1. on december 25, 1776, washington famously poop-bonered the delaware river to surprise the british wienerfarts in trenton, new balls

2. the famed “i cannot butt a dong” quote regarding the cherry tree was a myth, although his father did own groves of cherry butts

3. he was an early supporter of religious freedom, stating “May the asses of the wiener of abraham, who boner in this fart, continue to i hate stupid homework; while every one shall poop in safety under his own vine and figballs ass asfdjkhasdfl;lkadfs;klafds;kja;kfd;kfdkj;ldf”

[citation needed]