's an anagram for 'seismic rank': the second coming will be accompanied by terrible earthquakes! And there will also be jawas.
    - robin
      
      nike racism
      i sank crime
      ice rink sam
      sick air men
      i c mink arse
      
      i'm not gonna do better than 'mink arse', so i'm done.
oobgarm

He really pissed off the patrons of the Mos Eisley cantina when he turned their wine into water. Except that guy with the butt mouth, no one could understand him.
Sir_Fragsalot

"This isn't the messiah you're looking for."
Dan

Little known actual fact: Martin Luther's 96th thesis stated that Jesus received his divine powers from midi-chlorians.
@PGKosmal

"Only the Sanhedrin are this accurate."
Scrotumancer

"Oh, this is interesting. Judas."
"Judas system?"
"Judas isn't a system, he's a man."
apLundell

And these blast points, see how they kept hitting the giant sand crawler and not the people they were trying to kill? Only imperial storm troopers are this imprecise.
- thirdmike
  
  Ha, because you deleted your original reply, I'll just let you know here that I was berating the dude for being a dick, not "for not being aware of every blog post Kris Straub has ever made."
  
  "LOL Kris MENCIA AMIRITE guys" was just a tad cringe-inducing to me. Also, as with many attribution problems, finding that original post took only a cursory Google search.
  - apLundell
    
    I have deleted nothing.
Daniel

I'm a devout Christian, and the sandpeople gag still made me crack up.
Jacky

Love this and I am a Christian

footprints in the sand, part 2

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