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Benson, Strauss and Stabler got lucky as they rounded the corner in their squad car to face the perp’s home address: the same F-150 truck was parked in the driveway. There was a good chance this scumbag was at home.

“Probably celebrating last night’s rape with a cold beer,” Stabler sneered. His eyes looked like he was about to puke.

 

“Strauss and I will take the front of the house,” Benson said. “El, you flank. We’ll be in position in two minutes.” Stabler nodded and rolled out of the car without missing a beat. He’s a true detective for sure, thought Strauss. Just like me.

Benson and Strauss combat-rolled up to the front door of the house. They could hear noises inside. A struggle. With a nod, Benson backed away from the door and Strauss took a step back, then ran at the door with his shoulder. The door frame split from the incredible force and the door went flying wide open.

“Freeze, police!” shouted Benson. “Don’t do anything stupid, Bolgers! The place is surrounded.”

A disgusting-looking man with a greasy mustache turned his cross-eyed glance at the source of the commotion. He wore a stained wife-beater and sweats. Rapist chic, thought Benson, allowing herself an easy smile amid the tense situation.

This man, whom Strauss recognized as Bolgers in a fake blond wig, seemed unconcerned, which caught Benson and Strauss off guard. “Ah, excellent,” he said. “The entertainment has arrived.”

“Entertainment?” said Benson. “You’re under arrest for the murder of an unidentified girl.”

“Just as I requested!” said the creepball. “You’re the strippers I hired to act like police, right?”

As he said that, Strauss used his eagle-eye vision to look beneath the dingy futon in the main room. He saw a small hand peeking out from beneath it — it was a young girl. Matted brunette hair clung to the tears on her face. Around her wrist was a thin gold bracelet, and at once Strauss knew this was the mayor’s daughter. It was clearly one of the mayor’s bracelets.

A misstep now could cost this young girl her life. ”Yeah, we’re the entertainment,” said Strauss in a cool, commanding voice, and because it was what Bolgers wanted to believe, he did. “Where do you want us?” Olivia picked up the ruse without missing a step, and began chewing imaginary gum like hookers do.

“Right where you are is fine,” said Bolgers, his perverse lust now in full flower. “I want you two cops to make out for a while, which cops aren’t allowed to do. It’s against their rules so it excites me. Then we can really start the party.”

Christopher, or Chris as he liked to be called because only his mother calls him Christopher, turned his powerful-but-gentle frame towards Olivia, who knew they both had to kiss in order to fool Bolgers and keep the captive girl from harm. Before Chris could move in, Olivia started hella frenching him. Her tongue darted against his like a king cobra, but the only venom here was unbridled lust stoking the flames of passion. They kissed like lovers in a way that, were it occurring anywhere other than a pedophile strangler’s filthy living room, would be incredibly sexy.

Wow, he’s a great kisser, thought Olivia, briefly losing herself in the stage act. I guess Special Victims Unit has its upside from time to time. He also has really nice hair.

Just then, Stabler exploded from the back room with a powerful punch to Bolgers’ left jaw. Looks like we both got something we wanted, thought Olivia. Ah well, Strauss is probably too cool and tough to want to be with someone like me. I’ll just stop thinking about it for now. She did mostly.

Meanwhile Stabler was already cuffing the perp. “You strangled and mutilated that girl in the alley, then you kidnapped the mayor’s daughter so you could do the same thing to her!”

“No,” explained Bolgers. “I’m not a pedophile or even a rapist. I’m a sex addict… but I have a fetish for crimes and law enforcement. Once I’m sentenced, I’ll have the best orgasm of my life behind bars.”

“Now it makes sense,” said Strauss as he nodded sagely.

“If this was a crime novel, I’d call that an expertly-written twist,” said Olivia.

Stabler hauled the suspect to his feet. “Come on, guys. This is one perp walk I wouldn’t want to miss for the world. After that we can hang out, maybe shoot some hoops. Sound good, Liv?”

Olivia smiled. “You know it, El. And we couldn’t have done it without the help of Predator Strike Force… and our new best friend. You in, Chris?”

Strauss thought about it for a moment. A little R&R after a collar well done. But as Bolgers was thrown in the back of Stabler’s car, his thoughts turned to all the crimes. All the crimes.

“Thanks guys, I’d love to,” said Strauss. “But maybe another time. Right now, I’d like to get to know another best friend: New York City.”

Benson and Stabler could only look on in total respect as Detective Strauss walked away back towards the police station.

They would never make fun of him.

THE END

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