get the drench

Sep20

on September 20, 2011

with ball-u-quench. now in fast-acting liquicap formula

also please enjoy another episode of kris and scott’s scott and kris show

└ Tags: balls, commercial, db, discreet health concerns, doctor, dry balls, medication, medicine, old guys, prescription, sailing, side effects

baronhaynes

I guess the dryness just migrates north, then?
PaulishMH

I foresee potentially another terrible side effect…… SA.

swamp ass
- baronhaynes
  
  For that you take ass-u-breeze.
  
  Warning: Side effects may include chilly willy.
  - magflare
    
    Easily remedied by a single application of Thermadong®.
    
    (Side effects may include scaletaint, wharfman's pubes, and shrieking urethra.)
    - seriously
      
      Do you have "Sailor's scourge"? Are you suffering from scaletaint, wharfman's pubes, and/or shrieking urethra?
      
      Ask your doctor if you need Pfizer's new medication* Scourge-away™.
      
      *Side effects may include dry balls.
      - zosoknight
        
        ^^Genius
      - baronhaynes
        
        Years later, I still find myself remembering the phrase "shrieking urethra". Well done.
tradertimm

Ball-U-Quench… is this a sex thing?
- krisstraub
  
  don't be disgusting. it's a natural decrease in testicular surface moisture past age 55.
  - seriously
    
    kris, are you saying you never popped a handful of ball-u-quench® and gave a lady a "French drip"?
Ninepoint_R

I first discovered this medication when I opened an email entitled

¡ CH34P m3X1C4n m3D$ m0jad0 m1s b0las !

changed my life forever
Jarin

Man I remember that movie where Tom Hanks had terminal DB… You knew he was gonna die but you cried anyway
- seriously
  
  "Joe vs. the dessicated balls-o"?
  - JJJMo
    
    Ballcano. Joe vs. the Ballcano.
    
    Missed opportunity, but better late than never.
StephenM3

This could very well be an actual, serious commercial. Just take out the last line, and change the name of the drug, and I wouldn't be at all surprised if this popped up on TV.
- Chunckymunkay
  
  Hydro Balls!, Taking your balls from dry, to up in the sky!!!Its Already a Hit In Japan…
@xyzyzy

So much more convenient than the old humectant wipes. My old gramps used to have hold of one of those 24/7 – always dabbing. Ugh.
- Wes
  
  Apologies for breaking character here, but I had to express how much I enjoyed "always dabbing".
- Brendan Adkins
  
  See, my gramps was a fan of the jocksponge. Just strapped it on every morning when he put his teeth in. No dabbing, and he could swap out for a fresh wet one in the privacy of his outhouse.
  - o0o
    
    … what kind of outhouse has running water?
    
    …oh dear god
    - Brendan Adkins
      
      None of us ever sat in Grampy's lap.
bebot

I love how the guy who used to have DB acted like he had no idea what it was at first, just to make his friend more uncomfortable. Also, 2 men on a boat with dry balls? If Old Sea Creep would have been there…
Sykosonik

Unfortunately, my high blood pressure medication would interact with Ball-U-Quench, so my doctor prescribed Scrot-O-Splash® (scrotestiphylidate) SR instead.

The constant cottonmouth is a bit of a downer, but I've never felt more free to be me.
Jcoggs

A well lubed ballsack is a happy ballsack. Right honey? *wink* Thanks ball-u-quench! *geriatric-jog down the path in the park with a golden retriever*

Freakin' great strip, man. Also speaking of k/s show, the first one(?) with Scott having daddy issues was effing hilarious. I'm glad you guys managed to patch things up.
oobgarm

Omitted side effect: sloppy ballsack
mudfoot

At the risk of giving out TMI… why the hell would you want your balls other than dry and comfy? Wet balls sounds uncomfortable and.. damp.
- magflare
  
  I don't think you appreciate how serious a medical condition DB truly is. We're not talking "nice cozy sweater fresh out of the dryer" dry here. We're talking "ancient Egyptian kings are giving you sympathetic looks" dry. We're talking about the kind of dry where, at the end of the day, you have to shake half a pound of sand and a bleached cow skull out of your underwear.
  - seriously
    
    If you're not gonna use the bleached cow skull could I borrow it?
    
    See I'm going to the beach this weekend, and I wanna look like a big man in front of the ladies when I wear a Speedo.
macsnafu

Another possible side effect: death. But who cares as long as your balls are drenched?
- reignleif
  
  Not drenched. QUENCHED.
D, just D

I do just the opposite. I throw some Gold Bond Medicated powder on my nuts right after a shower and it's like little fairies are humming on my balls. It's awesome. I'll probably be singing a different tune when I get testicular cancer from it in thirty years, but hey, my balls are happy in meantime.
o0o

i hear young guys who don't need it are abusing ball-u-quench, going in the club with sopping wet balls. there have already been two deaths from guys ODing on it and draining all of their bodily moisture out through their scrotes,

take only as prescribed by your hyrdo-nutsacklitician.
- tradertimm
  
  "Discontinue use if your balls remain drenched for more than four hours. If a wellspring of sweat begins to pour from between your legs, seek immediate medical attention."
Adam

A joke about sweaty testicles? Raising the bar, Kris, raising the bar.
- krisstraub
  
  not sweaty! there's a difference between sweat and hydration
  - Adam
    
    Oh man I totally dropped the ball. Ok fair enough, best strip ever
    - Sortelli
      
      If the ball was a little moister you would not have dropped it.
Sortelli

So these pills are gel caps, right? Or are they not even pills, but capsules of gelatin that you just squeeze in your shorts?

Do they come in lime.
Brendan Adkins

The cap on that box is life-sized. It's a suppository.

It does come in lime.
Brendan Adkins

This tested better than the earlier commercial, which depicted a woman's hand gently dunking a pair of teabags into a pitcher of blue liquid.
Mike

Panel number three, is that a pill or a supository?
- reignleif
  
  It's sort of like a suppository, you shove it in your urethra and just wing it from there
  - Adam
    
    OH GOD CHRIST NO WHY WOULD YOU SAY THAT
reignleif

One of the side effects is Dry Mouth, but don't worry, we can fix that! Introducing Tongue-U-moist.
(Side effects may include Dry Balls)
- Chunckymunkay
  
  Holy S**t I just got Inceptioned!
Elbasunu

Ha haa! And then George lucas….a…..aahh I got nothin'.

Love that whale.
- reignleif
  
  "It's not clear enough that he doesn't have dry balls any more, we need a goofy sidekick that explains things to the audience."
  
  Introducing Ballsy, the anthropomorphic testicle
- Ivan
  
  It’s a SPERM whale.
TheRoyalJam

The homeopaths will say that you can just teabag the ocean.
But seriously, that's a temporary fix at best.
Greg

Why did this come out right before I got my patent for a cup that clips onto your ballsack?! I guess I can always sell them as a way to keep your truck nuts clean
John Egbert

Kanaya you need to bone up on human family structures.
- reignleif
  
  Also, grammatical structures.
chexfan

lovoe the chex posture in final frame
Nonnie

The final panel is priceless! I like how you carry the commercial all the way to the second location. That would be kind of strange if your grandpa was spontaneously talking about DB but it's been months since you were out on that boat.
Jarin

I like to think that the boat was crushed by the whale in panel 5, and panel 6 is the father's ghost haunting his son and talking about dry balls
Cain

Better living through chemistry.
pozycjonowanie

One of my best friends can perfectly whistle the whistling part … I totally suck at whistling (like, I can whistle a whistle-esque noise, but no tune), so I’m jealous. It’s awesome. This is a great song :D

get the drench

Related Comics ¬