make sure your mechanic is very thorough! a lot of amateurs miss the man with a hook for a hand who lives in your hollowed-out backseat
They left the gremlins on the trunk. You can get those cleaned out at a car wash.
"That was no killer, that was my wife!"
*canned laughter and cheers*
Dexter's Lab ftw
But… my mechanic IS the man with the hook for a hand who lives in my back seat!
Well, okay, it's a monkey wrench, but it's not a hand and he and his family live in my back seat.
"I replaced the hooker in your trunk. The old one was lookin' a little ratty."
I brought my vehicle in for a tune-up last week and on my home I was met with a piano wire wrapped around my neck. Not only did you miss the assailant, but it took you almost two hours to do a shotty job and frankly–oh wait I'm dead
I really wanna thumb you up here, but you misspelled "shoddy." Ah, the hell with it. I'll thumb you up and then thumb myself down. That should balance the Karmic Grammar Scales.
Well, damn, I can't thumb myself down. I guess i'll just have to flame myself instead. GTFO grammar nazi! No one cares, lulz! Pics or it didn't happen! TL;DR!
I thumbed one of your replies up, and thumbed the other down.
I really wanna thumb you up here, but you said "the hell with it," which doesn't make any sense. Ah, to hell with it.
Who knows, maybe the mechanic took two hours to get a shotgun nailed to the roof.
Most mechanics in Beverly Hills are now prone to checking for bananas in the tailpipe.
who minus oned this!?
That would be Fernando Aguirre, CEO of Chiquita Brands International. Amusing car-related pranks were one of the top uses of bananas, and now that mechanics are starting to render such pranks obsolete, Chiquita's banana sales have been dropping. Mr. Aguirre is a big believer in astroturf movements, but he's not very good at them, hence why the chat hasn't been flooded with subtle banana advertisements.
But really, bananas need no advertising. They are the perfect fruit, both as a delicious food, a source of potassium, and a source of classic comedy, due to the peel. Furthermore, the word "Banana" has been proven to be the most comedically appropriate term for any fruit, and fits quite well into a song (or lighthearted poem) with an iambic or trochaic meter. Who else remembers the catchy Internet semiclassic song by Tally Hall, "Banana Man?" I do, dear reader. I do.
But of course, the question is this: do YOU want a banana?
how could something that is a source of potassium not also be a source of classic comedy? without a doubt, the second funniest of all the alkali metals.
the first being rubidium… since it sounds dirty.
Also installed a delay timer that keeps you from flashing your headlights, that should keep any highway killers away.
My problem is ninjas. It's a Japanese make car.
AND they're metric, too.
"The gun in your glove box seemed a little small. I managed to fit something a lot more cannony in there."
Alright then, what about my ignition? Did you fix the car's Fearlessness Circuit that allows it to start up without hesitation when I'm being chased by a serial killer? What about the blessings by clergypersons of at least two Abrahamic faiths, one Shinto nun, and one practitioner of neopagan ideologies? Did you renew those so that my car won't be possessed and/or develop an obnoxious wisecracking personality? Also, can you guarantee me that the car has a Plot-Detecting Maintenance Plan, meaning that it won't break down or run out of gas in a town that has a cannibalistic or serial killer family, and WILL break down when it increases my likelihood of a pleasant sexual liaison?
Also, I got the deluxe package, meaning that my car doors are bulletproof, allowing them to be used as cover in a gunfight. Oh, and the double-plated gas tank that won't explode the second my car catches on fire. Are those still working? What about the ejector seat and invisibility field? Fold-out wings? How about the rocket launcher?
I'd also like a hug.
this is promising but there is a LOT going on here. too many ideas. stick to just one
Awesome, thanks for the advice!
CPSC 229: Intro to Commenting on the Internet. Meets MWF, taught by Professor Straub.
You've just been Straubed!
Dang, I want that car.
The hug request saved it.
The elder sign paint job is kind of an all in one package. Covers everything but yer hug thingy.
You must not know Cthulu very well then.
Based on the mechanic's outfit, I'd say he's from Wyoming. Though, the arms do invalidate that somewhat.
The correct comment is:
"Wyoming man is the best mechanic"
My mechanic mistook a Garfield window plushy for said psychopathic killer.
Or he just hated Garfield. I couldn't quite tell.
Since your mechanic was named "Mondays", the feeling was mutual.
When he says he "got rid" of the killer, I picture the mechanics all flapping their arms and going "g'wan, get outta here! Shoo!"
The killer getting on all fours, hissing and spitting.
"You know like 80% of them carry rabies? Also, that they kill people?"
"What, they do? Oh! So that's why they call them killers! I always wondered about that."
for a moment there, i thought this was gonna be sexual
To somebody out there, it probably is
Killer in the backseat of my car?!!
But sir, I barely knewer.
Get out of the car, we traced the call to your car phone!
Evil always finds a loophole. Like…maybe the air freshener is a smell engineered to trigger nostalgia about a tree you used to climb, so you drive to your childhood stomping grounds and climb the tree (you are also resolving daddy issues), which is about to be eaten by a giant cow. Who is evil?
A film by M Night Shyamalan.
I meant for this to be a reply to a message, but it turns out I am bad at webbing.
Unbeknownst to both, the killer was "waiting for the right moment" to pop the question.
Of course, the question was "Do you want to die?" The answer would be obviously be ignored.
You can also now unlock the doors with your cellphone, and he installed a JATO from a military transport plane as well…
"I went ahead and sold your car, as the money you're spending on fixing it has nearly reached its replacement cost."