Saw It For You: Star Wars VII – The Force Awakens (2015)

forceawakens
Star Wars VII: The Force Awakens (2015)

Synopsis. Decades after the Empire’s defeat, a new band of Rebels must stop the Empire from doing the same thing again.

Tagline. What Awakens? It is the Force.

Promotional tie-in. Everything looks better from a Kia Sorento. Star Wars in theaters December 18th.

Trivia

  • This is director J.J. Abrams’ third Star Trek film.
  • To prevent plot points from being leaked, each scene in The Force Awakens was completely improvised.
  • Visual effects specialists pored over thousands of hours of footage and reference photos in order to meticulously reconstruct an accurate Harrison Ford.
  • Perhaps overreacting to criticism of his earlier movies, Abrams took extreme precautions to ensure that no light sources would create lens flares on camera. This was achieved by shooting the entirety of The Force Awakens in total darkness with night-vision optics, and then digitally coloring the scenes in post.
  • Director’s trademark. 3D silver letters, in Futura, that permanently hover near all characters and locations displaying their names.
  • Carrie Fisher reprises her role as Metal Bikini Woman, whom faithful Star Wars fans know from being licked by the Crime Worm.

Mistakes

  • The Millennium Falcon changes scale throughout the movie. This is most glaringly noticeable when the Star Destroyer tractors the Falcon into its cargo bay, and the Falcon retaliates by tractoring the Star Destroyer into its own cargo bay.
  • Han Solo refers to this as a “Mexican tractor-beam standoff.” Mexico does not exist yet.
  • Rey (Daisy Ridley) is stalked throughout the movie by a metal orange ball that sometimes makes noises. This is never addressed by any character.
  • Continuity. The movie opens with an aged Luke Skywalker (Mark Hamill in a single-line cameo) saying “If you guys need anything, I’ll be here next to this tree.” When he motions to give a thumbs-up, his hand is being chopped off by Darth Vader.
  • The planet of Alderaan “finally having recuperated” seems inconsistent with the events of A New Hope. 
  • Incorrectly regarded as goof. When Han shaves Chewbacca’s back, a second Chewbacca face is inexplicably revealed beneath the fur. However, this may just be a previously unknown trait of Wookiee physiology.
  • On set, actor John Boyega couldn’t help but shout “bang” each time he fired a blaster. The production team was forced to make all blaster fire sound like John Boyega saying “bang.”
  • Equipment gaffe. Kylo Ren (Adam Driver) can occasionally be seen consulting the back of a Kylo Ren action figure box before delivering dialogue.
  • No explanation is given for Finn and Kylo to lightsaber-fight using just the tips.
  • During the First Order assembly, George Lucas can be clearly seen wandering forlornly through the rows of stormtroopers.

Memorable Quotes

Rey. Garbage! Garbage for sale.
Garbago. I’ll buy some of your garbage. This garbage is very good.
Rey. I wish I had a bigger destiny to fulfill.

Han Solo. We’re all getting old, pal.
Chewbacca. Raaaawr.
Han Solo. It’s not the years, Chewie… it’s the parsecs. (five-second-long wry smile directly into camera) (fade to slow panning closeup of Solo’s face as he grins and knowingly nods) (faint overlay of fedora and coiled whip) (music swells as John Williams’ Han and Leia theme gently incorporates Raiders March)

Kylo Ren. We Sith will rebuild and take what is ours. Soon the galaxy will know the power of the Dark Side once more. Senator Bimbambanoonoo, ready the Trade Federation gleepgheeps.

C-3PO. Oh my! It is so good to see you again, my friend!
R2-D2. (beeps and whistles)
C-3PO. My databanks may be faulty, but I will never forget that night.
R2-D2. (oohs)
C-3PO. R2, you’re incorrigable! Not here during General Leia’s briefing!
R2-D2. (beeps and whistles)
C-3PO. (servo motor noises)
R2-D2. (servo motor noises)

Finn. It doesn’t make any sense for me to be here. Stormtroopers are supposed to be white. Just more SJW bullshit.

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Saw It For You: Pixels (2015)

Link to trailer

PIXELS

Pixels (2015)

Synopsis. When aliens mistake pre-1983 video games as proclamations of war, it’s up to Adam Sandler, Kevin James, and probably the rest of the cast of Grown-Ups to save the world.

Tagline. Grab your joysticks, it’s video and computer game time… for Planet Earth! 

Running time. 55 mins

Trivia

  • Director Chris Columbus on the origin of Pixels: “Sandler came to me with an idea. He said, ‘what if I made a movie that showed my grandkids I’ve heard of very old video games?'”
  • Other than projectionists, no one knows whether or not this movie was actually made.
  • Focus groups had difficulty screening Pixels to test audiences, as most viewers were certain they had already seen it. Although the movie did not exist prior to 2014, many audience members were even able to recall jokes verbatim.
  • The special effects to create the real-world video game enemies are from the iPhone app “GamifyMe” ($2.99, released 2011).
  •  To cut costs, Ms. Pac-Man’s role was played by Pac-Man wearing a bow.
  • Early-release posters, instead of the current tagline, featured the words “Real Movie!” in a sunburst.
  • Before each set piece, a character was required to exclaim the name of the game attacking, for the benefit of audience members under 45 years of age.
  • Due to his experiences on set, Donkey Kong refused to do press for the film.
  • Production was frequently delayed due to Adam Sandler’s career repeatedly ending.

Mistakes

  • Mistaken identities. Twenty minutes into the movie, the cast stops referring to one another by their character names and just uses their actual ones.
  • Adam Sandler’s triumphant line “We did it! We stopped the Arcadriax!” did not contain a seven-second yawn in the script; Sandler ad-libbed it.
  • Incorrectly regarded as goof. In the theatrical edit, a scene was cut from early in the film explaining why the characters are so very old and tired and just going through the motions.
  • The government cover-up of the presence of invading pixelated beings is repeatedly referred to as “Gamergate.”
  • Continuity. In many scenes Kevin James inexplicably has a mustache, likely due to the concurrent filming of Paul Blart: Video Game Cop.
  • After the first encounter with the Centipede, the woman character has a line of dialogue that is not exposition.
  • Kevin James’ character is President of the United States, but he would be ineligible for office after admitting he was “born on an ice floe.”
  • Josh Gad’s role was edited to better fit the story after director Columbus realized he had in fact been hired to be one of the four main characters. Originally Columbus thought he was “a very uncooperative extra.”
  • Adam Sandler’s dentures fall out on multiple occasions, which could have been easily corrected with the use of Super Poligrip®.
  • Super Poligrip® paid $3 million for product placement in the film, but the Super Poligrip® Mobile Gaming Command Hangout only appears briefly before sinking into the Southern Ocean.
  • Dogs cannot see color and would not be able to solo the final round of the 1980 arcade classic Is This Red or Green.
  • During the confrontation on the roof of the arcade, the zipper on Kevin James’ back is clearly visible.
  • Instead of “The End,” the end title reads “Movie Not Finished.”

Memorable Quotes

Adam Sandler. Movie begin. So you’re saying only the world’s best video gamer can beat these aliens?
Government scientist. That’s right. And that’s you.
Adam Sandler. But I haven’t been a world video champion since 1983! Now let’s do the montage.

Asian businessman. Oh no! “Lun” for your “rives!” “Godzirra!” 
Kevin James. 
Get a load of this character! It’s like from Godzilla or something!

Kevin James. As President, I’m signing an executive order… to shit my pants! 
Adam Sandler. That one’s good, we’ll use that one.

Adam Sandler. With the Arcadriax defeated, there will never again be… Pixels.

Saw It For You: Star Wars: The Force Awakens Teaser Trailer (2014)

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Star Wars: The Force Awakens Teaser Trailer (2014)

Shot-by-Shot Description

  1. A stir of trilling violins and a vast expanse of desert sand. A deep, brooding voiceover: “Have you felt it?”
  2. A stormtrooper, sans helmet, leaps up into frame. He’s not a Jango Fett clone. He’s panicked, sweating. He turns to look behind him as the sound of an Imperial probe droid looms in the distance. Smash to black.
  3. A small droid that resembles an R2 unit balancing on a soccer ball, rapidly turning. It is speeding along the ground on front of what might be a Mos Eisley-like desert spaceport. Behind it, it is towing via magnetic cable a hovering cargo box. The box is labeled “Wildstone.” Smash to black.
  4. A troop transport, lined with stormtroopers in some kind of black mesh armor. A cloaked figure stalks the narrow space between rows. He barks: “Cortosis up.” Each trooper touches a control on their gauntlets, and the black mesh hums and turns a matte gray. Voiceover: “They have no idea what’s coming.” Smash to black.
  5. The rolling droid rolls up a metal ramp, dragging the cargo box behind it, and the camera pans ahead of it to show a large desert outpost gate opening. Bustling beyond are rebels and civilians, making preparations. The sign above the gate reads “Wildstone Solo Enterprises.” Smash to black.
  6. A huge, darkened hangar. Lights above turning on in rows, illuminating mech suit after mech suit — resembling desert-camo versions of General Grevious. A woman in flight suit steps into one of them and takes hold of two armatures as it appears to power up. Smash to black.
  7. Voiceover on black screen: “The Sith…”
  8. Fade up on a close low shot of black boots, walking on a metal pathway. Ominous horns bray uneasily as the camera pans up, revealing that the pair of boots have no one in them — they are confidently striding forward by themselves. They stop. The camera pulls away from them to reveal a larger room, with tense and confused civilians staring at the boots. Smash to black.
  9. Voiceover on black screen: “… have evolved.”
  10. Smash to the same shot. The purr and ignition sound of a lightsaber, but much lower than any we’ve ever heard: two red saberbeams erupt from the black boots, but join as they jolt upward, instantly forming a glowing lightsaber-red blade man. A man made of lightsaber light. Smash to black.
  11. Voiceover on black screen: “Now, where is your son… Mister Solo?”
  12. Fade up on Harrison Ford, lit from beneath. He’s strapped to some kind of rack, bent over a glowing torture panel reminiscent of the one from The Empire Strikes Back. He’s dirty and tired, but his eyes sparkle unnaturally. Ford looks directly into the camera, and intones: “Call me Han. And the Sith aren’t the only ones who’ve evolved.”
  13. Han Solo’s eyes erupt forth into green beams of light — not beams, but lightsabers — destroying the torture machine. He turns his head to glance at his left hand, swiveling the eye-saber directly onto the restraint, which explodes in a shower of sparks. Smash to black.
  14. The familiar blare of horns that is the main Star Wars theme! Quick cut: The lid of the “Wildstone” box opening. A mechanical hand connected to a saber-energy arm reaches in and retrieves Han Solo’s old blaster.
  15. Quick cut: Four B-Wings join cockpits, becoming an X-Wing with four pilots.
  16. Quick cut: A platoon of Desert Grieftroopers, running head-on into a battle on the sands. One carries a telescoping standard, which extends and unfurls a flag with a “W” logo, and beneath that: “Wildstone.”
  17. Quick cut: A space battle in orbit above a lush green planet. A star destroyer’s tip begins to blossom open into four pieces. It may be an X-Wing.
  18. Quick cut: The mechanical hand from before raises the blaster to a teen’s face. He has a bright pink undercut, and John Lennon-esque shades which darken, Transitions-style, as the bright saber-arm light reflects off of them. He dons a shit-eating grin. This is Wildstone Solo, Han’s son.
  19. Quick cut: Camera angle from an extreme low angle. Grieftroopers run forward at the edges of the screen. Wildstone runs in and stops in frame. A hero shot. He whistles and says “Falcon, on my target.” A moment of silence… then the nostalgic roar of the Millennium Falcon‘s engines as the beloved Corellian freighter glides forward on Wildstone’s command. The freighter is Wildstone’s pet to command.
  20. The camera turns on multiple axes, keeping the speeding Falcon in frame as the blue skies above the desert erupt into laser fire. The Falcon’s target? A Death Star-shaped dropship… releasing thousands of bright-red Sabersith onto the battlefield. Smash to black.
  21. The score soars to its crescendo. The logo on a starfield: Star Wars. The words “Star” and “Wars” separate to reveal the subtitle between them: The Force Awakens.
  22. Beneath Star Wars: The Force Awakens appears the words “Episode VII: The Rise of Wildstone.”
  23. Smash to black. “Coming December 2015. Awaken the Force in you at whatsmysaberbodycolor.com.”