with ball-u-quench. now in fast-acting liquicap formula
also please enjoy another episode of kris and scott’s scott and kris show
I guess the dryness just migrates north, then?
I foresee potentially another terrible side effect…… SA.
For that you take ass-u-breeze.
Warning: Side effects may include chilly willy.
Easily remedied by a single application of Thermadong®.
(Side effects may include scaletaint, wharfman's pubes, and shrieking urethra.)
Do you have "Sailor's scourge"? Are you suffering from scaletaint, wharfman's pubes, and/or shrieking urethra?
Ask your doctor if you need Pfizer's new medication* Scourge-away™.
*Side effects may include dry balls.
Years later, I still find myself remembering the phrase "shrieking urethra". Well done.
Ball-U-Quench… is this a sex thing?
don't be disgusting. it's a natural decrease in testicular surface moisture past age 55.
kris, are you saying you never popped a handful of ball-u-quench® and gave a lady a "French drip"?
I first discovered this medication when I opened an email entitled
¡ CH34P m3X1C4n m3D$ m0jad0 m1s b0las !
changed my life forever
Man I remember that movie where Tom Hanks had terminal DB… You knew he was gonna die but you cried anyway
"Joe vs. the dessicated balls-o"?
Ballcano. Joe vs. the Ballcano.
Missed opportunity, but better late than never.
This could very well be an actual, serious commercial. Just take out the last line, and change the name of the drug, and I wouldn't be at all surprised if this popped up on TV.
Hydro Balls!, Taking your balls from dry, to up in the sky!!!Its Already a Hit In Japan…
So much more convenient than the old humectant wipes. My old gramps used to have hold of one of those 24/7 – always dabbing. Ugh.
Apologies for breaking character here, but I had to express how much I enjoyed "always dabbing".
See, my gramps was a fan of the jocksponge. Just strapped it on every morning when he put his teeth in. No dabbing, and he could swap out for a fresh wet one in the privacy of his outhouse.
… what kind of outhouse has running water?
…oh dear god
None of us ever sat in Grampy's lap.
I love how the guy who used to have DB acted like he had no idea what it was at first, just to make his friend more uncomfortable. Also, 2 men on a boat with dry balls? If Old Sea Creep would have been there…
Unfortunately, my high blood pressure medication would interact with Ball-U-Quench, so my doctor prescribed Scrot-O-Splash® (scrotestiphylidate) SR instead.
The constant cottonmouth is a bit of a downer, but I've never felt more free to be me.
A well lubed ballsack is a happy ballsack. Right honey? *wink* Thanks ball-u-quench! *geriatric-jog down the path in the park with a golden retriever*
Freakin' great strip, man. Also speaking of k/s show, the first one(?) with Scott having daddy issues was effing hilarious. I'm glad you guys managed to patch things up.
Omitted side effect: sloppy ballsack
At the risk of giving out TMI… why the hell would you want your balls other than dry and comfy? Wet balls sounds uncomfortable and.. damp.
I don't think you appreciate how serious a medical condition DB truly is. We're not talking "nice cozy sweater fresh out of the dryer" dry here. We're talking "ancient Egyptian kings are giving you sympathetic looks" dry. We're talking about the kind of dry where, at the end of the day, you have to shake half a pound of sand and a bleached cow skull out of your underwear.
If you're not gonna use the bleached cow skull could I borrow it?
See I'm going to the beach this weekend, and I wanna look like a big man in front of the ladies when I wear a Speedo.
Another possible side effect: death. But who cares as long as your balls are drenched?
Not drenched. QUENCHED.
I do just the opposite. I throw some Gold Bond Medicated powder on my nuts right after a shower and it's like little fairies are humming on my balls. It's awesome. I'll probably be singing a different tune when I get testicular cancer from it in thirty years, but hey, my balls are happy in meantime.
i hear young guys who don't need it are abusing ball-u-quench, going in the club with sopping wet balls. there have already been two deaths from guys ODing on it and draining all of their bodily moisture out through their scrotes,
take only as prescribed by your hyrdo-nutsacklitician.
"Discontinue use if your balls remain drenched for more than four hours. If a wellspring of sweat begins to pour from between your legs, seek immediate medical attention."
A joke about sweaty testicles? Raising the bar, Kris, raising the bar.
not sweaty! there's a difference between sweat and hydration
Oh man I totally dropped the ball. Ok fair enough, best strip ever
If the ball was a little moister you would not have dropped it.
So these pills are gel caps, right? Or are they not even pills, but capsules of gelatin that you just squeeze in your shorts?
Do they come in lime.
The cap on that box is life-sized. It's a suppository.
It does come in lime.
This tested better than the earlier commercial, which depicted a woman's hand gently dunking a pair of teabags into a pitcher of blue liquid.
Panel number three, is that a pill or a supository?
It's sort of like a suppository, you shove it in your urethra and just wing it from there
OH GOD CHRIST NO WHY WOULD YOU SAY THAT
One of the side effects is Dry Mouth, but don't worry, we can fix that! Introducing Tongue-U-moist.
(Side effects may include Dry Balls)
Holy S**t I just got Inceptioned!
Ha haa! And then George lucas….a…..aahh I got nothin'.
Love that whale.
"It's not clear enough that he doesn't have dry balls any more, we need a goofy sidekick that explains things to the audience."
Introducing Ballsy, the anthropomorphic testicle
It’s a SPERM whale.
The homeopaths will say that you can just teabag the ocean.
But seriously, that's a temporary fix at best.
Why did this come out right before I got my patent for a cup that clips onto your ballsack?! I guess I can always sell them as a way to keep your truck nuts clean
Kanaya you need to bone up on human family structures.
Also, grammatical structures.
lovoe the chex posture in final frame
The final panel is priceless! I like how you carry the commercial all the way to the second location. That would be kind of strange if your grandpa was spontaneously talking about DB but it's been months since you were out on that boat.
I like to think that the boat was crushed by the whale in panel 5, and panel 6 is the father's ghost haunting his son and talking about dry balls
Better living through chemistry.
One of my best friends can perfectly whistle the whistling part … I totally suck at whistling (like, I can whistle a whistle-esque noise, but no tune), so I’m jealous. It’s awesome. This is a great song :D